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About Confused714

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    Advanced Member
  1. Husband found out in thinking of leaving. He is guilting me about my feelings and also I feel acting worse. I thought he would at least be nicer for a few days. Guess I'm wrong.
  2. It's an anxious feeling. A pit in my stomach like I am going to be sick. Just waiting for him to get angry. Horrible feeling.
  3. We are still together. just realizing things are less private than I thought.
  4. I had to change my name on here as I feel it was to identifiable. I also deleted all my posts that gave to much info about my situation. A recent incident made me realize my privacy is not as safe as I thought. My husband is very computer savvy and I was afraid he might find my posts since they were open to read. I just can't believe things are like this. I am feeling so stressed right now. I actually have a pit in my stomach that my life is going this way.
  5. The book is definitely very eye opening. I have been reading it since someone mentioned it on here. I have definitely seen a lot of him in it.
  6. I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this. I would be scared too. Maybe it's the push you need to take that first step. You can do it.
  7. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. That sounds like something my husband would do. I just love how they can tell and scream and then flip a switch and act like nothing happened. My husband does that all the time. Like we are just going to forget and be all happy.
  8. That is one thing I have worried about as well. I am only in my mid thirties. I don't want to be alone forever but I do know that if things keep going the way they are now then I will always be unhappy. I do know I need to work on myself if I want to have a good relationship. I have gone from one bad one to another. I dated someone else who was abusive, then an alcoholic with tons of issues (although we never fought so it was much better), to my current relationship. I think if I do end up getting strong enough to leave I will just take some time working on myself and enjoying time with my son. Then hopefully someday I will meet someone who will treat me right.
  9. I know something else with probably set it off. Our biggest issues are clutter and money but even if those were completely resolved there would be something else. He is super particular about his stuff. Car, furniture, house, etc. If something happens to them he gets upset. We have a toddler now who everyone knows things are going to happen. Or I do something accidentally and it will set him off. Some of the big blow ups have had nothing to do with the stuff he thinks I need to fix. I know there will always be something. It's just like you said. It builds up until there is a huge blow up. He also can go from being nice and happy and all the sudden a switch flips and he will just be a different person. I can't tell when the huge blow up is coming but I can tell when he is getting crabbier and crabbier which usually eventually builds to a blow up.
  10. Your situation sounds so much like mine. I also have a horrible fear of confrontation. I have terrible anxiety. My husband fights with me about the clutter in our house all the time. I am work on cutting that down as well. Causes a lot of fights but he doesn't give me much time to do abut I t about. I work full time and care for our son most of the time. Very little time to get much done. I did get a therapist and she is great and super supportive. I have not yet reached out to a lawyer but may soon. I will make sure it is someone who will support me. Hopefully we can help support each other through this. Everything you have said about what it does to your children scares me. I don't want that for my son.
  11. I was wondering about the no contact that everyone is mentioning. How do you do that if you have a child together? If I go there is no way to have no contact. Our son is also not even 2 yet so I have a long way to go.
  12. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I foubd this forum awhile ago but really started posting recently and have found everyone to be super helpful. A lot of what you were saying I can totally relate to. I am also a point where I don't know why I can't just take that first step out. I have a young son and I am worried things will get to the point yours has with your children. If he sees his dad yell like I have he will be afraid of him. He is not really old enough yet that it hasn't effected him but I know it's coming. I have a place to go. I have a good job and family. My mom wants me to meet with a lawyer to find out my rights. I've decided I'm giving him one last chance to change and then I'm out. I basically told him this the other day. I know it's highly unlikely he will but decided to at least give him one chance where I actually spoke up for myself. Usually I am super passive and just take it. I also began counseling myself so hopefully that will help me do what I need to. I hope you can get up the strength to do what you need to. It is scary.
  13. I'm sorry you are going through this. Your situation sounds very similar to mine except it's my husband. The only time I am comfortable is when he is at work (works a night shift so I am home at night alone). Everything I do seems to set him off. It's like walking on eggshells. I recently downloaded the book mentioned above onto my phone and it does have a lot of useful information. I am also at a point where I am just trying to figure out what is best for me and my son as I don't want to live the rest of my life like this. I hope you can find what you are looking for and can figure out your situation.
  14. I'm not good at picking out any signs. I probably would just think it was his way of getting to see you. Being funny. I don't have the best judgement unfortunately. My current relationship is not my first one like this. Was in one before when I was in college but got out faster.
  15. I don't have much advice but I do totally understand how you feel. My husband gets angry if I tell him what to do but he tells me all the time. I don't know how they can love us so much one minute and turn on us another. I do t understand this at all.