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Starshine

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    177
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About Starshine

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday January 13

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Interests
    Photography,reading,singing,writing

Contact Methods

  • Yahoo
    senasingingwolf@yahoo.com

Recent Profile Visitors

155 profile views
  1. It's been awhile since I have posted anything about what's been going on with me. I have been continuing toward my degree and I feel proud of myself for not letting things stop me. I have been on the Dean's list for the last two semesters and I got a grant that has paid for my classes for the summer semester. If everything goes the way I want them to I should graduate in the spring of 2018 with my associate degree in Human Services. Everything was going good since his physical attack last October. He hadn't gotten drunk since that incident. I feel like a fool for even giving him the benefit of the doubt that he would stay sober. I came home Friday and he was drinking his vodka again and he was drunk when he came in the house that evening. Saturday he didn't drink because he didn't even go outside all day. Sunday he didn't go outside all day but Sunday night he did. He came back in the house and I could tell he had been drinking again. He was nasty and abusive verbally. I told him to slow his roll and that I wasn't going to take his crap. He finally went back to bed and I hope he stays in it all night.I gave him a chance to be a decent human being but I guess the bottle means more than his family. My sister gave the number for a lawyer and I am going to call her this week. I told him I wasn't going to live like this any more back in October and I thought he finally got it. But he was just bidding his time waiting until he thought the coast was clear to start on the bottle again. I am ashamed to even talk about this here. I feel like a fool and an idiot. I feel weak and afraid of everything. I'm sorry for bothering y'all.
  2. Yes it is abuse. I was like you many years ago. I didn't understand that yelling at me calling me filthy names and throwing things at me was abuse. I have lived with this for over thirty years because of fear. When I was younger he wouldn't let me work so I was dependent on him with a small child that he threatened to take if I left so I stayed and it got worse. It will get worse I know first hand. Go to that job interview it is your way out , take it. Stay safe littlebear.
  3. Hi y'all I went on my class conference to Charleston S.C. and I have returned home. I had a blast and the ocean was amazing and calming. My old man didn't give me any grief about going which was surprising and until I left the house to go on this trip I kept worrying what he would do to try and stop me. He didn't do anything except say be careful. SHOCKING! When I got home in the wee hours of Saturday morning he was a tad testy and grouchy. I told him to shut up I was tired and I didn't want to hear it. HE went in the other room and I went to bed. I am so glad I went it was a great experience that I will never forget.
  4. Quaddie, I know he won't follow me because he he has to work and he can't take the time off. Also He is a big chicken and he won't go anywhere that is isn't around here by himself. lizziebethhak, he could get drunk and call but if he does and he starts s**t on the phone I will hang up and not answer any more of his calls. I don't think he will get drunk though because our son will still be home and he won't want to be a wuss in front of him. When I get home will be the the telling point because that was when the s**t went down in October when I was home from Georgia. I don't know but ever since the fight in October when he had to go stay the night with his sister he hasn't been drunk. Maybe he is still feeling the shame of what happened. What ever the reason I'll take it and hope it continues. I am so excited about the trip I want to see the ocean again and I am going to enjoy myself because after everything I have been through I think I do deserve a break.Thanks for your kind words guys you don't know how much it means to me.
  5. I told my old man about the trip to the Human Services Conference in Charleston SC. I prepared my self for the barrage of insults and threats. I waited and waited. To my shock and amazement nothing happened. He asked questions and calmly waited for a reply. The only snarky thing he said was how many boys are you rooming with. I told him I was rooming with three other girls there were no men in my class. I mean there is a boy in my class who is younger then my son, so eewwww, but I didn't mention him, no use giving him anything to stew over. I am so beyond relieved right now. There is still a little over two weeks to go but so far so good. he hasn't been drunk since last October when the incident happened so maybe he is still feeling some shame. He has been drinking a little bit but nothing like before and no drunken rages at all. I am hoping that this time he has finally seen what he has been doing, but I am not getting my hopes up again. Time will tell and we will see how long this lasts. So for now I am just going to enjoy the peace.
  6. Melinoe,I think you did the right thing you deserve so much better. You go girl! there are plenty of beaches you will see the ocean again I know it and you will enjoy it so much better when You are happy and at peace. Give yourself time it will be fantastic I promise. You don't need to talk to people you are not there for you but for him steer clear of these life sappers.
  7. Betty I am sorry that you have gone through this but I am glad to meet you. I am so sorry that these counselors that so many of the people here have gone to were not worth a hill of beans. I am going to school to get my degree and domestic violence counselor is the field I have chosen. I have been through this and I know what they have been going through. If a counselor has never been abused either verbally or physically then they have no clue what you are talking about. I think I will make a very good counselor because I have been there. I hope someday I can be of help to someone like me.
  8. Mine sure does. Every time he does anything for me I have to PAY for it. I don't ask him to do anything for me and when he says he can fix something or do this or that for me I tell him I don't need it. This Valentine's Day I didn't even mention it, but he did. He said did anyone buy you anything for Valentine's Day? I said no were they supposed to and turned to the tv show I was watching. I will never be put in that position again of having to pay for his kindness. I have been forced to pay for the things he has done for me in the past I owed it to him whether I wanted it or not. I can do things for myself I don't need him to fix s**t. I don't know if I could be with anyone after the stuff I have been through. The thought makes me kind of sick to tell the truth. I am proud of you for sticking to your guns hoping you are not his play thing and you don't owe him s**t.
