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About Naiomi

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    walking, gaming, writing and helping others in abusive relationships.

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  1. Hey all :-) I have been busy lately and have released a new book called The Little Book of Self Love. https://goo.gl/rRLJWZ (US Amazon) https://goo.gl/IIAWnX (UK Amazon) https://goo.gl/BOhbxO (AU Amazon) https://goo.gl/qhtCHa (CA Amazon) I thought it would be an awesome idea to create a book on how to help people who have been emotionally hurt, abused or simply need a confidence boost. I'm a great believer in using affirmations to banish negative thoughts, which are especially prevalent for those of us who have experienced abusive relationships. I'm also a designer, so used my skills to create some pretty cool picture affirmations. This little book of love is filled with beautifully created pictures of positive affirmations, and a guide detailing on how to use affirmations. You can also create your own, relevant to your specific situation. Remember, if you can repeat it and see it, then you can be it! If you would like to feel better about yourself, your life, future and relationships or need emotional healing, then this book will help you love yourself again. Download the graphics and use them as your you wish, or flick through them to remind yourself just how incredible you are. I have attached an example of one of the affirmations in my book! Best wishes Naiomi P.S. Please remember that abuse is never your fault.
  2. Hi all I hope everyone is well. The divorce is still going through and should be finalised within a few months. STBXH still wants to get back together but then again, of course he does. I guess he is missing having someone to use as a verbal punching bag on a regular basis. Me on the other hand, I don't miss him much at all, in fact I'm finding it really hard to remember anything really positive about our relationship. Sure there were a few good points but they are just completely overshadowed by the name calling, guilt trips and shouting. I miss some of the family outings and holidays but even they were often ruined by abuse. So seriously, what is there to miss? Four months ago, a few weeks after I filed, I had doubts about divorce and I said to my husband, "let's wait. Let's not put the house up for sale yet and seriously think about what we are doing and take a step back." However, I did not put the divorce on hold, as he wanted. I said that I didn't feel ready to put in on hold, I wanted to see how things went yet, as we were going to try counselling. So, what did he do? He put the house up for sale anyway, to show me who was boss because I wouldn't play the game exactly his way. So, the house went up for sale and he went away for the weekend. When he got back to visit the kids, I had cleaned the house from top to bottom, all the clutter was put away, ready for the potential house viewings. So what did he do? He got angry because I 'should have known that he didn't mean it, that he didn't really want to put the house up for sale'. I should have apparently realised that he was just trying to teach me a lesson, to scare me into stopping the divorce. Then he complained because I had dared to clean the house and he had never seen it so tidy! It was at that point that I knew it was over. I didn't want any more mind games or someone trying to control me. Anything that has come out of his mouth from that day forward, I haven't believed a word of. Apart from the fact that this man has been very verbally abusive for years, called me the worst words a woman could hear, has been unfaithful with a prostitute and now playing all these flipping mind games as well? No more. Every week he will still put me down about something, or criticise me. Even this morning he shouted at me because I got the venue wrong for a party my daughter was going to. Then he rings me a day later and asks me if we can get back together? Ooooh yes please! What a treat that would be lol! Well in a way, at least it makes it easier for me to divorce him because he cannot even pretend to be nice for more than a day. Of course the divorce is my fault, because I should be more forgiving Things are looking up for me, which is great. I got a good part time job which pays well, quite a rarity usually. This means I can still do most of the school run, which I really wanted to try to do for my daughter. I've also had more me time, to spend with my friends when he has the kids and I've also joined a social group who meet up every few weeks. My kids are ok, although I know they are finding it hard because we don't spend as much time with daddy as much any more but I am doing my best to keep the peace and encourage their relationship with their dad, even if I don't want him now. At least they are still very young and hopefully will adjust ok in the future. Best wishes for now /hugs Naiomi (Maddie)
  3. That's great Shalimar! Go out, enjoy yourself and have some well deserved fun. /hugs Naiomi
  4. Hi Sheri I'm sorry your husband has been so unsupportive. I remember that well, often when I was sick my STBXH would see it as a great inconvenience to him because I wasn't well enough to pander to his needs and give him attention, or that he had to help out extra with the children. In fact those were the times when he was most abusive. It is that sort of selfish behaviour that makes me realise that I am so better on my own, with me and the kids. At this moment, my son has a sick bug and I am dealing with it fine, in fact so much better than when my STBXH was around. I am just getting on with it, trying to make my children feel as comfortable as possible without all the added and completely unnecessary drama that my H created. Life is peaceful, I am a far better mum and I can see a future ahead of me. It took four months since we split up for me to get to this point but I am in a far far better state of mind now and I feel so much healthier. I am never ever going back. /hugs Naiomi
