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About Vickeee

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    Sub Tropical Climate
  1. Like already stated above, there is no good way. None. I was once asked to communicate what was bothering me by touch, because communicating using any words was still too upsetting for him. It was insane. You're not responsible for his behavior. His telling you he wasn't blaming you and then blaming you sounds really manipulative. I found that writing down the incidents helped me sort things out a lot. I used a password protected journal that he had no way of accessing. Make absolutely sure he can't read it if you do write it down. When I was feeling confused I would go and read my past entries. It made the flat out lies easier to spot and brought some clarity to the entirety of the situation. Mine said I was always mad too. He was lying. It seems like he's the angry one, screaming and all. You deserve so much better. The book that Quaddie mentioned above is really eye opening.
  2. I'm sorry Fluffyflea. They do. Happy belated birthday!
  3. Whenever I would tell him how I needed respect, he would respond by saying something like: and my need for respect doesn't matter?!!!!! It was constant. The stuff they say is unbelievable. How do they learn to do this? It IS amazing that they all use the same techniques. I think I was his container for his short comings, bad feelings and mistakes. It seems like he wanted me to cary it around for him. I oscillate between feeling guilty and feeling angry about the way I was treated. Good for you!
  4. Huh, so that's what that is. It's really great that there's a word. I imagined that hoovering would be nicer, or less insult-y, not a crazymaking mean word mash. What you wrote makes a lot of sense, that it keeps me thinking about him. I had this thought a long time ago, that I was seeing what I wanted behind his actions, like that he was being honest and had good intentions and wasn't seeing him, and he wasn't seeing me because he kept attributing all these malicious things to everything I did. If anything negative could possibly be associated with my words he would assume that was the meaning. So we weren't seeing each other at all. Which is sad. During the entire relationship I kept trying to show him who I was so that would see me and he never did, but I see him now. It's so odd. Thank you for your response. It really helps explain it, which makes it easier to get out of my head. I just have to keep remembering. I created a mail filter as well now so if anything does get through it goes straight to trash.
  5. Thank you appletree. The support helps so so so much. I know it's not my problem, how he's reacting, but it still hurts. Knowing he's been lying to me, the complete disregard for what I've said and written to him and him making my experience, that he doesn't know, into his narrative, like I'm not a person
  6. Ok, so I guess he can say whatever he wants. I'm not going to bite. I might be upset about it, but I'm not going to let him know. He can go f%$k himself
  7. Good idea. Thank you. It really helps to have the support. Knowing that he's been lying to me about how busy he was at work and how he couldn't spend time with me because of that and then standing me up too. It really hurts, and then turning it all around on me.and complaining about how I've been reacting to how he's been treating me. I mean really???
  8. I got a really long email telling me how I'm defensive, and how things are my fault and how he's taken time off work because of how he's been feeling about me, how he might even need to be institutionalized! How he lied to me about it because he's so confused about how he's feeling, and how I messed up his work. I don't know how it got through. I blacklisted him. Anyways, part of it is asking for my advice about how I would have handled my horrible behavior if I was him, and why he wouldn't apologize when he knew he offended me. He didn't offend me. He compared me to his exes, sexually, negatively. I wasn't offended. I felt like I was kicked in the stomach, I was so hurt. I let him know this. I'm not sure what his goal is, but getting to be with me doesn't seem like it. WTF. How would he think this type of email would do anything? He puts the blame back on me so he could have a clear conscience. It's like a 700 word email telling me how horrible I am and how he's so hurt by me. In one part he says he showed his psychiatrist my txt messages so he could know if he was being defensive and then that was the end of that. It's almost funny. Then he goes on to talk about how bad he feels that he has any needs and then skips to how he doesn't know how he's been feeling. It's really all over the place. I'm not going to reply. I put his email into the blacklist again. I don't know how it got through
  9. Thank you for your responses. They gave me the courage to send my text. I did it, and then I blocked him from everything I could think of
  10. Wow Fluffyflea. Can you even imagine treating someone like that? I just blocked him on my emails. Going to send the text after I finish working today. I have a deadline that I have to focus on and I can't afford to be really anxious until I'm done
  11. Thank you. I keep thinking how much it would hurt me if I got broken up with via txt, then I feel guilty. But I also wouldn't treat anyone the way he is treating me, the person he claims to love. I found http://youarenotcrazy.com today. I can't remember if it's in the resource page here. I know I can just check, but I kind of feel overwhelmed. It has a real recording with the abuse pointed out in a transcript if you click on "the quiz". It sounds so familiar. Listening to it I feel more sure in my decision. I'm making a block list, to try to not forget anything.
  12. So, last night he stood me up. I cooked for 2 hours for a dinner date we had set, he knew I would be doing a lot of cooking, I was making a really traditional meal from my country of origin. No call, no txt, nothing. The night before, he was supposed to go to some CODA meeting, because now he says he's codependent. So, I asked him if he went. He said he was 4 minutes late and that stopped him. He said he was nervous and didn't want to walk in late, never having gone to group, the nervous part I understand. I got upset and said that I was surprised that 4 minutes stopped him because he's never been only 4 minutes late, not even on our first date. He's literally never shown up on time, sometimes he's up to a couple of hours late and that doesn't seem to bother him at all, but 4 minutes late to an anonymous meeting does? It sort of confirmed my suspicion that he's not planning on getting any kind of help for anything because the only person who has problems in the relationship is me. I'm the one that's messed up. He got mad, silent treatment mad, which I didn't realize because he knows that him being late is a problem. His entire family gives him a hard time about being late all the time. It's also not a surprise that it frustrates me. So he stood me up. He's big on retaliation. Does things to purposely hurt me. I thought we were still on. I get a txt today about some show on hulu like nothing happened, which is also normal, he usually acts like nothing happened and I'm supposed to go along with it. Only I'm done. I want to leave the relationship, we've been dating over a year, not quite a year and a half. I'm afraid to talk to him on the phone or in person. Any time I try to bring something up the conversation is a total nightmare. Everything gets turned around and I end up being attacked. My concerns don't get addressed. I really don't want to have another conversation like that. What do you think? Is it okay to break up with him over txt? Any other ideas?
  13. I'm sorry. I can feel the pain pain in your words. It's more stalking and possible hack attempts. They do whatever they can to throw us off and don't like losing control. Document the incidents.
  14. All of these. Constantly telling me how hot his exes were. Telling me that his exes did *more* for him sexually, but he had never made it clear what it was that he wanted, even though I had asked repeatedly, and when I told him this really hurt my feelings and I was starting to believe he was wishing I was someone else I got silence. I felt rejected to my very core and so thoroughly humiliated. Still, Silence
  15. Yes, totally all about him. Sounds so familiar. Good on you for making the "unilateral decision"