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cloudsandsunshine

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About cloudsandsunshine

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  1. Thanks for the recommendation to the book and everyone's opinions and words of wisdom from your own experiences! You guys are awesome! I looked the book up and starting reading it. WOW, its like the author knows my husband in person! So much stuff in there says exactly what he is doing and how he is acting.Really is an eye opener! Thanks again!!
  2. He tells me that too! He's like "I do that to teach you a lesson so you wont do it again" My eyes are being opened more and more on what is really going on here. I was in denial for a long time and was desperately trying to fix "me". Now I am starting to see its the other way around. I know I'm not perfect but I'm not bad enough that I deserve all this! Thank so much everyone for your helpful words and info. It really makes me feel better to talk to people that has been through it all and understands. Im trying to figure out what to do next. Thanks so much!
  3. Thank you everyone for all your input. It really make me feel wonderful to talk and have someone understand what is going on. I really appreciate everyone taking the time to reply to my dilemma. I wish he would go to marriage counseling so that maybe he can see what he is doing to me by getting someone else perspective besides just mine on the matter cause when I try to explain how he is to him he goes on and on about how justified he is with what he is doing and how I "drive" him to do it. I do admit I forget a LOT. I have a thyroid issue and I think that leads to a lot of it. Well, He gets really frustrated with that and says I DON'T forget I just DON'T care. And about sex, he says I need to give it to him even when I don't wont to. He loves oral and that's they way he wants it most of the time. (sorry if that's to much info) But I hate it. But still do it nearly ever time. two to three times a week. I tell him he gets it more then enough and he said it doesn't matter if its three times a day. He should be able to get sex when he wants it.. Im at a point where I dread sex and want to try to get it over with as soon as we start. I used to like but now its like a dreaded chore. If I went the rest of my life with no more sex I would LOVE it. And I just got out of my twenties.... Another thing is He cant stand my family cause he said they dont care about him. All they care about is me. He yelled at my sister one time cause she called and he answered with "hello" she said "can I talk to my sister"? He yelled at her and said "what you cant even say hi"? and hung up on her. My sister was like 14 at the time and we had just moved away. When she finally got ahold of me and told me about she said she just didn't think to say hi to him she was just wanting to talk to me about something." So I just told try to remember to say Hi before asking to speak to me. He didnt want me going over to my parents house a lot when we lived near them and when I would go he was calling up like 15 minutes later telling me to get my butt home. I asked him about that recently and asked why he didn't like me going over there. Well, he went on this rant about how I used to go over here and be gone for HOURS at a time and he was stuck home with the kids CONSTANTLY. It made me so angry to hear that because I KNOW that's not the truth! ANd the more I told him that he was lying to not only me but to himself, the angrier he got until it blew up in a huge fight. I cant understand how he actually believes his own lies. A few day before my dad died I had stopped by his house to see him after work cause my sister had called me and told me how sick he had gotten overnight. He called my cell wondering where I was and I told him that dad was sick and I had stopped by to see him after work. He went into a rage and started yelling so loud that my mother even heard him through the phone. Telling me to get my butt home NOW! He was home with the kids and said I needed to get home to help him. I came home and begin to cry in front of him telling him how sick dad was. My sister called me and told me Dad was even worse but my dad was refusing an ambulance. I told my husband I was going back over there and I can still hear the words plain as day in my head. In an exasperated voice he snapped "just go and get it your of your system". My dad died a few days later. I rode with my dad to the hospital after he slipped into a coma and after getting there I called my husband up and asked him to come up to the hospital with me. I told him I need his support. He refused and said he was not going to bring our kids up there and have to run after them. He told me there was nothing I can do and to come home now. He needed help with the kids. I got a ride back home and later that night the hospital called and said they wanted all the immediate family to come see him and make a decision to take him off of life support. My husband then did take me up to hospital and was comforting me as we were in the ICU. I dont think he realized how sick my dad really was. After we went back home for a rest my cousin called me and told me my dad had died after we left. This was over 10 years ago and as I type this I cant help but cry all over again... Well, I fell apart when I was on the phone with my cousein. I was crying uncontrolably. I heard him mutter next to me "come ON now" He thought I was being over dramantic.... It still hurts to this day that those were the first words he spoke to me after I found out my dad was gone. He says me and my famiy have a mental problem. We get to dramantic over things... He did hug me at the funeral and was sympethitic to me then though.. To this day he still thinks he did nothing wrong. His excuse was that he didnt know my dad was sick or he wouldnt have thrown such a fit when he called me on my cell that day when I was at dads. He said I was always leaving him and going over there and was gone for HOURRS at a time and he had to take care of the kids alone and all that. I know Im not crazy or have a mental block from doing that becasue my dad used to ask me why I wouldnt go visit him more. I never told him that it was because of my husband. I moved away from EVERYONE that I ever knew 6 monthes after dad dies and went with him and our kids to his family that was many states away from mine. I told him one day that, that was a huge sacrifice for me to make and he looked at me and said " WHY?? I am your husband. It should not have been that hard to leave. It was hard because all you care about is them and not me." I tell him how much I have missed out on. Funerals, birthdays, wedding etc etc. and most importantly my children not have a daily relationship with my mom. He says thats to bad but our lives don't revolve around my family. After watching a movie about two women who were childhood friends and grew old together and remained friends all their lives, I told him that that would be awesome. To have a childhood best friend to see often and grow old with. He said I was crazy. That's what your problem is he said. You have a husband to grow old with. You don't need a best friend..They would just cause trouble in each others relationship.... This is just the tip of the iceberg . I could go on and on . But thanks for reading and letting me vent a little. It really helps me feel better to write this all out.
