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Kita

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  1. I am so so very sorry !
  2. Happy Birthday to Our Place and a big thanks to all who have contributed - I haven't been as active as I'd like due to some IRL, as we all have - so thanks to all who keep the home fires burning, admin and members both !
  3. Sending you angels with big fluffy wings to surround you Fate.....and your friends as well....
  4. OMG - Disco - if ANYONE needs a vacation away from their home - knowing what you're going through with your mum and her siblings - baby...it's you... Don't worry - one day....one day...I'll be able to leave the State of Ohio with Princess Einstein and have a proper holiday.... I just have to work my way up to it.. And Curly, dear shy Curly....who has the strength to leave her country to visit with our friends cross country...THAT's bravery...you say you're shy....but you're not ! Pretty soon, you'll just use OZ as a home base, rucksacking your way around the world ! How cool would that be?!
  5. Vicky - I would copy your bank statements which indicate how much money goes towards the boys - tuition, food, clothing, travel/gas money to get them where they need to be...medical expenses, athletic fees...you name it - anything ...any amount..used exclusively towards the boys.... I've never had a review - but wouldn't it normally entail a significant change in income or outgo? What's the Scarlet Tartan have up his sporran?
  6. Oh - I wish I could ! I bet you two are having a ball together.... I always feel left out of these things! My last vacation was 1989....I didn't have a good time anyways.....Frankenstein was there... Please have some fun for me ! Take pictures !!!!!
  7. Yes. To all. You don't forget about it. I don't care if you're four or forty. Either you talk about it at the time it happens and try to minimize any emotional damage or you are encouraged to bury it by this "deafening silence" because if you don't talk about it, it either didn't happen or the victim will "forget." Bullshi+. Either way - it is always there with you. Perhaps part of why that is...is that if you come upon a situation such as this...you are able to sit and speak to them and say...I've been there...what you are feeling is correct. Angry, scared, pissed, or wanting to just hide in a closet. Your emotions are right on and you have every right to feel the way you do.... Again, the weapon they use..all of them...sexual, physical, emotional, spiritual......is to make you feel all alone. You are not.
  8. Haven't been here for awhile, so I apologize if I'm going over something you've already done. You are totally moving in the right direction, Twentytwelve. Good for you! Two things jump out at me though. He threatened to kill your friend. Your friend needs to know this if you haven't told them already. They deserve to be knowledgable about their own safety and threats to it, so they can defend themselves. Also, so far all interactions with him, any voiced intentions from him and any future planning from you, have been in a closed internal manner (except for telling us). What I mean is that no one in the neighborhood, no legal authority or perhaps even mental health authority has been apprized of your situation and impending departure. You still need to inform your local police substation of what is going on and what your intentions are. What this means is: You need to tell them about his mental illness and the fact that apparently it is the primary reason for your fear and physical separation. You need to tell them if there are any weapons in the house and where they are. You need to tell them how far it has escalated, both physically and situationally. What he has already done (showing what he is capable of doing) and what he has said (voiced intentions - including the desire to murder your friend). You need to tell them your plans of escape (and that's what they are), the time, location and what you need out of your house. I know you said your father would help out. Your father and any other member of your family's role is to support and protect you for as long as you need. However, it is best to have a deputy sheriff or police officer stand by while you do this, and have your father or other family members waiting at an undisclosed location waiting to meet you with your stuff. (Especially if he knows where they live.) And in doing so, you are also protecting your family from him. It is law enforcement's job to do this. This is what they are paid to do. They are here to protect and serve and know best how to assess and handle these situations. They are also trained in the best methods of either de-escalation and/or protective custody of cases of mental illness, but in this case 2012, this is a mental illness case, combined with domestic violence and the victim's escape. That puts a whole other spin on the entire situation, not only for you, but anyone close. That means your neighbors, their children playing outside and if he knows the location of your family, them as well. And if he shows up to their house, you can bet they won't open the door and try to reason with him. I have been there 2012. Only sort of backwards. I had to put him out. But I did it civilly (as opposed to criminally) as he is disabled. What that meant was that I had a civil protection order lodged against him, and had two deputy sheriffs, knock on the door to my house, while I waited at a neighbors. When he opened up the door, they served him, asked him to step aside and picked up our daughter who was three at the