  5. Hi Lorelei. Thanks for the information. I will keep reminding him to stick to the point, which he is terrible at. I'm finding that he wants to arrange everything now, such as future contact with the kids, child support and what percentage of the equity of the house I am going to get. He is bullying me basically. I've just said it depends and at the moment I am not willing to agree to anything but I will be fair. My children are aged 2 and 5. Naiomi
  6. Thanks for your support everyone Can some please remind me how to do the no contact (or low contact) thing when you have kids? /hugs Naiomi
  7. Hi Danu I remember your story and have wondered how you are. I know it has been tough for you but keep hanging in there, at least he is further away from you now. I've just started divorce proceedings myself and hope to see a light at the end of the tunnel soon. /hugs Naiomi (Maddie)
  8. Hi everyone Just thought I would give you an update. Well he begged and bullied me into giving him another try, which I did for two weeks and put the divorce on hold. The man is so entitled it is unbelievable. I was obviously still reeling from him having visited a prostitute and he got annoyed at me because I didn't feel like being intimate with him yet! The guy sulked and stomped around like a three year old. He also told me that he thought I had 'delayed post natal depression' (our son is 2!) and that is the reason why I may not be able to forgive and forget easily. Talk about adding insult to injury and blaming everyone but himself. Still what more should I have expected? Anyway the divorce is back on and I have told him there is no way we can reconcile. I feel relieved but stressed. At least I can breathe again. /hugs Naiomi
  9. Thanks everyone! I am very sad but I can at least now see a light in the distance. I will get there. Like Mary Oliver said....'Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" Naiomi x
  10. Hi all Well after nearly 10 years of this, I have filed for divorce. I feel sad but relieved. I really have to thank him in a way for visiting that prostitute, it gave me the 'final straw' that I know we are all looking for in an abusive relationship. I do think though, that because he wasn't as verbally as abusive in the last year of our relationship that this is when he started looking elsewhere for 'fun'. It just goes to show that even if you don't have the abuse, it comes out in other ways. Best wishes and hugs Naiomi.
  11. Thanks everyone Yes even though it has been a few weeks of high stress, I really feel like I am able to stand on my own two feet. This is huge for me as that is what scared me the most - that I wouldn't be able to afford to look after me and the kids on my own. /hugs Naiomi
  12. Hi everyone Well this 'man' I have married just makes me feel ill. If his encounter with the prostitute wasn't bad enough, it is his continous emotional abuse. Before we separated last week, he told me that if he had to leave the house then he may not be able to pay for our mortgage (and default on it) and rent a place for himself. That he may have to stop working or go bankrupt. That he may not be able to see our kids again because he wouldn't be able to handle it, therefore just abandoning them. As I only work part time this did scare me initially, however I found out that if I worked a few extra hours at work then I could claim benefits that would cover the cost of looking after myself and the kids too. So now that we have separated he came crawling to me today and said 'he didn't mean it'. That he would never abandon me or the children, nor would he go bankrupt etc. He was sorry... he should have never said those things to worry me... He asked me today whilst he visited the kids, why I had upped my hours at work so that I can claim benefits. I said, because you told me that it was likely you wouldn't be able to look after us if we separated, so I'm looking after us now. I mean really what did he expect me to do. To crawl back to him, to be so scared by his manipulation tactics that I would not ask him to leave?? Not anymore. Well seriously screw you h, I can do this on my own. By trying to manipulate me it really backfired on you didn't it. He really makes me sick and has done for a long time. Thanks for letting me vent. /hugs Naiomi
  13. Hi Sheri I know this post is a few weeks old but really wanted to add something to it. I did alot of research on verbal/emotional abuse for years. I wanted validation, to know I wasn't imagining his abuse. To know how others felt when they were verbally abused and how they handled it. I would google information, often obsessively and now, guess what after my h has been unfaithful, now I'm googling again about infidelity. Although it is helpful to gather some information about a problem, I do find that I over do it. I have to say to myself that if the relationship I am in causes me to search indefinitely for answers then it is very unhealthy. Surely my (our) resources and time would be better spent elsewhere either on our own or in a healthy relationship, where we didn't have to go through all this inner turmoil and endless self doubt and questioning. I hope you are having a better time lately and that your Christmas was ok. /hugs Naiomi
  14. Absolutely MG, I know any type of cheating hurts like hell but to pay for it from a prostitute is just the ultimate in disrespect towards me and women in general. I don't think he could have done much worse if he tried. /hugs Naiomi
  15. Thanks all Yes I will get tested, apart from the worry of STDs, I also feel unclean and violated. I will wait for another few months before I test so that it gives time for anything untoward to show up. Well you are right Curly, he still had his bad moods and things had to be done his way, so not all the abuse had gone. Anyway, I agree it is for the best. I actually feel relieved he has gone in a strange kind of way. /hugs Naiomi