• Announcements

    • Curly

      Replying to PMs

      Please note that you can not reply to a personal message by replying to the notification email. Recently admins have received some email responses to personal messages. This is because some members have replied to the notification email. You can not reply to a personal message via the email. What replying to the notification email does is send a copy of the original message and the reply to the admin email address. It does not send your reply to the person who sent you the message. The email notification of the personal message does request "PLEASE DO NOT REPLY DIRECTLY TO THIS EMAIL!"
    • Curly

      New Members and validating your account.

      New members registering please do not hesitate to contact our admin if you do not see a validation email within a few minutes of registering. Yahoo and some other email addresses tend to block the validation email and without this part of the process your account remains in limbo. Our admins are more than happy to help you complete the validation process should this automated system fail. We can be contacted via admin.our.place@gmail.com Please note that you may experience a delay between registering your account and validating before you are able to post as we do also manually process all registrations to keep this forum free of spam. Your account should be activated within 24 hours of you completing the validation process. Thank you.

lizzibethak

Members
  • Content count

    299
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About lizzibethak

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 10/25/1950

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Alaska
  • Interests
    Cooking/ Bible study/ Classical music/ Walking/ Paper crafts/ Needlework/ Reading/ Sewing

Recent Profile Visitors

134 profile views
  1. Hoping............just curious.............what do other family/friends say about his behavior in general and towards you specifically...........what do they see/hear??
  2. Ah.............so glad you were able to reconnect with your AA group............just keep moving ahead and don't look back. And...........glad he's out of the area and moving on!
  3. Blurry...............I hear the bittersweet thoughts in your post and your struggle to get back to "you" and that feeling of normal or peace or hope. But consider what the plea bargain means..........he admitted he did it..............he will never be able to go back and try to wiggle out of the crime he committed.............his career is over..........he will never again be in a position to be around vulnerable young girls. And you know how that happened?? YOU!! You were brave and hurt and broken but you held on and fought the good fight and stood up to this abuser!! As Blueskye has mentioned, you are still dealing with some significant issues to please be completely honest with your counselor. The first step to claim your life back is to face your issues and fight for the life you can make from this point on. You have so much to look forward to...........take the step to your future! Love and hugs.............you can do this!
  4. Disco............good for you that you're back to your safe space. No judgement here because we can all be tempted to revisit the past thinking we are taking the high road and giving people the benefit of the doubt. When I hear how my XH seems to be managing his anger and judgmental persona, I start to think that maybe I wasn't the "right woman" for him because he appears to be growing and changing.............but since it's all "him" doing the work to change, I just don't think it's sustainable......he would never see himself as needing counseling.
  5. My step-daughter has been great validation for me.............at 50 years old she reminds me that she grew up with his crazy behavior and she has seen it all her life. The persons in his life may change, but not the behavior..........
  6. You totally deserved this trip and I'm so happy it worked out for you!
  7. One small step that changed your whole outlook and outcome!! And.........sanity and peace is never to be overrated! Way to go and good luck as you continue to find your new life!
  8. Yes it takes time...........wondering if his new "supply" really will be all you never could be..........having the "magic touch" for a perfect relationship. When I get those moments (even after 16+ months), I remember my step-daughter confronting me (in love) with the truth........."can a leopard change his spots? Hell No!........and neither can my dad change who is is. Remember I grew up with this sh** and I'm 50 years old and he hasn't changed!!!" This is a marathon, not a sprint..........it takes time and you're going to make it!!
  9. Whitebutterfly..........just remember that as hard as they "try" they can't change who they are. The abuse will come back at some point and you are smart to continue to watch his conduct/actions/words/etc. In the meantime, please do some internet research on the "covert narcissist"................. So proud of all you have done..........no judgement here just support and admiration!
  10. Fluffy.............it appears that your AA meetings are very important and you and you should be able do whatever makes you comfortable. Re-introducing yourself into groups post divorce/break-up/etc. is always a bit scary. I was a basket case on several occasions when well-meaning people came up to me and asked how XH was doing. So............a dear friend offered to tell members of this group about my recent change and that I was divorced and XH had moved to the east coast. It was so kind of her to do that..............and helped me through a difficult time until I was more comfortable telling my own story. So.............is there close friend who could help pave the way for certain groups you see/meet with by merely telling folks there have been changes and you are working through some difficult times? Just a thought. This is all a process of getting back out there and feeling safe and secure.
  11. If he can't act like an adult then don't treat him like one...............we have each experienced to some degree what you are going through. You come first.............your sanity and health comes first. No matter what he is posting, don't go there.................don't believe it............don't own it!! Stop the conversation...........save the info if you must.............ignore, stop interacting with him and start blocking him.
  12. That's coercion and blackmail................telling you that due to his financial help you aren't allowed to do anything that will "hurt" him............horse doo-doo............. And the crazy-making?? So very typical of an abuser..............you are not crazy and you need to sit down with yourself and think this through. This is who he is.........he is not going to change. If you feel crazy now, what will you feel like in 5 years.............15 years............or longer. Some of us lived through this for decades before we could finally get free. You don't need to wait that long.............
  13. Fluffy.............it takes awhile to process all that has happened to you. Revelation and anger and hurt will continue as you move from victim to survivor......it was a year in January and I'm just now getting over the anger and fear............but it can come back to haunt you without warning so know that you are strong enough to get through this!!
  14. Fluffy.............when he threatens to harm you in some way if you don't comply with his wishes..........holding you hostage (emotionally or financially) in order to manipulate you back into his craziness...........that's blackmail an coercion. What I meant was that in another time and place (think of TV plots), this could be considered a crime punishable by jail time.........
  15. Remember................just because they twist it around, you don't have to take ownership of it...........you are stronger than this and if you can't limit your contact then you can prepare yourself in advance to not engage your mind in the craziness. You are going to get through this!!