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Found 4 results

  1. I know that my husband and I are not good as a couple. He belittles the kids and I, he is controlling and manipulative, he has anger issues. We have established that we need to divorce. Yet, if I divorce him, I risk the kids being alone with him and not having me to buffer his anger and I will not be there for the kids (ages 9 &10) when he acts up. I cannot risk loosing my kids. I quit my career to stay home, raise the kids and to allow him to take his career to next level. I now have no money, I'm trying to rebuild my real estate career in a new area & although we are trying to do this as friends, he just told me he doesn't want to pay for anything for me and that I should pay 1/2 the rent which is $2600 total. I was making considerably more $ than he when we married. I got him the job he gas today (litterally-I made a resume for him, sent it out, etc). We are living together as "friends" & he still emotionally abuses me, but what are my options if I don't have a solid income yet and why does it hurt soooo much to acknowledge the 13 yr old marriage is over when I know it's wrong to stay? Pls help. Thank you, I am really hurting and confused from all of his mental games and I don't trust my own judgement now.
  2. Hi everyone! After my session with my psychologist yesterday I left a little rattled and scared. What she said, in combination with all the advice I got from this forum has made it very VERY clear to me that once I leave, my BF might blow a fuse, go crazy and try to stalk me. I am very aware of the person he is, which is why I'm leaving, but that means I'm also aware of the fact that he could snap when he comes home from work or whatever in a couple of weeks and finds the house empty, and a letter from me explaining why I left. Now the thing that scares me isn't that he's going to try and stalk me, the thing that scares me is eventually seeing him again after having gone no-contact. So my question is to the people that have left and gone no-contact after leaving, or those who know about this stuff. Did you fear your ex would find you? And when you saw him again after however long after leaving, what was it like? When you're getting a divorce you can see each other in court or with lawyers present, but he's just my BF so I won't have that "safety barrier" of a lawyer. Also I'm not moving to a different city, because my work and school are here, so the chances of me running in to him could be a bit high. But what truly scares me is that we come from a small Caribbean island. He's planning on moving back there by December (at the latest), and I'm scared of running into him when I'm there for the Holidays this year and what he'll do or how he'll react. Because I keep thinking, even if I don't see him where we live now, I might run in to him when I go home to spend the Holidays with my family. Feel free to share your experiences, because I'm freaking myself out and it's not a nice feeling.
  3. Hello all, I am new to the forum world and my recent post that was responded to provided much needed help and guidance and comforted me with much needed hope, compassion and understanding. Thank you. I am struggling to get the strength to leave my emotionally and verbally abusive husband of 13 years. I am strategizing a way out rather than staying in the seemingly safe place of denial and minimizing. While I am still living with him, I am starting to document the abuse on a calendar along with the comments that my children share about not wanting to be left alone with him, etc. I would love any pearls of wisdom from those who have walked this path before me. Any advice on what else I should document? Any guidance for better enabling my 9 and 10 year old children about how to deal with the abuse? Now that I am starting to recognize the abuse as the controlling and manipulative acts that it is, I am starting to non-confrontationally (just trying to keep my children and myself safe) address this with the abuser as I feel that this is a necessary step to show my children. Any insight/suggestions on how to help my children adjust to the possibility of not having me around 24/7 to buffer the situations with their Dad? Thank you in advance.
