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Wileykit

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About Wileykit

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  1. I have/had a very similar relationship. I probably wouldn't have believed verbal abuse always escalates to physical if I hadn't experienced it. Mine started off very subtly controlling (needing things to always go his way). Expecting healthy compromise and communication led to increasing anger over time or "adult temper tantrums" to shut me up. It is very much like dealing with a 5 year old. By this past year he has punched the fridge, broke my cell phone and smashed a piece of drywall over and over to pieces in front of my face. The same night he shoved me down and I hit some things that resulted in a bloody lip and he kicked me in the side while I was trying to get up. Mine was very apologetic also but only out of fear I would call the police. He has said he hated himself and apologud and it still escalated. He's also now said he believes he could do worse and that is terrifying. Just hoping sharing this gives you perspective. Your husband's anger is defintely a form of control using fear and aggression. It's very confusing because mine was also so much fun to be around when it was good. There has to be anger constantly boiling right under the surface for anyone to react so extremely. The unpredictability of that leaves you always walking on eggshells and afraid to speak up.
  2. I've noticed with my own situation that it actually gets worse and more frequent. More crazy? It used to be things I'd bring up from the past..weeks or months (I recall actually finding my movie ticket stub as my "evidence" we went together after he yelled at me saying we never did and I was nuts). Now it can literally be that he said something 5 minutes prior to denying he said it at all. My brain feels like scrambled eggs in those conversations...which I'm sure is their goal. Good for you for calling him on it!
  3. Thanks bluesky, Is Trent Shelton a Christian counselor also? Its so hard to simply find a counselor who understands this type of abuse, then with the Christian values as well. I'm not sure I can afford the place I found, since I'm also struggling financially after all this, but any extra online resources are appreciated Your entire post was very encouraging!
  4. I'll pray for you, hoping. I've felt very depressed the last while also. A few days recently were extremely hard. I decided to email a counselling centre days away from me because they offered Skype sessions. Last night the lady called back and was the kindest person to talk to. They are Christian based (which was important to me) and the main psychologist has 30 years dealing with emotional abuse and 12 specific to narcissistic. That is the one I've been dealing with. I'm being referred to a lady who deals specifically with narcisstic abuse victims. Not sure if it's helps but the counsellor has many you tube videos on emotional abuse, gas lighting and narcissism. I don't have a link but if you google David Hawkins and some descriptive abuse terms you're bound to find them. I found them encouraging.
  5. That's how I feel today Bennu. Even after what he did I felt sorry for him being so hurt inside. Somehow it was suddenly all about him again. Not at all surprising. Today I am angry I was nice enough to console him and even feel compassion for him.
  6. Thanks percolate. I've been having a hard time in my area specifically finding anyone capable of dealing with the narcissistic type of mental abuse. The counselor I have been seeing is baffled by his behaviour. Night before last however he did get physical. It's been threatened before and I've had his anger in my face. After agreeing I could get some things he showed up calm and I can't even remember what set him off. Before I got there I also had his "friend" (female) messaging me accusing me of saying things about her and telling me what a great girl he said I was. I was thinking "which version of my ex are you talking to?". At first things went ok but he got irritated. I thought he would break my phone so went to grab it and he smashed it thinking I was calling the cops. He called the counsellor office in a rage accusing me of not leaving. Shoved me onto the floor. A chunk of hair got ripped out at one point, kneed in the kidney and a had a bloody lip from biting it myself i assume. He was insane. He was on me at one point and I thought he seriously might kill me. Then he yelled "are you going to kill me" while he pretended to record it. It was messed right up. After I was screaming becsuse he was on me he was standing there staring at me and just started sobbing uncontrollably. About his father dying. About how disgusted his family would be. Just cried and cried and wouldnt stop anytime he started thinking of his dad. Something really messed up is happening. Or repressed feelings. Of course I screamed to let me get my things and go yet I had this stupid wave of compassion seeing this. I somehow have to try to work today and spent yesterday just sleeping and trying to feel normal. I am just done today. And I need a more experienced counselor. So does he. I will not be attempting going with him anymore after this.
