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    playing games on my computer, taking photos,

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  1. whitebutterfly Thank you for your validation. He didn't break it but knocked part of it off, but I didn't know that until I tried to put it back together. I don't think he knew if it was broken or not, or even if he thought about it. He said it was an accident but he should not have set the bad on the table in the first place. Another reason this concerns me is that in the past when I shared the bathroom counter with him I would find my brush in the floor. He would say it was either in his way or that he accidently dropped it. When I ask him to pick it up, he wouldn't because he said he was mad at it. He also tore down my curtain and rod I put up because he was impatient and it was in his way. This was in an extra bedroom that we were using for a computer that was bought for me and also had his items in it too.
  2. Yes, I have and are still on them. Sertraline and venlafaxine are the ones that are working for me. I also read somewhere that blood pressure medications have been known to help with panic attacks. I have high blood pressure so I am on medication for that also. I use to take a small amount of diazepam to help but haven't been on that in years.
  3. I had pulled out the end table for my granddaughter to put together her project. My husband was getting his things ready for work, which he usually does on the couch or in another room. I again didn't make my granddaughter pick up all her stuff. My husband brought his things into the living room to organize for his job that night. He sat a bag close to her project which knocked part of it on the floor. It made me mad and I decided to say something. I told him that you are lucky our granddaughter is not here, she would be really mad at you for knocking part of her project off. I told him that she really liked that project and it cost a lot for as small as it is. He said that he was stressed, in a hurry and trying to get things ready for work. He said thank you for nagging me and making me loose my concentration. I told him that he should not have set his bag down on the end table since her project was too close and it could have hit it, which it did. He said that I should have made her pick it up. I told him to stop changing the subject, it was about him sitting the bag too close. He didn't seem to get it. He blamed it on me and her. That end table is not exclusively his. I don't know why he did that, if he is like a young child that doesn't realize what could happen if you set something close to something else, is just not as cautious as me, was just in a big hurry, didn't care and maybe even was upset with me because I didn't make her pick it up. I'm really surprised he only knocked a small part of it off. After I complained he may decided to be more careful. After he was through I picked up the piece and put it back together and put it in my room. I later wrapped it up and took it home to her. She really liked this thing, she put it together 2 or 3 times, I know she would have been really upset. He told me jokingly that he would tell her that I had done it. I told him she wouldn't believe that because she knows me and trust me and that she knows that is something that he would do. I know that If she did think I did it, she would get mad at me or ask me if I did it and I would tell her the truth. I told him that she knows he is the one that is always teasing her and more likely to not tell her the truth in a joking way. He will tell her things like I did it and when she finds out it was him, he laughs about it like it was a joke.
  4. Well, my opinion is that if you didn't feel a spark after months, it wasn't going to happen. I think you did the right thing to tell him how you felt. He wanted something else than what you wanted, and that is okay. I would suggest that you keep dating even though I understand it must hurt to loose him. If you didn't feel that spark, then he really wasn't all you wanted. Don't give up, just keep looking. Hugs
  5. Sad

    AZ-home I'm sorry to hear you went through that with a close family member. Thank you for your support and comfort.
  6. Ngelic.Perfection I love your poem.
  7. Sad

    Bennu I hope that is what they are doing. Thank you for that insight and I am glad that they started supporting you.
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    AZ-home Yes, my friend doesn't understand the situation as I do or has she studied or lived it as much as me. I think the same for my sister. It hurt but I am getting over it and still will do what I have decided. It does help to have encouragement. Thank you for that. I also love your cousins motto.
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    Quaddie Thank you for saying that. There are times I want to feel happy about what I'm doing so I do think it is better to not tell them. I agree with you about counseling, if she encourages me then that is good, if not I need to find another counselor. Thank you for confirming what I knew but might hesitate to do. I think because of my past mental problems my sister is concerned, but I am doing better, and I am now realizing she is probably afraid of encouraging me. I hate it but this is something I will need to do without my sister's or my friends complete encouragement. They do agree he is abusive but worry about advising me either way, especially to leave.
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    lizzibethak Thank you so much for your encouragement. It really helps.
  11. Sad

    whitebutterfly11 I didn't think about how his abuse could have affected my trust in myself. Yes, I am glad I have the people on this site and the other information I have watched and read about abuse. I don't believe I would be to the point I am now without all of it. It's so easy sometimes to think this is how men are, some people are and to think if some people think abuse is okay then maybe I'm wrong. Although I say that, there is a part of me that says, no, they are wrong, this is not right, it is hurting me and I don't want to be with someone that hurts me so much. As you said, I do know better than anyone what I went through. You said, " Believe in what you feel you need to do." Thank you so much
  12. whitebutterfly11, Lizzi ,Qaddie, AZ home, Gone, and Bennu thank you all so much!!!
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    I tool a step today to prepare for leaving my husband. I called to tell my sister and I was hoping this time she would be happy with me, but she wasn't. She was still concerned about my finances after I leave. I also text my friend to tell her and she didn't seem supportive either. She said that maybe he will change when he realizes I'm serious about leaving. I told her I doubt it and she said that she believes anyone can change if they want to. I was wishing they would encourage me and be happy with me. I'm thinking about not telling them anymore unless they ask and then maybe very little. I know they are concerned but I want them to be supportive of what I want to do. I'll talk to them about other things. I know that sometimes people don't understand, I have been the one that didn't understand before when a friend was separated from her husband. I am trying not to be to hurt, but I am right now. I'm hoping that my new counselor will encourage me if it's the best thing for me to do.
  14. Confused714 and Melinoe thank you for your congratulations.
  15. It took me awhile but I took a step today. I saw a counselor who evaluated me and made me an appointment with a counselor she thought would be a good fit. I told her I wanted support for my depression, emotional, verbal abuse from my husband and to be evaluated in hopes of taking my husband off my account as representative to my disability check. Yeah!!! I feel more hope and happy I took that step.