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lizzibethak

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About lizzibethak

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 10/25/1950

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Alaska
  • Interests
    Cooking/ Bible study/ Classical music/ Walking/ Paper crafts/ Needlework/ Reading/ Sewing

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  1. Sad

    Hoping.............so sorry that those you hoped would be an encouragement and "touchstone" as you move forward have not. People can disappoint for sure.......so concentrate on your new counselor and getting your focus on the next steps..............you can do this!
  2. Wow.........that was a big step........you did good!!
  3. Wow...................way to GO!!! Stay strong and give yourself an "atta girl"............. This is only round one.........he will continue to try to push and pull so keep your boundaries strong and intact. You can do this......you are stronger than you think!
  4. Confused.............if you suspect BPD, then you need to remember that they cannot face abandonment.........they will hoover, love-bomb, blame or seek a new relationship. Since they have no insight or discernment, they cannot imagine they have a disorder, they are just empty and angry.......and you are not qualified to help him. In fact, most don't choose to seek professional help because it means years of therapy to manage their life, you can't fix this will a pill. That was my marriage for 31 years...............threats, rages, devaluing, coercion.......I finally got the courage to ask for a divorce and then it was sheer hell for the next 4+ months, even while he was wooing a new lady online. But I got through it!!!! Yes...........I took anti-anxiety meds for several months and will probably remain on anti-depressants for the rest of my life, but it's ok.........I have peace. You can do this...........
  5. Yes He does.............I remember praying for years to help me fall back in love with my XH............and he was always accusing me of not praying hard enough because he just knew I wasn't giving my "all" to God. In a moment of perfect clarity, the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart and said "You can't fall in love with him because he is not safe". From then on I began planning my way out and here I am 16 months post-divorce and doing wonderful
  6. I'm now 18 months post divorce and still have no desire to "look" around...........the first few months I was still having panic attacks and flashbacks if men (even those I trusted at church and work) would get too close or try to touch me..........but that has finally gone away as these men have been respectful and caring. Whether I ever find someone (I'll be 67 in October) is not an issue..............I have peace and family and friends.......that is enough for me.
  7. Gone.............I think Quaddie nailed it with that feeling of a "secret mission" because you have to maintain one life on the exterior while your brain is functioning on "secret" mode........and it can feel strange. You will continue to feel this way until you are secure in your new environment and legal actions have begun. Please keep in touch..........you are in our thoughts and prayers for safety and a clean get-away!
  8. Chelsi.............yes, please reach out to local DV centers in your area, your local church......anyone you can think of. You are wise to try to get out and to make a better life for yourself and daughter.
  9. Tendrils.........as with your sisters here on the board, I am so sorry for your pain at this time. It it natural for us to look back and try to find perspective............as survivors we know that the behavior and disease was their issue and not ours and we could never have "fixed" their brokenness. Hugs and prayers and keep us posted................
  10. Oh girl you are doing so well!! You have a plan, you have therapists, you have resources, you have family support.............so glad you are safe and "out"!
  11. Brief historical recap: After 31 years, I finally got the courage to divorce my abuser/narc in January 2016. Prior to that he had several "rages" over my decision to "dump him" and refused to be alone in life and promptly scored one of his current Facebook cadre as his next target. They were madly in love and he packed and stored his life and flew to Massachusetts to start the new relationship about a week before our court date. Current update: He came back to Alaska in May and has been keeping a very low profile, not even contacting his adult son who lives with me March-Sept as a seasonal firefighter. Finally about 3 weeks ago he left a message for his son to contact him.........he needed to talk to him "face-to'face" and have a sit down talk. His son ignored him. Last Friday I had texted my XH to ask him to see if he would go to the property tax office and file for senior exemption as he had been gone too long and since we are both on the title, I filed but could only get 50% exemption.............my 50% exemption was still more than I anticipated. He agreed. About 2 hours later my phone range.......I saw it was him and ignored, thinking it would go to voicemail. Um...........no................30 seconds later my doorbell rings.............guess who??? Since his son and wife were home with me, I gave them the "oh crap guys..........here he is.........we can do this!" aside and went to the door. I invited him in, briefly chatted and then I told him the kids were there and did he want to visit with them. He stepped on in and then went ahead and sat in the living room talking while I did other chores in the kitchen/dining. After about an hour, he came and approached me and said "I need to talk to you alone please" so he followed my into my craft room and closed the door. No big.........I was doing/feeling fine. The Finale: 1. The woman in Massachusetts deceived him.......she was NOTHING like who she showed herself to be online or on Skype. He knew after 3 months that he had made a BIG mistake because they agreed on virtually nothing 2. They broke up 3 times, but the last time he came back here to Alaska and he's done 3. He's living with his brother in HUD housing so has to be out by next Monday.......but has no place to live and it's too expensive to live up here anymore and it's changed so much it's just not the same anymore..........and............ 4. He ran up credit card debt so he needs to find someplace to live where he doesn't have to pay rent plus other expenses because he can't pay them all and pay the credit card too 5. So..............he asked to live with his son and DIL in Oregon for 'jokingly" 2-3 years 6. Just before leaving he turned and told me "I really think you were a good wife............but I still don't know what I did wrong". I didn't respond. 7. His son and DIL met with him yesterday and told him that living with them is not an option because they have other family staying with them beginning later this week. They also outlined what he needed to be doing and looking at for resources to be able to live on his own or other family members in Washington/Idaho. And..........he needed to look at ways of liquidating some of his possessions in order to simplify his life and pay down debt. And.............BTW, before you jump into relationships and start running all over the U.S., do some thinking and praying about what to do..........because he still thinks he wants to make a go of it with this gal he just broke up with. He listened and thanked them and didn't get pissy or upset..........he appeared that he was actually listening and thinking about what they told him. The aftermath: 1. I am free!! I didn't have a panic attack or flashback when I saw/sat/talked with him!!! I felt very sorry for him and the mess he made and processed some of that and decided that while he was calm, he was still self-centered and attention seeking........no change. 2. I didn't feel anything..............no desire, no disgust, no attraction...............zip, nada.............
  12. The book assumes you will have interaction with the abuser due to the hoover or spheres of contact............this is how to prepare yourself for what may be "inevitable" contact at some point. Fluffy.............I know it takes time to be able to get them out of your head............keep working!
  13. James.............you may also want to visit the site "crying out for justice"............Christian based and very informative. It is more geared to the abused wife, but again, the same principals and scriptures would apply. I can't speak for all, but I believe that most of us here who have "gotten out" of these abusive relationships would concur that we should have gotten out much sooner, that the relationship never changes, and that we are mentally and spiritually healthier and have found peace.
  14. Strange isn't it..............negative actually feeds them better than positive because they can turn it back on you and triangulate to show you're the crazy one not them.............
  15. Amy....................this is not how love treats people..............you are in an abusive relationship and you need to stop and think about the future. This is what your life will look like as long as you are in the relationship...............he will NOT change.