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lizzibethak

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About lizzibethak

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 10/25/1950

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Alaska
  • Interests
    Cooking/ Bible study/ Classical music/ Walking/ Paper crafts/ Needlework/ Reading/ Sewing

Recent Profile Visitors

97 profile views
  1. Melinoe.........you were presented with a perfect "gift" of how to get out of the relationship and you took it!! Blocking cell and social media is good and letting others know there is a change in your "status" is helpful and you will find your true friends and supporters throughout this process. You may be surprised to hear from people who already knew you were in an abusive relationship and are now ready to help you move on with your life. Go girl!! Stay strong and carry on!
  2. Hoping................and it was my fault when he couldn't "perform" too...............because he could feel that I didn't want him or love him..............HELLO?!?!?!?!?! And...........it's another means of controlling you. If you have sex that is proof that you are still "his" emotionally.
  3. Melinoe.............clear communications is not the problem as they will continue to twist what you say into something that bites you in the butt and proves you are weak and selfish and yada yada. And because the blame was always shifted back to me, I felt compelled (ugly word) to stay and stay and apologize and try to make things better and repent of my selfish and evil ways (yes.........I was called evil) and lie to his face to keep myself sane. So...........as others have suggested, keep reading and researching and listening to others' stories and you will see more and more that what you are living and writing about is abuse. Ask yourself............are your other relationships/friendships as difficult as this one?? True "family" and friends do not attempt to blame, minimize or control you...........
  4. Or...............he is trying to bond with the dog and have another "supply"..............but yeah it's a red flag
  5. Oh yes............we can relate! Whitebutterfly cleans when she's angry...........I loved to purge crap that he left behind or I never wanted in the first place...........I loved hauling all of it to the dump in the back of the truck and paying my $30 to get rid of it. I went through old photos and mentally made the decision on each that had my abuser in it as to whether or not I wanted to remember that memory ever again...........I threw away pounds and pounds of food he had hoarded and gone bad.......each time I said out loud "I don't need this any more and I don't want it in my house!" It was empowering and exhausting and sometime I cried and sometimes I cursed him and sometimes I did both. I prayed and studied my bible and cried and pleaded for God to not allow my abuser to have that kind of influence over another woman again.......to protect the woman and her family that he had replaced me with. I watched romance movies and told my cats that I loved them and it was OK to be alone and free and safe.............they didn't understand but it didn't matter. It's been 13 months now..........I still have some anger, but I am so glad to be alone and safe and sane and have peace in my home.
  6. Reenie.............please don't ever feel shame or embarrassment here. We have all walked in your shoes in some fashion and while some are still in their relationships, others are in various stages of recovery/no-contact/divorce/separation/etc. We don't judge and we won't judge. We're here to listen and validate and encourage you along the way. For all of us, I think I can speak and say that knowledge was power and the more we reached out to both people and websites/blogs/books to understand both ourselves and our abusers, we felt empowered and validated and hopeful and (most importantly) a measure of SANITY because we began to see it's not US!
  7. Yay for you................stay strong and carry on!!!
  8. Quaddie.............I love your perspective always! Why do we think we have to "warn" people about leaving them, blocking social media or cell phones, changing locks, no-contact, etc...............is it because we've been brought up to be "nice" or have we been programmed via abusive control that we are not allowed to make our own decisions??
  9. Oh I know those feelings, Fluffy.............I did the same thing when my XH blocked me from Facebook after I found all of his posts to/about his new online sweetie..........his whole family was watching/reading his posts about finding true love and when I finally told him I could actually see his stuff (I unfollowed him........didn't unfriend him.........he didn't know the difference, DUH!!).........then he blocked me. It's been a long year trying to get over the need to constantly monitor him and follow his movements/actions........it's been hard even though he's 7000 miles away because I know he wants to move back to this state. So.......you can do this............it takes time but you can do this!
  10. Carry on sister.............start claiming your sanity again and moving into safe mode. Your emotions are going to continue to cycle, but your can end the craziness one day at a time.
  11. Melinoe.............your post reads that you are an empathetic, caring person who wants to see the best in life and people and who wants to grow together with someone in a relationship that nurtures both of you. This is NOT that relationship. What you describe is clearly abuse and your counselor is being wise to advise you to "take a break" from the relationship in order to sort things out. Abusers will lie, coerce, attack, belittle, minimize, threaten, crazy-talk you into staying in the relationship by constantly making you submit, recant, apologize, question yourself........... You are not the issue.........you need to think about what you truly have gained in this relationship because if you are crazy now with all his emotional attacks, I can guarantee it is not going to change. Oh........and that remark about not thinking he could/should be faithful...........BIG red flag..........HUGE........
  12. Don't second guess yourself..............is there any reason for communcation? NO? Then block away!!
  13. Vanilli...........I'm so sorry you are having such a rough day and that the trauma is closing in on you again. So.............the relationship is over..........he is gone from your life, you are finally safe and you are trying to heal. You have no evidence with which to proceed with charges and he is out of the country. My $.02 would be that you need to concentrate totally on your healing, knowing that you may never find an answer to the injustice that was done to you and many more women like you. You may never hear a judge or jury say "guilty as charged!!" Many times the only "closure" is to have them out of our lives for good and close the door on that ugliness. However..........you are certainly NOT powerless! You now have control over who you allow in your life, in your mind, and in your most personal space. You know how the abuser works to win you over and how they keep who they really are a secret............you know how they control, manipulate, coerce, bribe, threaten, lie, isolate and terrorize. You are a survivor......you have the scars to prove it and you should feel like a conqueror..........you have taken control of your life back! if you are not already, I hope you are working with a good counselor to continue the work of healing..........you are stronger than you know! Blessings!
  14. Betty.........welcome! All of us here have suffered through some sort of abuse and you will find many who can relate to your situation. Recognizing what has happened and moving forward with a plan is HUGE and we celebrate your plan to be abuse-free! So..............bring it on! We're here to listen, support and encourage..............and validate!
  15. You have come a long way, hoping.............I'm glad that you told someone about your fears because now you can't go back and try to gloss over this..........you are moving ahead to honesty and emotional sanity. For the last 2-3 years of my marriage, I had a hard time listening to my spouse talk and talk about himself, his great plans, his wonderful comments and barbs and arguments on Facebook, his ability to piss people off by standing up for what he perceived as "right", his work day where he belittled everyone because they were not the manager/technician that he was...............I just tuned him out. And yes, I caught myself making a comment that interrupted his grandiose yakking and it would deflate him...........and I would pay. Because I didn't agree with him............I looked at it from the other person's perspective.........and that meant I never supported him and always took "sides" against him.........ugh......... And I understand about the weight/sex thing...........for years I abused food so he would find me unattractive and leave me alone because I just couldn't stand to be intimate with him. He was coercive and I now find that I shudder at trying to find someone..........I just can't emotionally handle the thought of intimacy. So............what you are saying is that you are living with someone you can't tolerate intimately, you don't trust emotionally and you are afraid of.......you have said a lot and I hope that one day you can find a way out of this life and enjoy the life you deserve. Hugs!