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lizzibethak

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About lizzibethak

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 10/25/1950

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Alaska
  • Interests
    Cooking/ Bible study/ Classical music/ Walking/ Paper crafts/ Needlework/ Reading/ Sewing

Recent Profile Visitors

172 profile views
  1. Wear dark glasses so he can't see your expressions.............and keep your face open but not engaged............. Found a new website written by a Narc...........Knowing the Narcissist...........I also bought his book "Revenge"..........interesting
  2. As long as you abide in the same space, you are emotional fodder for him............any interaction with him is "fuel" to keep talking, taunting, blame shifting, minimizing, "picking", etc. And "fun" jokes are never really funny............they are meant to put you in your place as his subject. Stay strong and work your way closer to getting out.............
  3. Fluffy................whether it's virtual or real, they MUST have supply. Whether they have Facebook "groupies" who fawn over their posts and tell them how funny they are............or Messenger "buddies" who they chat up at all hours............there is ALWAYS someone in their queue who is "feeding" them praise and adulation. And yes................I can't seem to quit checking on my XH either............he does not contact me at all but I do want to know where he is because I believe he's moved back into the state and I would like him to come get the rest of his stuff out of the house.
  4. If you are not already doing so, you need some professional counseling to help with your overeating (me too.............constant battle) and your relationship with your oldest. I see that child as taking on some of the behaviors of an abuser along with being a selfish/dramatic teen. You need to gain some support/strength and perspective. And no................do not move back in together. You have removed yourself from the situation with your abuser and don't ever think that without their own counseling they will ever be safe to be around.
  5. Each of us here has a story...........and we will gladly share our counsel and support to you without judgement. Lost...........this behavior is abuse. Kicking objects and slamming doors can be considered physical abuse since he is choosing to hit objects rather than people. Yelling and screaming and blaming and "lock out" is abuse. The continued use of pot would show that he is "checked out" of his role as a provider and father...........and the demands for support from your family??..........wow, totally deferring his responsibilities to others.......... You do not have the power to change him...........you can only take care of you, your son, the puppies and your unborn child. It sounds like he is escalating and the next step would be breaking/damaging/destroying something in the home...............or doing you physical harm. If you haven't already done so, I suggest you search your area for a domestic violence shelter/center and visit them sooner rather than later. There is a wealth of support and resources for you in you will avail yourself. The short answer............you need to get out
  6. You can do it.............don't beat yourself up for falling back into the abuse trap. Make a plan...........and get out! You know it will never get better. Stay safe and keep us posted........
  7. Clurichaun.............friends will let you repeat your story over and over again, gaining strength to make the next step possible. I talked to my cats, too............they heard all about how unhappy and scared I was and I cried into their fur and cuddled them. I would go for walks and cry and plan and pray about the next step and the strength I needed to do it. My "sanity" was my full-time job, lots of support from co-workers who had heard my story for the last 15+ years and were willing to support any decision I made to be happy and sane. My church family was a big help because they, too, had seen and heard his ugliness............they prayed for me when there was nothing else they could do. Anger finally got me to break the cycle. When he started hoarding parakeets and letting them fly around the living room and so many of them that the noise was deafening, I said out loud............"I am NOT going to live like this!" He ignored me. A year later we were packing up the birds and taking them to the animal shelter........him cursing at me the whole time. He left a month later to meet his new "love" for the first time and 2 weeks later our divorce was final. I have lived on my own for over a year now..........I have more money saved than when I was married............I don't deny myself treats and pleasures...........I give generously to my church and others...........I have mended relationships with my family and apologized to my children for buying into his constant criticism of them..........I am at peace and it's truly a wonderful life. Clurichaun.................time is passing, so don't miss out on what can be some of the best years of your life. Keep planning and gaining strength anywhere you can...........and make the leap!
  8. Curiouser................check out the website "Crying out for justice", also. Abusers (and I agree that your H is being abusive) will use church and church members to "urge" you to go back to him and that he's changed. There is no denying that you have a hard road right now, with everyone looking at him and wondering why his efforts aren't enough to "please" you. Don't fall for that!! You know what has been going on behind closed doors and you are now seeing how he us going to use people (even family) to coerce you into walking right back into the fire. Seek help for yourself............good counselors who understand abuse. Do NOT counsel together with him......no matter what you are urged to do by others (you'll understand why after visiting and reading the articles on the website I mentioned above). Find comfort in good friends who will stand by you and stand up for you to stay safe, sane and have time to heal. You can do this!
  9. MorningGlory...............OMG........great laugh for the day!!!!! It really is all about them and how not to ever let the image slip!!
  10. Hoping............just curious.............what do other family/friends say about his behavior in general and towards you specifically...........what do they see/hear??
  11. Ah.............so glad you were able to reconnect with your AA group............just keep moving ahead and don't look back. And...........glad he's out of the area and moving on!
  12. Blurry...............I hear the bittersweet thoughts in your post and your struggle to get back to "you" and that feeling of normal or peace or hope. But consider what the plea bargain means..........he admitted he did it..............he will never be able to go back and try to wiggle out of the crime he committed.............his career is over..........he will never again be in a position to be around vulnerable young girls. And you know how that happened?? YOU!! You were brave and hurt and broken but you held on and fought the good fight and stood up to this abuser!! As Blueskye has mentioned, you are still dealing with some significant issues to please be completely honest with your counselor. The first step to claim your life back is to face your issues and fight for the life you can make from this point on. You have so much to look forward to...........take the step to your future! Love and hugs.............you can do this!
  13. Disco............good for you that you're back to your safe space. No judgement here because we can all be tempted to revisit the past thinking we are taking the high road and giving people the benefit of the doubt. When I hear how my XH seems to be managing his anger and judgmental persona, I start to think that maybe I wasn't the "right woman" for him because he appears to be growing and changing.............but since it's all "him" doing the work to change, I just don't think it's sustainable......he would never see himself as needing counseling.
  14. My step-daughter has been great validation for me.............at 50 years old she reminds me that she grew up with his crazy behavior and she has seen it all her life. The persons in his life may change, but not the behavior..........
  15. You totally deserved this trip and I'm so happy it worked out for you!