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About Vickeee

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    Sub Tropical Climate
  1. I've been on medication for most of my adult life. I can't get out of bed and function without it. My life was a mess until I found the wellbutrin. My old psychiatrist said that I react to SSRI's as if I was bipolar (I'm not, I know this is totally beside the point), it helps with the depression. When I was much more depressed I also took lamictal, that helped very quickly. I also have severe anxiety, which Wellbutrin is known to increase and when I feel like I can't function I take propranolol, which is a blood pressure medication (a beta blocker), it's not addictive. All that being said, medication can be a great tool to help you so that you can get better. Everyone reacts differently to the various medications available. I recommend seeing a psychiatrist and not your normal physician. I also agree with Quaddie about not excluding physical causes. Get that checked first. What does your therapist think? That's who got me to take medication initially. She really had to talk me into it. I was incredibly afraid of how it would affect my brain. I hope you feel better soon.
  2. Mine went on my social media and liked a bunch of my posts and made nice comments. Offered to take me out and spend time with me and the said he called the counselor I'd been asking him to call for months. I ignored it all and broke up with him via txt. Bonus, I saw his dad while I was on a date the other day. The x had tried really hard to make me feel bad about myself, like telling me that I was not as attractive as the other women he had dated, and that I had gone to schools that weren't as prestigious as his brilliant and hot exes. He even compared me to them sexually. He told me people made comments about how old I was, I was 2 years older than him. Anyways, it felt really good to run into his dad while out with a good looking man. I know this is totally off topic, sorry, it just felt so very good. Good for you Fluffyflea, that is awesome!
  3. This makes so much sense.
  4. Yes! Both of them were incredibly frightening/fast drivers. One had a tendency to go 75 in a 35mph zone. Both were very aggressive drivers
  5. I've also heard the perfection argument. There's a lot of room between putting in an effort and perfection. There's a big difference between putting in a genuine effort and trying to manipulate a situation. Abusive behavior isn't exactly something that makes someone want the closeness of any kind of touch. I'm sorry you're being treated this way.
  6. I agree with Bennu and also about the action vs emotion. My ex used to yell at me after he worked himself into a state of anger as a pre-emptive move so that I wouldn't bring up things that he did, like spend our entire savings on who knows what. I know with both my abusive exes, anger was a tool they used to try to control my actions. Mainly so they could do whatever they wanted without any word about it from me, like they needed to be unquestioned kings. They both used my fear, something that's biologically programmed into us so we can survive, to try to control my actions with their frightening behavior. They didn't actually care about my emotions. I wonder if your's cared about you saying you were afraid instead of caring that you actually were afraid. I know mine wanted to look like the good guys. That's the circular type of arguments they use. Then they throw in some name calling for good measure.
  7. I'm sorry. There's nothing you could have done. Nothing. There was nothing you did to cause him to be abusive. My longer ago ex that I was with for 12 years was very verbally abusive, he got married recently. I couldn't go no-contact because we work in the same field, and it's a very small world. Their relationship looked so good from the outside that I started to wonder if it was me, if I was too unyielding, I'm not exactly laid back. Nope. It wasn't. Next time I saw them, she looked really upset, really upset, and he had that look on his face. I know he's doing the same thing to her, I know that look. I feel really bad for her. I hope you feel better soon. Try not to be hard on yourself. It's natural to have those feelings.
  8. It's abusive. You're not his child, you're his partner. It's the whole control thing, he's the king and you are only there to serve him, how dare you think/act for yourself when he feels he needs to take over. I hope that makes sense. If he wasn't abusive he would never behave this way about money in the first place. You'd be able to come up with some sort of budget together, and there would be autonomy within the mutual system. If he wasn't abusive this would never be a problem in the first place. Of course you feel uncomfortable talking to him about money. It makes perfect sense. Do you know how he's going to react? He abusive. It's not possible to even have a conversation with abusive people. Your input doesn't really count, in fact, it's an obstruction. His behavior is NOT normal.
  9. I'm still working on dealing with the awful waves of pain. Can you move to a different town so you can attend meetings without seeing him? I don't know. I'm sure you've already considered that. Are there virtual meetings? Can you go to NA meetings until he stops hogging? Are there any woman only meetings?
  10. I'm so sorry. Quaddie is so right on. The whole thing about him admitting that you disappointed him, like it's a kindness to tell you the *cough* truth. Seems like he's just saying whatever you'll believe to use as an excuse. Sociopaths are fantastic liars. I had an abusive ex that I went to couples counseling with and his behavior became so devious. He changed tactics, not abuse. It was just so well hidden that I could no longer call him on it. It was still abuse. I might be projecting, but it seems like he might be doing that. I'm so sorry. I can see how hurt you are. You deserve so so SO much better. It takes time to process it. Realizing that you weren't loved for you, but for what you could provide. Hugs Hugs Hugs Hugs Hugs
  11. Like already stated above, there is no good way. None. I was once asked to communicate what was bothering me by touch, because communicating using any words was still too upsetting for him. It was insane. You're not responsible for his behavior. His telling you he wasn't blaming you and then blaming you sounds really manipulative. I found that writing down the incidents helped me sort things out a lot. I used a password protected journal that he had no way of accessing. Make absolutely sure he can't read it if you do write it down. When I was feeling confused I would go and read my past entries. It made the flat out lies easier to spot and brought some clarity to the entirety of the situation. Mine said I was always mad too. He was lying. It seems like he's the angry one, screaming and all. You deserve so much better. The book that Quaddie mentioned above is really eye opening.
  12. I'm sorry Fluffyflea. They do. Happy belated birthday!
  13. Whenever I would tell him how I needed respect, he would respond by saying something like: and my need for respect doesn't matter?!!!!! It was constant. The stuff they say is unbelievable. How do they learn to do this? It IS amazing that they all use the same techniques. I think I was his container for his short comings, bad feelings and mistakes. It seems like he wanted me to cary it around for him. I oscillate between feeling guilty and feeling angry about the way I was treated. Good for you!
  14. Huh, so that's what that is. It's really great that there's a word. I imagined that hoovering would be nicer, or less insult-y, not a crazymaking mean word mash. What you wrote makes a lot of sense, that it keeps me thinking about him. I had this thought a long time ago, that I was seeing what I wanted behind his actions, like that he was being honest and had good intentions and wasn't seeing him, and he wasn't seeing me because he kept attributing all these malicious things to everything I did. If anything negative could possibly be associated with my words he would assume that was the meaning. So we weren't seeing each other at all. Which is sad. During the entire relationship I kept trying to show him who I was so that would see me and he never did, but I see him now. It's so odd. Thank you for your response. It really helps explain it, which makes it easier to get out of my head. I just have to keep remembering. I created a mail filter as well now so if anything does get through it goes straight to trash.
  15. Thank you appletree. The support helps so so so much. I know it's not my problem, how he's reacting, but it still hurts. Knowing he's been lying to me, the complete disregard for what I've said and written to him and him making my experience, that he doesn't know, into his narrative, like I'm not a person