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lizzibethak

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About lizzibethak

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 10/25/1950

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Alaska
  • Interests
    Cooking/ Bible study/ Classical music/ Walking/ Paper crafts/ Needlework/ Reading/ Sewing

Recent Profile Visitors

114 profile views
  1. That's coercion and blackmail................telling you that due to his financial help you aren't allowed to do anything that will "hurt" him............horse doo-doo............. And the crazy-making?? So very typical of an abuser..............you are not crazy and you need to sit down with yourself and think this through. This is who he is.........he is not going to change. If you feel crazy now, what will you feel like in 5 years.............15 years............or longer. Some of us lived through this for decades before we could finally get free. You don't need to wait that long.............
  2. Fluffy.............it takes awhile to process all that has happened to you. Revelation and anger and hurt will continue as you move from victim to survivor......it was a year in January and I'm just now getting over the anger and fear............but it can come back to haunt you without warning so know that you are strong enough to get through this!!
  3. Fluffy.............when he threatens to harm you in some way if you don't comply with his wishes..........holding you hostage (emotionally or financially) in order to manipulate you back into his craziness...........that's blackmail an coercion. What I meant was that in another time and place (think of TV plots), this could be considered a crime punishable by jail time.........
  4. Remember................just because they twist it around, you don't have to take ownership of it...........you are stronger than this and if you can't limit your contact then you can prepare yourself in advance to not engage your mind in the craziness. You are going to get through this!!
  5. Hi Lizzi,

    I was wondering if you could tell me where you see the coercion and blackmail?

    Thanx,

    FluffyFlea

  6. And he could interrupt you during your trip checking up on you continually.............or get drunk and call you in a rage because he can't find you.............but enjoy the peace and revel in the plans you are making for this conference........you totally deserve it!!
  7. Fluffy............that's coercion and blackmail.................some would consider those crimes subject to jail time!
  8. I, I, I.............me, me, me..............despite trying to say something nice and meaningful, and even wistful (in his eyes) it clearly ended up being all about him............ Fluffy........you are getting stronger every day and we are so glad you did make the "clean break"
  9. So he can recognize pathology in his partners but not himself?? Oh that is classic!! Gives him the perfect "out" for placing all the blame and all the problems on you instead of dealing with himself. He can "act" like a therapist all he wants............he doesn't have a degree and has no business diagnosing you.........if you are not already, please find a really good counselor who is familiar with covert emotional abuse. Please know it's not you............you don't have to own any of his projections!
  10. Feigned modesty.............."any talent I have is a god-given gift............nothing I've done"........and then he would tear down his fellow technicians and bosses as dumb when they wouldn't listen to his suggestions about how to make more money........or that their work wasn't up to par.....(lousy paint matches.......didn't fill the dent correctly.....door alignments were off.......yada yada) Never happy at his work after a few months.............because of the above attitude......... Overspending into debt.............I hated to get gifts because they were usually very nice and I knew he had gone into debt to buy it for me..............so if I didn't have the appropriate amount of gratitude, I was an ungrateful she-dog and how much I hurt him Getting into other female's personal space............due to his hearing loss, he would continually get into their space and never noticed when they backed away.........he just followed He had no friends.............only my female friends. They were his secret "supply" because he knew men wouldn't put up with his crap or believe it............ Asking me continually if I shared all the things he bought for me or did for me with my friends...........did I continually "talk him up" to my gal pals and they would be jealous of how lucky I was.............(they actually only put up with him because of me and maintained healthy boundaries with him..........smart friends I have!) There are more.............but you get the idea.........
  11. Emotionally intense.............grand plans for us. We were both married at the time..........what a fool I was..........took me 31 years to finally get out! Lousy sex LOL!!! If I shared any stories of past lovers (which of course they encourage you to do, they want to know EVERYTHING about your past), that suddenly became his new "goal" in bed.............. I was always a "project" to fix..............
  12. When these situations come up, it is best to hope for the best outcome, but expect the worst outcome.....the complaining and accusing and drama and arguing. Have a plan on how your respond (or not) to his complaints and accusations so you can stay strong and take this trip. It sounds totally exciting for you and your life plan and I congratulate you on continuing to plan for your future. Sanity is not to be overrated.................when you are living in craziness, time away can definitely give you perspective, resolve, peace and hope. You should NOT have to fight to have some private "me" time..........it's healthy. You totally deserve this trip..........you deserve so much more than where you are right now.
  13. This is a good example of cognitive dissonance..............saying "yes" to dogsitting (which means he knows how to commit), but ignoring/minimizing a request from you...........saying one thing and doing another..........actions don't fit with his words.........
  14. Keep us posted............we support you in spirit even though we aren't there for you in person!
  15. Abusers don't know how to offer solutions because they want YOU to do all the changing and then then can pick it apart that it isn't enough/true/helpful/appealing to them/yada yada yada..........it's exhausting!! And interrupting your sleep or keeping you up to argue is also abuse.........it's what captors would do to prisoners to wear down their strength/faith/hope. Sleep is still a big issue for me after being divorced for a year............I feel part is unresolved ptsd which I plan to see a counselor about later next month. But...........I read and also watch a lot of TV and sleep on the loveseat rather than my bed. One other thing..........try to walk or get some light exercise prior to bed, or take a nice shower or bath prior to bed/sleep.........certain aromatherapy diffusers with peaceful scents helped me too.............. Stay strong and carry on..............you are worth respect and love!