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About Betty

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    Welcome Member
  1. Pleased for you. Sounds like you've really moved on, I would feel quite proud :-)
  2. Not got any advice, just wanted to say I'm rooting for you! Wishing you as easy as possible move and future happiness.
  3. Hi Quaddie, you're right I think that it's not necessary to be bitter / resentful. Perhaps I didn't explain myself well. I found myself spending more and more time feeling that way last year. For some reason I've been able to let go of that quite substantially this year. Which I'm really relieved about. It's not 'me' to be that way. And its a painful way to live too. Being let down by friends and family as well as therapists and dv workers hurt so deeply and was so frightening. Kind of left me feeling there was nowhere to turn. I think the last few months I've been flipping between the keen hurt of that / feeling bitter and resentful / dissociating I agree too, I think to forgive or not is the decision of the aggrieved and no one else. I guess I keep telling myself that in the future I might be able to have some better friends, therapists etc. Once I've made better friends with myself maybe
  4. Thanks Starshine, Good for you And having been through a few therapists who just didn't seem to understand at all I really think you are right!
  5. Thanks much White Butterfly I think I recognise that is something I'm going to have to do alone also so it's really something to hear you are managing your way through doing that also. Reckon you might be helluva strong butterfly <3 ~Would it help to list some things you've been through with abuse?~ Childhood neglect, physical and sexual abuse. Bullying and Ostracism. I don't remember a kind word from anyone from age 11 till 15. Only abuse bullying or ostracism. Theme repeated in adult life with sexual assault, abusive relationships, and being blamed for not coping brilliantly at the same time as no one wanting to hear why. It took a hell of a lot of pain and rejection and being let down for me to get to the point of deciding to rescue myself. I'm glad I got there but theres lots of muxed feelings too - - sometimes feel stupid for not having realised earlier - at the same time feel I have done the best I could with a v difficult start - still feel like I am stuck in a swamp in a big way, and worry about getting sucked back in - part of me doesn't want to just forgive and forget having lived through so much trauma, and having received so little support from those who are supposed to care - at the same time I absolutely do not want to become a bitter resentful person - part of me suspects I might be able to learn to make much better friends and relationships as I learn to care better for myself though... Thanks for asking Appreciate it Took me a while to be able to come back to say something. Very best to you on your journey also <3
  6. Thanks Melinoe
  7. Thanks I can honestly say it is so so painful. But I have faced it and am going to do my damnedest to improve my situation in life. I want to enjoy as much of the life I have left as I can. Very best to you
  8. Special thanks for this post Hoping. Sounds like you understand very much what it is like to be in this situation. I su spect you are right about why others behave as they do. Though I know a part of me can't help but feel that in my time of need there is absolutely no one to turn to. This feeling catches me every so often and is so painful! I think it's why I have become so paralysed to talk now. Well I suppose in a way I have decided that in my time of need I am the one to turn to. I wish you the very best in extiracting yourself just as I do for myself. Very best to you
  9. Ever so glad you are going to go anyway Hope it goes well, and that you enjoy it
  10. Red flags or warning signs in the very beginning. Talking about me as if I was a major part of his life before we were even together. Talking about his exes excessively. Saying his ex had been abusive. Being jealous and agressive if I spoke to any man, even if they were obviously friends. Also my gut feelings. My gut feeling said I shouldn't have gotten involved with him - I knew the future would not be good with him. I was vulnerable and had difficulty trusting my perceptions. I trust em now
  11. I relate so much to what you've written here. I've spent so many years in that place of confusion. I still often get caught up when he is nicer. So I understand the strangeness of being so confused in your own situation whilst having hawk eyes at spotting in another's. Did you ever read the Verbally Abusive relationship by Patricia Evans? It lists lots ways in which a partner can be abusive. For me it did a great job of cutting through the deer in headlights confusion. And helping me to spot even covert abuse from him. I read it over and over. "just want to see it for what it is. There is nothing that frustrates me more than not being able to pinpoint or prove what I think is happening to me." I so so so understand this frustration. It is such a complete mind f**k isn't it. Best wishes to you <3
  12. I just wanted to come back to this to say thanks so much to everyone for your replies. It's meant a lot to me reading them. I haven't been able to come back and reply properly I guess there's a lot of fear about doing that. I kind of feel I've parked everything away for a while if that makes sense? Have honestly been quite desperate to talk for a long time, seems odd that I'm finding that so hard now. Maybe even talking about this might help a little. I suppose thinking about it. There's just been so many times of painful dissapointment when trying to talk to people about abuse that maybe it feels hard to trust. Or being afraid of what you want when it looks like you might actually get it. Anyhow Thanks
  13. Also following! Though I've not yet left my partner I will soon. Hope you find good help and info Fluffyflea
  14. Oh hoping so sorry to hear this, what a horrible way to behave. Good for you for standing up for your boundaries
  15. Hiya wasn't meant to ne poetic no, I wrote after my meditation though and that does tend to put me in a very peaceful headspace so hey. Nice of you to say How am I gonna rescue myself? Well let's see - I started from being v depressed frightened alone and physically weak. In the last months I've been slowly building good habits - to strengthen my body, build in a routine that includes self care and chores and doing things I love too. So, eating well, meditating, painting, reading, being in nature and so on I've also done lots of thinking, looking at my life, myself, what I like what I don't like, what I want to have in my life, how can I go about slowly shifting my life towards what I want it to be. I also have been withdrawing from relationships that don't feed me. I've been working on a plan to get away and doing little steps on that plan often. Thanks for the YouTube suggestions I'll look em up