  7. White butterfly, thank you for sharing that. I read it after a particularly horrible morning today where him and I talked (battled) on the phone all morning. Basically me being called obsessed, disgusting, pathetic and more and me defending myself again. He'd asked me to schedule today's counselling to later and that's all we were to discuss. He just went off. So again, I questioned my Ken sanity. I think he even called me the crazy one with mental disorders. The counsellor has said how impressed he is with my positive attitude after all this and thinks I'm great but even now I find myself thinking maybe everyone else is wrong and "he" is right. That I'm all these awful things. Its just hard to keep perspective when days like this happen. But he's yelled he doesn't want me anyway and I am unattractive and basically a whore faced so and so. Thanks for the hugs. Much needed today.
  8. I ordered the book "Why does he do that" online and it arrived today. I've barely started reading, but wow does this ever hit home and help me understand the cycle of abuse. Strongly recommend it. It was under $15 on Amazon. Also took the advice here and got "The nice girl syndrome". Thanks for the recommendations!
  9. My two cents on this behaviour after reading the similar stories in the responses (and from far too much experience having my words twisted to an insane degree) was summed up in the first statement. The child like little boy voice and attitude comment. I spoke with my ex last night and he got angry for me trying to have the conversation go in a positive direction rather than so negative. I feel anger is a form of control and manipulation or "bullying", same as the tactic of twisting words and sarcastic remarks in a child like voice. I've had that all happen to me. I spoke to a girlfriend today who is having similar issues with her husbands ex and we felt we nailed it saying the behaviour is like some emotionally underdeveloped stunted child who has to bully and pout or have tantrums to get their way. Control. I honestly have no idea what is behind this or what reward they get other than simply not "giving in" to you and being in "control". Children are selfish because they don't know any better, it's like these men have never evolved emotionally. My ex will actually take my positive suggestions and yell at me "No one is going to tell me what to do!", clearly assuming I am out to get him or control him. Always twisting my motives and intentions. I'm so glad I have met mature decent men to compare this insane childish behaviour to. Someone who has good will towards you simply wants to work together for a mutual goal, not turn every situation into a power struggle.
  10. I've done that in arguments with my ex. I get accused of so many irrational untrue things I get hurt and angry enough that I say something hurtful back. Of course I feel guilty immediately and have even apologized to him which is ridiculous considering how much worse I've been treated. Then I'm mad at myself for apologizing. But I know I've just been bullied, manipulated and abused to the point of reacting out of character and the fact that I have remorse and a conscience reminds me I'm not like them at all. Sometimes I've wished I could feel nothing like they seem to but hard as this is I'd rather go through it and still come out being someone who believes in building people up than a heartless emotional vampire who tears people apart.
  11. Thanks for the book suggestions! I'm heading to the city tomorrow and going to see if I can find some good reading material for myself
  12. That's a really good point kanga. My "ex" has actually yelled at me asking why he should stop since I'll just keep taking it anyway. So I think you are spot on. Maybe just as we can sense the narcissistic behaviour they can also sense kindness and the good traits in us. Which is likely why they chose us in the first place. Just speculation but seems to fit. I do not think abuse is accidental or uncontrollable.
  13. Haha I'll have an extra glass for you. there's always more wine to be had so another time we'll have one together!(virtually). I really hope this awful feeling place is temporary. Life shouldn't be so darn difficult. And neither should people.
  14. It sounds so logical to say that and this is maybe an assertiveness issues in myself but I have a very hard time coming across mean and hurting anyone's feelings. Which I need work on. I need to realise I can stand up for myself without being mean. It just gives me such anxiety to be put in a place where I have to say something unpleasant or where I may get a snippy remark back. I agree with the entitled rich kids. That's a very good word to describe it all, "entitled". Like everyone owes them something and they don't have to respect their seniors or people of authority. I think that is how my son is coming across lately and it causes me anxiety. He will actually refuse to answer me at times which is a huge disrespect in my opinion. The silent treatment. I see all the manipulation tactics even in young kids and am very sensitive to it now. My friend does daycare and she is very level headed and feels bad saying it but she is even noticing manipulation from a 6 year old girl towards the two boys.
  15. I think I am feeling very much like you today! And no, there's not much anyone could say to make everything ok. I am so sick of the "jerkholes" (nice one btw) and feel like hopping in my car with my dog and taking a road trip. The only thing that often holds me together by a very thin thread are a few close friends who are kind and like minded and trying to remind myself this is NOT how life is supposed to be. I am doing it right and I shouldn't have to fear that kindness will have me taken advantage of. Anyway, can't help much but I am going to have a glass of wine So cheers! And all the jerks can really just kiss my butt today...I'm just in that kind of "screw you all" mood.