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About JamesF

  1. I've been to afraid to talk to her at all about it. Every day i don't makes me more upset with myself. She's starting to show some sign of going more back to being herself. Today I asked a simple question and had to ask several times to get an actual answer. The way she's acting is fake... She will tell me one thing and tell her friend how she's actually feeling. I'm still searching for answers on if she is covert or over narcissistic. I'm not sure why it matters, but I need some reason to point to why and validate. I have read all of the replies to this thread over and overt.. I'm praying one day soon I'll have the strength to say it's over. By the way it's my child from a previous relationship, my wife and I don't have any kids together.
  2. No I have not. Why?
  3. So far I have been unable to get the courage to speak up. This is hard
  4. It's my house so I could but it seems silly to. Like it's in only my name. It would make more sense for her to leave.
  5. What I meant was I'm going to tell her we need to separate and she needs to leave.
  6. You guys say a prayer I'm having a little talk where I say we are separating this weekend. I'm very nervous, and Im not very good at breakups. I have no idea what will happen after I say what I say, which is scary.
  7. I almost cried reading your post. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.
  8. Yes it is definitely comforting. I think when all of this is over I'll be taking it one day at a time for awhile. I thought of something earlier, back when we were dating I noticed that she loved to find something to be mad about and run with it. She even told her friend one she likes doing that. That was my intuition trying to warn me, but I ignored it. This whole time no matter what I did she would find something wrong or would get mad at small stuff and would stay mad a couple days. It was a way to manipulate me and give her fake power over. Thinking about that makes me pretty upset.
  9. Yeah you're right I just don't do well being alone, which may be why I end up in relationships like that. You all have convinced me of what I need to do, I'm just not sure how to do it. I feel the relationship is not salvageable there was just too much damaged done to me. She's still trying to guilt me saying "you throw it in my face every day about what I did" but tries to show affection through a hug and I find it very hard to show any affection. I cannot understand how a person can say such things, expect me to just forget it and be loving towards them and get upset when I bring up the past. Her way of thinking makes zero sense.
  10. So those of you that left... Did you find someone you're happy with?
  11. My tip is to get him to leave voicemail when he's mad. Think about it, it says "leave a message after the beep" so it tells you it's about to record. You might be in a state that you have to notify.. And that's a way around it.
  12. My pastor pretty much blamed us both. He actually seemed to mostly take my side, but oddly enough he said "I've done x wedding and none have divorced please don't be the first". He laughed and seemed to be joking, but it rubbed me the wrong way and it added to the pressure I feel. No offense but that doesn't sound like a good church. That was very judgemental of him to act that way. Sorry you had to go through that.
  13. I just looked up and read on catching fleas and now it makes sense to me. Thank you for that! I needed that for sure! Its very interesting and eye opening how much it affects people when someone is verbally abused. I'm very glad I found this site, support is something mentioned over and over in books and articles.
  14. That's what I'm struggling with. I find myself thinking back saying "did I say something that I shouldn't have said to set her off". In counseling this was asked, and the pastor also spoke about it. Thinking about it makes my head spin.
  15. So I've got to be honest, I'm not 100% innocent in this. My reactions to her abuse haven't always been great. I've raised my voice a few times...like when she lacks empathy and other times to(thinking back she hasn't shown much the last couple years. I'll be sick in bed but she isn't nurturing or kind how I feel she should be. I get that men are babies when sick, but she appears not to care). Several books mentioned that sometimes men are actually the ones abusive and play the victim role... And I then try to think back combing through our fights to see if I'm the one actually doing it. I'm having problems separating the two. I'm not sure if it's part of the brain washing, or guilt, or what.