  4. I am new to forums. I'm not eighteen, but I don't feel like because of that I shouldn't be able to ask for help. I thought under certain circumstances I'm in, doing this may be helpful to myself. I'm sixteen years old. I know that some people will think that my issues are solely based on my adolescence. But please hear me out. I need to know if this is normal. I need to know what to do, these issues are driving me crazy. Let me start off saying I do not live with my parents. I was likely conceived in the back of a car. I from a early age did not realize what issues were going on in my household. My parents were not responsible, leaving me to take care of my younger siblings from the earliest age of five. They would go "grocery shopping" all day. I don't know any markets you come home drunk from. No groceries were ever brought home, I may add. Their drug and alcohol abuse got so bad they sold most of everything in the house, including my room's furniture. The only income was from my father fixing the neighbor's things. Such as cars, dirt bikes, lawn mowers, etc. It was not enough to pay bills and support the family with their "habits." Most things like food were provided my the church my parents belonged to. Honestly, they only went to church a couple times a year so they could.. Take advantage of it. Most of the time our utilities and etc. were shut off. I remember having to take showers at my neighbors houses or using candles to light the house. The majority of the time my parents were drunk. They're nice people, just not when they're under the influence. My younger brother got most of that physical abuse. He formed a attachment disorder. A complex against women. Not to mention his ADHD. He was pretty traumatized through the whole ordeal. When things really went downhill, my parents and I went "camping." That's what they told me. I soon realized we were living in a tent. That is when social services came in and my brother I were removed. Now a new adventure. I've been living with my grandparents for a while. When I got here, I was shocked. My little sister (four years younger than me) had everything she could ever want. This was the first time I had seen her since she was an infant. My parents were drunk, my brother, sister, and I were in the car outside of a bar. They tried to sell her and she was removed from my parents care. At first I did not get along with the little brat. Although we are on pretty good terms now. I was jealous. Why did she get everything I didn't? This is now irrelevant to me, I've completely let it go. What my problem is, my grandparents. No matter what I do, I never quite hit the mark. I don't know how to win their approval. I know I should be thankful of all the good things I have now, but it's hard sometimes. It doesn't get physical most of the time, but should I put up with this? I know I am not the grandchild they would like, and I am not what they imagined I'd be. They make it quite clear by the favouritism they shower on my sister. They do not like the way I dress or act. Do not get me wrong, I do not dress skimpy. It has more to do with my style and the fact its not from the 60's or covered in glitter and flowers (my sister). My hair is "weird" to them. I know it makes me look adnormal I suppose. However I'm young and want to have fun with it. So what if my hair has a little color? I do not party, sneak out with boys, or whatever teenagers do. I don't smoke anything, whether that be drugs or cigarettes. In fact, I don't use drugs or alcohol at all. This year was rough for me academically. I usually have all a's. However, my new school and its system is quite corrupt. I do not mean to blame everything on the school, but in my defense... We aren't even accredited. It's disappointing. I worked so hard for little credit. My sister is almost failing every year, and somehow I'm the disappointment. I'm called a disgrace, a bitc-(you know), dissapointment, I'm told I make them sick. I'm told they're embarrassed to be seen with me because of the way I look. I'm told I'm no good. I'm told no man will ever love me because of my makeup and how I dress. I'm told I look s****. I'm told I'm ungrateful. Selfish. Just like my parents. I'm what's going to kill them. I'm told I need to be a role model, what I'm doing is embarrassing. That I'm too fat. I'm 5'1, 130 pounds. I've been so cut down that I can't take off my jacket. I'm so scared of showing people how I feel or look. I cover my face all the time. I have tried countless times to talk to my grandparents. I have tried when upset, calmly, under supervision of a counselor, with other family members, or family friends. Nothing works. It works for a day. Until I do something to make everyone mad again. I know I do not help around the house as much as I could, but how am I supposed to? I try to initiate something. "Hey grandma, do you need my help?" She'll say no, then later complain I do not do anything. If I do help with something, I do it wrong (evidently). I get yelled at. Go to my room. Then I'm judged for that as well. I know I am no perfect. I make plenty of mistakes, but this isn't the way to handle them... I don't think? Truthfully the last couple years has been hard on me. My brother was removed from my grandparents care after my sister came forward he molested her. This broke my heart. I was the big sister. I am supposed to protect my siblings and I failed. I blame myself tremendously for that. I'm not sure if my grandparents blame me as well, but I'm so guilty. I don't know what to do. I want to get an education and get he hell out of here. I can't do that if I leave early. Unless I find a friend to help support me. A lot of my friends are going to college, getting apartments, and so on. I know I cannot do this legally, but my grandparents would have little objection. The only reason I cannot leave now is solely I do not have anywhere to go. However I do not know how long I can deal with all this. Am I overreacting? Sometimes I feel like this is all in my head. My grandparents make me feel crazy for feeling this way. I was diagnosed with depression, but I stopped taking my pills because my grandparents made me feel like a nut when I was on them. I do not know what to do. I'm tired of feeling like a wasted space, a big walking mistake. My grandparents have always been like this, even when raising my father and his siblings. But is that any excuse? Can somebody please give me some advice? It would be greatly appreciated. Sorry for ranting so much. I just wanted everyone to know most of my situation. I also apologize for any grammatical errors. Thank you so much for reading. I am grateful.