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  1. Scrolled a little further and found Patricia Evans' Controlling People, The Verbally Abusive Man: Can He Change?, and Victory Over Verbal Abuse, as well. I've not read that last one, but the others were very helpful.
  2. There is a new service available to Prime members called Prime Reading. You can download a select catalog of books and magazines to your Kindle, phone, or tablet for no additional charge. I was scrolling through the titles that are available and The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans is one of the selections. Now, I wouldn't suggest paying for a Prime membership simply to read this book, but if you already have Prime you can download it for free. Just be certain that no one else has access to your Prime account and that information about your Prime account and emails from Amazon do not go to a shared mailbox. (Am I missing anything here? Will the book title show up in ads on a shared computer? Perhaps someone else who is tech savvy can chime in with anything I haven't thought of.)
  3. I just read the story you had posted here. You mentioned he has your passwords to emails and such. Did you give them to him? Is it possible he has installed a keylogger on your computer? Would he let you take your daughter to a public library for storytimes or other programs? Would he let you join a book club or go to adult art programs? Public libraries have computers with internet access for the public to use.
  4. I was just going to post those very questions. Also, is the computer set to autocomplete URLs? You don't want it to suggest one of the sites you're browsing. Same with Google - you don't want it to remember your history, either. Also, your name isn't really Liz Anderson, right? I found feminine hygiene product boxes to be convenient places to hide small things, like paper or cash, especially if you open the wrapper on a sanitary napkin and tuck things inside, then retape it.
  5. And how difficult is it, really, to get uniforms ready? Shouldn't he just have to grab them out of the closet? Or does he wad them up in a little ball and mail them to Timbuktu each time they wear them?
  6. Shoot, he doesn't even tell you where the conference is! Planned activities could mean anything from a naturalist leading them on a hike through the Petrified Forest to videogames in the lounge. Unless he coughs up more details, I'd say no.
  7. Lily's email changes are excellent! I'm wondering about your last sentence in the first paragraph, however. "I will make those trades" sets you up to always accommodate his requests, even when it might not be in your best interest. Perhaps something like, "I will give those trades my consideration", would be better? Good luck! He IS taking advantage of your willingness to "let things go".
  8. Good heavens! Someone who is awaiting trial for assault is still given the opportunity to sue for custody of his kids? No wonder our court systems are so clogged. Keeping my fingers crossed that they toss him in jail. They do still put people in jail for crimes, don't they?
  9. Good heavens. You are their mother. At the very least, your ex should have to let you know where the boys are living. I'm sure that Sir S will have some good advice.
  10. How long has he been living by himself? Is it possible that he truly didn't understand how different things would be with two additional people living permanently with him? I'm not saying his behavior is acceptable. It's not. However, I also know that people who live alone tend to become more set in their ways. It may also be harder for him to deal with two additional people moving into HIS house than it might have been had the three of you moved together into a house that was new to all of you. I do know that even though I love my college age kids and even though this is still their house, we have a period of adjustment whenever they come home. There are more messes and more laundry and more, well everything, when they are here. It takes some getting used to and they are our kids.
  11. Hello? If your daughter's ankle hurts she shouldn't be playing soccer. Period. What is this mother thinking? Isn't there a coach for the team? Shouldn't the coach be saying this to the parents? These aren't Olympic athletes with one chance to get a medal. These are kids whose bones are still growing!
  12. Excellent news! I'm so happy for you!
  13. The man holds waaaaaaay too much space in your head, seeker. You need to evict him from your brain. Keep your conversations only to the children. Don't stop by to see his renovations. He may no longer be your enemy, but he's not your friend. Until you stop allowing yourself to have these thoughts when he calls or does something cordial, you'll never be truly able to move on. I still remember reading what you wrote at the other place when you left. He was that bad. And it doesn't matter how he'll treat the next woman. He treated you badly. End of story.
  14. I'm pretty sure that if he can't find a ride back to jail that some nice policeman will come for him and drive him there. Sweetie, this is so NOT your problem. And I agree with everyone else - get him out of the house.
  15. I am so very happy that you are o.k. I'd probably be having a similar reaction if it had happened to me. Music sets me off, as well, and I can get weepy when songs remind me of something. Have you talked to a therapist about this?