  9. Hi guys I haven't been on in a while for two reasons I guess, one I am ashamed that I haven't been able to get out and I feel like a failure and two I have been busy with school and medical issues. But it is going to get real around here starting tomorrow. My class has a conference in Charleston S.C. the beginning of April and I have to tell him about it tomorrow. I have known about the trip since January but I just couldn't deal with 3 months of him throwing a fit. I know he is going to go ballistic but I need to do this for my career and my sanity. The only time I was able to go anywhere on a trip without him was last year when I went to Georgia with my family to see my dying cousin, who by the way is still alive thank God, but he went crazy after that one. I need this for me I need a break from him and time to think. Am I being selfish to want some time away from his bull s**t? It is a class trip to a human service's conference it's not like I am getting on a pole. But he will accuse me of all sorts of things. I feel like such a cry baby sometimes complaining about stuff but I need to vent sometimes. So I know I am going to have to deal with his crap for the foreseeable future but I am going to go to the conference anyway. I need to get to know these people who could possibly help me get a job in this field when I get my degree.
  10. I knew that it would only be a matter of time before my old man started drinking again and I was right. After the incident in October he didn't drink or at least he didn't drink enough to tell for 2 months. Then last month it started creeping back slowly. We started noticing old patterns toward the end of January. Last Tuesday we knew for sure because he got nasty again like when he is drunk. He went at me for 4 hours and when I said I was going to go to town to get away from him the threats started. He said he would lock me out and I wouldn't get back in and he would call the cops or his sister. I put the phone in front of him and said go ahead. Tonight he is so drunk he is slurring words and staggering around and finally fell into bed. I have found a few houses to go look at so my son and I can move. I am going to Charleston SC in April for a conference with my class I haven't told him yet because I don't want to deal with his fits for 2 months. I am done dealing with this.
  11. I haven't been on in awhile so I hope giving you an update is okay. I finished this semester of college and have registered for classes next semester. I passed with 3A's and a C and I made the Dean's list. i am so proud of myself right now because I didn't back down and quit. My h hasn't been drunk since he grabbed my throat in October. He has been getting nasty verbally lately. We looked and found his new hiding place and we found his new drink of choice from the liquor store, moonshine. He hasn't been drinking much but I know it's only a matter of time and I am prepared. I have found several properties that I am going to go look at and they look promising and not to awfully expensive. Since I can't find a place to rent I have to buy. I am going to see about a job and if it pans out I will be working and going to school. Totally tiring and worth it. This coming year I can see the light at the end of a very dark and bleak tunnel for the first time in over 36 years. I will not walk away empty handed I have been through to much for that. Since I am the one being forced to make a new start and he will remain in the home we shared all these years I know I can get the financial help from the divorce I ask for. I won't stay in the home because it is in the woods and it would be easy for him to do something terrible to me and our son. he can keep it. I am getting my life together and I am getting the confidence to step out on my own for the first time in my life and I feel amazing. So to everyone I hope you have an amazing New Year. I know I am looking forward to an amazing 2017.
  12. I know it won't last it never does but at least it will for a while. He won't drink for a while because he want's to continue to play the victim but I am calling him on it and not letting him get away with what he did. I am going to finish this semester at school which ends in December. After that I can transfer if I have to. I know I am stupid and pathetic for dealing with this sh** but I am afraid if I try to leave right now h will try and say it was all my son's fault. My son is 30 and he was protecting me but I don't want him to tell the cops his side of things and my son pay for it.. He doesn't act like that when he isn't drunk so as long as he doesn't drink things will be calmer. He won't drink as long as he can look in the mirror and see his bruises. I have contacted a realtor who is helping me look for a place. Where I live jobs are not available I have apps in every where and places to go are not so easy to find. I live in the middle of nowhere. Bears and deer are my neighbors. I did tell my son that if he does drink again we will not stay like in the past. We will go to a hotel and stay for a few days and not tell him where we are or even answer his calls. If he destroys the place well that's less things for me to pack.
  13. This past week has been bad. My cousin is dying my uncle died and the cherry on top was my h got really drunk Saturday. But wait it gets worse not only did he get roaring drunk ,which he still swears he wasn't, he got violent. He was threatening me broke the tv remote again and got in my son's face. He pushed my son and my son defended himself. He begged his dad to stay in the chair and not touch him again I begged him to go sleep it off. He did neither, I called his sister hoping she could calm him down he was so out of control. She told me to give him the phone. He hit my arm knocking the phone out of my hand and grabbed me by the throat. My son was standing there and when he saw his dad grab my throat he hit him to get him off me. Now he has a black eye that looks like a bloody eye ball but he says he didn't do anything. We did it he wasn't doing anything he wasn't drinking. I asked him was this what it took for him to straighten up. He still says he didn't do nothing. Now he is being nasty and hateful toward me threatened to slap me. He said it won't happen again I said your right the next time you get drunk your here alone. We have called several places, looked at a few but nothing yet. The only good is he isn't drinking but I know that won't last.
  14. He is an aho** and it is stalking. Be careful and cautious Keep a journal write it all down. Stay no contact.
  15. I am so happy for you!