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Ether Blue

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Everything posted by Ether Blue

  1. Hi everyone, I was passive-aggressively bullied and emotionally abused by a peer at a university. It's a long, long story, but I'm doing better now, and am out of the situation. I wanted to ask you friends at Our Place something: During your recovery, have you ever felt this restless feeling, like you need to prove yourself in some way? To--frankly--do something BA in order to show yourself and the abuser (even though they have no way of knowing you did something BA) that you are a tender-hearted but also capable, puts-up-with-no-more-garbage, intelligent, adult, individual person? If I were an animal, my friends tell me fondly I would be a lamb. I like this--I think the world needs more gentleness in it, and I want to "be the change I want to see in the world." But it frightens me, too, knowing there are wolves in sheep clothing out there like the person who abused me. What are your thoughts? I'd love to hear what you have to say! Peace to you, Ether <3
  2. Sorry I'm so long in replying, Percolate! That's pretty funny, mailing your ex your interview! Made me laugh I like your philosophy--"life's too short to put up with garbage." It's so true. Thanks so much for your thoughts!
  3. Every time you take a jab, a snub so subtle almost no one sees, you seal our once friendship, now Stockholm-syndrome-bond because it recalls the power high, Junkie-of-Souls. Because being angry is easier than being sad. But are you really very sad? You want someone's codependency-- to have access to all of them regardless if they decide to give it all. Because at some point when the time is right for you, you push for it all and are vehemently offended if they hold back or move away or decline. Shouldn't you check yourself to see if it is you who is out-of-line, gone too far? It is never you, always me. And you change the Rules but no matter what I must never understand the Rules because you react and so I conclude that nothing I do will ever be right. You feel denied of codependence and so I never have good or kind or loving motivations in your mind. I quit. There is a time for that word, and it is here. Your love, your friendship were always hungry beneath their surface, always calculating. I will miss who I thought you were but that was not really you. But now I know and it's quitting time.
  4. Thanks, Bennu
  5. Hi Hela, I hear you. I was emotionally abused by a "Dr Jekyll / Mr Hyde" peer at my university, and I remember being in shock for a time. The mistreatment was happening to me, unfolding right in front of me, but in the shock, I couldn't believe what I was seeing--that someone could treat another person that way--on purpose. It was like up was down, and down was the new up. For a while, I basically grieved for "Dr Jekyll," but later was (and still am) really angry with "Hyde." Sometimes it feels like there is this pressure to hurry up and forgive even while we still may be working on processing it all. I think it's really neat (and a great strength!) to have empathy and see that people are just human, but also to see that what happened to you is neither acceptable nor OK in any way. Could I share a quote? I don't mean to put it here as the magic-words-that-will-solve-everything-in-under-five-minutes, but just something I've found interesting to think about: "Love may forgive all infirmities and love still in spite of them; but Love cannot cease to will their removal." ~ C. S. Lewis I think maybe Love could be substituted with sympathy or empathy? Not sure if it really makes anything easier. I definitely don't want "Hyde" to run around and have a good life while treating me (and surely others) the way he did, not feeling remorse or seeing a need to turn his life around. But that being said, I'm still not sure how I'd feel if he was truly sorry, made the crazy long-haul effort to get better, and then had a good life! I'd like to hope and think that I would be glad for him at a distance. I wish I had a real answer. Those "magic words" would be great, too! All this to say, I just want you to know that I think I get what you're saying, you're not crazy, and you're not alone. Ether Blue <3