  4. Is withholding sex until getting an apology manipulative and/or the wrong way to go about with it? I have read forums before about women withholding sex for different reasons to get what they want. And usually its met with a lot of disapproval and criticism. But in my case all I want is an apology. I am still cooking the meals for him and cleaning, washing his clothes, making his lunch for work etc etc. The only thing i'm holding back is sex. Heres what happened. Over the weekend I was in the ER with our teenage son. He was sick and my husband and I agreed that I would take him in cause the doctor's office wasn't open. I had my cell phone with me and was texting my husband updates on what was going on. My battery on my phone was low. I used it to get on my facebook and post an update requesting prayer from my family and also to text my sister about what was going on and to wish her a happy birthday. It took a long time to get seen there and I texted my husband telling him when we finally getting in a room to see a D oc and that they were testing our child for strep. A little while later my phone started to go dead so I sent him a text saying the battery was almost out and if he didn't hear from me that was why. I would let him know everything when I got home. Well it went dead a couple of hours before I got home. When I got home he asked why I didn't text him. I told him the battery went dead and that the D oc said our child had strep throat. No more was said about the phone. Well, later that night I talked to his mom and she already knew about what was going on and my husband asked how she found out. I told him I had posted a prayer request on facebook and she found out that way. Well he flipped out. Saying that was why my battery went dead because I knew it was low and still got on facebook and talked to my family on it. I told him I did NOT spend the whole time on the phone. I was gone for about 7 hours so it was bound to die before I got back home. He started yelling at me and calling me a b**** and that I should have never even gotten on facebook to begin with when I knew my battery was low. I agree I probaby should not have but I did anyway cause it was a fast way to let my family know what was happening. He could not get ahold of me for two hours because it was dead. I told him our child was fine and there was no reason to get so bent our of shape over the issue. He would not listen to me trying to explain that I was NOT on the phone talking to people at all (beside a few texts) and that I didn't see the harm in posting a post of FB about what was going on. He started yelling over me saying I did not NEED to let anyone know what was happening and he just wouldn't let me talk. Saying I was on the phone the entire time with people and FB making my battery go dead and that I didn't care if he could get ahold of me and that all I cared was talking to my family and getting on FB. I tried to deny it but he would not let me get a word in. That's when the name calling started. When he thinks he knows something is a certain way then there is no way to change him mind so I just quit trying. He didn't believe me anyway. He used to be really bad a name calling but had slacked off lately and when I asked him why he would call me those names he told me I must like it cause I keep doing stuff to make him mad. He has broken things in our home and says "you are the one who broke this because you drove me to do it" He seems to be jealous of my family a lot. We live over 2000 miles away from all my family. Its going on 2 years since I seen anyone and looks like its going to be 3 because of money issues. I make it a point to not talk to them much when hes around because he always seems to find something bad to say about the conversation that he "overhears". He has told me I sound so silly when I'm on the phone with them etc etc. Or he says that when I'm on the phone with them then I completely ignore him and act like he doesn't even exist. He will also repeat what I'm saying to them at the time, in a silly mocking type of voice. For example I was talking the other day to my sister about her baby and was saying "ohhh that sounds so cuuute!! and Awwww I want to see her! and ohhhhh shes adorable!" and hes sitting there imitating me in this high over exaggerating voice. I have to leave the room cause I didn't want my sister hearing him. He tells our kids that when I am on the phone with my family, all I care about is my other family and no one else. So that's why I make a point not to talk to them when hes around cause of the drama it starts. I live over 2000 miles away from my mom, sibling and every blood relation that I have. My father had passed away 6 months before we moved. He wanted to live near his sick father so we moved. So I moved away from my family so he could be by his. His dad was not doing well and being that my dad had just died I understood the urgency. It was a very hard thing to do for me. I was still grieving the loss of my own father and needed the support of my family and especially my mother. But we moved and his father did end up passing away. His mother is sickly too so we have not moved back. And he has told me numerous times that we will never move back cause he hates it there and doesn't want to be there. He hates the climate.. It has been over 10 years now since we have moved. So back to the main topic. I told him he has to apologise to me for calling me that. He called me from work and apologised. I told him that he has to do it to my face and he is refusing to. He actually called me a b**** again. He said he will not say he is sorry to my face because I made him do it by doing stupid stuff. So i said well, then no sex till you do. He said fine, then he will get it somewhere else. I told him that will cause me to leave because I wont put up with that. He said "You will never know." I really don't think he will do something like that though. I think its just a threat. So I Was just like whatever, and left it at that. He can be very manipulative at times and I got to thinking. Am I being like him? And I am going to be completely honest here. I WANT to see him do it. He has so much pride. I would feel so much pleasure in seeing him stand before me and swallow his pride and apologise. I am not a name caller. I don't curse him out. I hold a lot in cause it just makes it worse when I try to argue with him. He has done that countless times to me( cursing and name calling) and I just want to see him loose a little of his ego and admit he was wrong for doing that. Everytime he breaks things in anger he blames it on me. Saying "You broke that because you caused me to do it so its your fault" We have been married over 13 years and I am tired of him doing this. I WANT him to apologize and I feel like this is the only way I will get one and being that its so hard for him to do it then perhaps he will quit with the name calling. WOW, this post ended up a lot longer then I thought it would. I even took a lot out lol Thanks for taking the time to read. Please give me your honest opinion. CAS.