time, carried her out to me and I went back to my neighbors to wait. It took them 4 hours to calm him down, inventory his meds and weapons and had him make some phone calls to his family members so he could stay with them. Then they had to wait for another cruiser because of the amount of firearms wouldn't fit in the trunk of their vehicle. They helped him pack some clothes and personal items, and one of the cruisers followed him to the main road to make sure he would leave. The other deputy sheriff came over to my neighbors house and said , "He's gone, but we recommend that you find a place to stay where he doesn't know. Right now. We have to leave, but we'll wait until you find a neighbor to watch the back of the house, so he doesn't swing around and come in the back way. We have all of the guns and he seemed cooperative, but we have a gut feeling that he was in a rage when he drove off. And we listen to our inner feelings about these types of situations." "Pack enough for a week (until the court date) and get out of this neighborhood." So that's what I did. I had a neighbor friend watch the back and packed up for myself and my daughter, gave him (a single older man who had a handyman business out of his house) the key to my house so he could feed the cat, and asked him to watch the mailbox, put my daughter in her car seat and got out of town. That morning, I wasn't prepared to do that, just to get him out. I had 20 minutes to pack up and find a place to stay. It was a clean break and because he didn't know where I was, I wasn't worried about him finding me. The week gave him time to calm down, get an attorney, some good advice, and me time to get back on track, and firm up my resolve as to what was best for me and my daughter. The Deputy Sheriffs were professional, calm, and patient with my now-ex. They were courteous and gained his (at least temporarily) trust enough that he asked them some questions about the procedure and what the boundaries were. I was very thankful for the Sheriff Office serving in this capacity as no one got hurt and their advice was dead on. I truly recommend you do the same. It is totally to your benefit and actually totally to his as well if he returns while you're doing it. You have to inform others outside of your household and prepare for the worst. And please stop sharing any more information with him. Also, (and again - I am not an attorney or a psychologist) it is my understanding that if a person voluntarily admits him or herself into mental heath treatment or a mental health treatment facility, they can also voluntarily check themselves out. If you haven't done it - Google Gavin de Becker's book The Gift of Fear and answer the questions on the list of pre-incident indicators for the potential of violence from your abuser. That's how I found this website. I was in a pharmacy, waiting for a prescription and it was like God put this book in my hand. I don't even remember picking it out. Even though I am a voracious fan of public libraries and hadn't purchased a book since my college days, I actually parted with my money to take it home and I hid it, only reading it when I was alone. And in googling one of the terms (Verbal Abuse) it led me to both Patricia Evan's website and the website formerly known as a fantastic website, but which currently is swirling it's membership down the toilet with bad advice and worse treatment. And that's where we Admins got our bones. And now we are here.
  9. (((Quad))) He is in the arms of angels now...
  10. Dang girl - you've been active though, right? Glad you found us. I have yet to find another poster where everything is daisies and roses....there's always bad with the good - we just need to be better "bad" managers ! LOL As for your hair - it'll grow back - but I know nothing sets off a bad day like a bad hair day... It's still one day at a time...even over here. Welcome.
  11. I'm sorry. Your dad needs to separate everything he holds himself and get a financial restraining order for th rest and put a credit alert on... I'm sorry.
  12. DANG GIRL !!! You need to be teaching US this class !
  13. Awesome ! So in May, you'll have $2,100 in your account???
  14. (((KF))) P.S. How's that $700 boat payment coming along?
  15. No one can kick you out of your own home. I grew up being lucky enough to be raised by 2 loving parents. My father was an "old dad" - he was 52 when I was born. So I grew up on stories about the Great Depression. And what they had to do to stay alive. So I also have a subliminal terror of not being able to afford the basic necessities. All of my sisters and brothers, except for my oldest brother, have made certain sacrifices to be able to support themselves. I told my oldest brother who called me one day and said his GF kicked him out of their apartment ..."No one can kick you out of your own home." KF - you (and your mother) are smart enough to handle your own financial affairs and you can support your family. But you can't afford the instability your husband brings home. You truly don't depend on him for a whole lot these days because you know he's undependable. If you're still feeling on the fence about the Reno trip and he mentions it again...quietly go up to him...look him in the eye...and say with conviction..."Do what you need to do...I know you have the best interest of our family...and I'll do the same." I'll bet you a paycheck...he'll follow you around questioning you about what you meant...and you don't need to answer either.. It's not teasing him...It's just a statement of faith in yourself. How he reacts will show you his veracity.