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Ether Blue

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About Ether Blue

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  1. I'm really sorry you're going through this, JamesF At the end of your original post, you said it's been worrying you that all women act this way. I just want to say--and I hope it might ease your mind even just a little bit--that in my relatively short life, I've known so many truly kind women. Even the best of us human people have our "moments," but this sounds like the cycle of abuse. I don't know if this really helps at all, but here's a quick list off the top of my head of famous godly women. Some are no longer living, but here goes: -- Corrie ten Boom (helped hide persecuted people during WWII in her family's Haarlem watch shop; her book The Hiding Place has helped me feel more hopeful in the past) -- Elizabeth Elliot (missionary) -- Ruth & Naomi (you've probably heard about them!) in the Old Testament book of Ruth -- Abigail, 1 Samuel 25 & a little bit of 2 Samuel (maybe her, too, haha) --Mother Theresa --Denise Levertov (poet) Here's a (hopefully) somewhat tangible list of the first names of compassionate, gracious, wonderful, "ordinary" women still living who I look up to & I have had the opportunity to know personally: Nancy, Jane, Emily, Janice, Peggy, Sheridan, Rachel, Lois, Abby, Eliza, Judy, Judith, Alyssa, Julie, Julia, Olivia, Marilyn, Mercedes, Annie, Carina, Elizabeth, Kirstyn, April, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Kayleigh, Hanna, Hannah, Jessica, Jean, Lynn, Michelle, Shelby, Pam, Brett, Kaitlyn, Kaitlyn (not a duplicate! ), Roberta, Ellen, Amy, Monica...the list could go on! Take care, and peace to you, Ether
  2. What you said makes total sense, 6245! In the year since my original post here in July 2016, I've found that the whole bad experience I went through has made me worry less about other people's opinions, too, in the sense that it's given me more of a spine. When I was going through the abuse, I had very little sense of what was up and what was down. It's really hard to explain, but a part of me couldn't believe what was happening was happening. It was like I learned the basics of what constitutes emotional abuse in grade school, but had difficulty "identifying it in the field," so to speak. Nowadays I definitely feel more confident in seeing garbage for what it is and calling it on it's garbage-ness. I think I know what you mean when you say your experience left you really questioning your faith--it's been that way for me as well. I'm glad you're taking care of yourself, putting yourself first! My experience is making me come to realize that I need to take care of myself in order to be there for others in a healthy way. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with me! Ether <3
  3. Sorry I'm so long in replying, Percolate! That's pretty funny, mailing your ex your interview! Made me laugh I like your philosophy--"life's too short to put up with garbage." It's so true. Thanks so much for your thoughts!
  4. Thanks, Bennu
  5. Every time you take a jab, a snub so subtle almost no one sees, you seal our once friendship, now Stockholm-syndrome-bond because it recalls the power high, Junkie-of-Souls. Because being angry is easier than being sad. But are you really very sad? You want someone's codependency-- to have access to all of them regardless if they decide to give it all. Because at some point when the time is right for you, you push for it all and are vehemently offended if they hold back or move away or decline. Shouldn't you check yourself to see if it is you who is out-of-line, gone too far? It is never you, always me. And you change the Rules but no matter what I must never understand the Rules because you react and so I conclude that nothing I do will ever be right. You feel denied of codependence and so I never have good or kind or loving motivations in your mind. I quit. There is a time for that word, and it is here. Your love, your friendship were always hungry beneath their surface, always calculating. I will miss who I thought you were but that was not really you. But now I know and it's quitting time.
  6. Hi Hela, I hear you. I was emotionally abused by a "Dr Jekyll / Mr Hyde" peer at my university, and I remember being in shock for a time. The mistreatment was happening to me, unfolding right in front of me, but in the shock, I couldn't believe what I was seeing--that someone could treat another person that way--on purpose. It was like up was down, and down was the new up. For a while, I basically grieved for "Dr Jekyll," but later was (and still am) really angry with "Hyde." Sometimes it feels like there is this pressure to hurry up and forgive even while we still may be working on processing it all. I think it's really neat (and a great strength!) to have empathy and see that people are just human, but also to see that what happened to you is neither acceptable nor OK in any way. Could I share a quote? I don't mean to put it here as the magic-words-that-will-solve-everything-in-under-five-minutes, but just something I've found interesting to think about: "Love may forgive all infirmities and love still in spite of them; but Love cannot cease to will their removal." ~ C. S. Lewis I think maybe Love could be substituted with sympathy or empathy? Not sure if it really makes anything easier. I definitely don't want "Hyde" to run around and have a good life while treating me (and surely others) the way he did, not feeling remorse or seeing a need to turn his life around. But that being said, I'm still not sure how I'd feel if he was truly sorry, made the crazy long-haul effort to get better, and then had a good life! I'd like to hope and think that I would be glad for him at a distance. I wish I had a real answer. Those "magic words" would be great, too! All this to say, I just want you to know that I think I get what you're saying, you're not crazy, and you're not alone. Ether Blue <3
  7. Hi everyone, I was passive-aggressively bullied and emotionally abused by a peer at a university. It's a long, long story, but I'm doing better now, and am out of the situation. I wanted to ask you friends at Our Place something: During your recovery, have you ever felt this restless feeling, like you need to prove yourself in some way? To--frankly--do something BA in order to show yourself and the abuser (even though they have no way of knowing you did something BA) that you are a tender-hearted but also capable, puts-up-with-no-more-garbage, intelligent, adult, individual person? If I were an animal, my friends tell me fondly I would be a lamb. I like this--I think the world needs more gentleness in it, and I want to "be the change I want to see in the world." But it frightens me, too, knowing there are wolves in sheep clothing out there like the person who abused me. What are your thoughts? I'd love to hear what you have to say! Peace to you, Ether <3