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About clurichaun

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
    Not where I belong
  • Interests
    Creation and destruction

Recent Profile Visitors

194 profile views
  1. I hear you. It's hard when it seems like things are better to break away. Just be honest with yourself about whether or not you think this change is permanent or if it's just to keep you there and it's a matter of time before it gets bad again.
  2. Criticism leads to fights. fights are scary.
  3. Oh Chacha, I know this is an old post but wow I don't know if we've dated the same person or what Mine has said this almost VERBATIM! It's just wrong wrong wrong. If I was 5 minutes late walking out of work it was assumed I was cheating too!! I hope you're away by now. I hope I can get away soon. Hugs!
  4. It's not about who has it worse, that sounds pretty awful. And starting over is scary but can be wonderful. You can do it! It sounds like the manner of the verbal attacks are subtle enough to make you doubt your feelings and question whether it's really that bad. And that doubting yourself is something that can linger long term. Obligations...ugh I totally understand. You need to find someone who brings you joy and that someone can be you!
  5. This is a red flag. You are much better off to stay away from him. I know you are truly in love but not with the real person. The real person he is isn't supportive and won't ever be able to offer you the relationship you envisioned. I'm so sorry. There truly is someone better out there.
  6. I'm so sorry you still have to live like that. I hope things can get better for you!
  7. I know I can get there too. I feel like a puddle just laying there getting stepped in. I have support but I avoid reaching out because I still feel like he's checking up on me including seeing when I'm on facebook. It's so stupid. It's uncomfortable and he thinks I should be so thrilled with all his niceness I should take him back. I've been nice too but I've maintained my position. I haven't been leading him on and I'm tired of doing things his way. I know he's scared but he hangs on to my guilt and fear. I need to stop feeling guilty and afraid. It's so hard!
  8. If the best chocolate cake you ever had in your life had razor blades in 25% of the cake would you still eat it? That's what abuse feels like to me. They make things seem so so wonderful and then cut you up inside. It sounds like walking away would be really hard. I hope you can though. It's not your fault and I have saved emails too so I could have proof of the madness. Yes it's possible to make someone you care about angry. It's up to THEM how they respond. Screaming and yelling is on him. I could understand screaming and yelling if I did something that would kill someone or cause the apocalypse or destroy a life. Something really really bad you know? I was once yelled at for taking a different route home because of traffic. It's rage, anger, these things are problems within him that he needs to address. And those behaviors are poisonous to the people that they're directed at. At the beginning it's scary. Down the line any hint of anger debilitates me. I'm scared of making ANYone angry now. Try to get away from this if you can. At least try to remember that you are not to blame for how he chooses to express his emotions.
  9. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes. No one is perfect. But the fact that you feel bad that you might have made anyone feel the way he makes you feel means you are NOT an abuser. His instinct when being called out for abuse was to turn it around on you. Not reflect on his own actions the way you did. My guess is that he will find a way to make you feel bad to take your scrutiny off of him. My counselor is pointing out these same kind of behaviors to me and showing me how I'm taking responsibility for my actions AND his actions. I know it's hard sometimes when you've been so manipulated for so long to hang on to the truth. I'm so happy this place is always here to come back to to help me when I'm having trouble seeing through the fog.
  10. I'm so sorry you had a similar experience. It's terrible to feel violated by someone you thought you could trust. And to be villainized just for pointing out that you said no and they didn't stop.
  11. And your H saying you switched roles is very common. It's crazy-making and they make us doubt ourselves. You are not the abusive one and him using that tactic is proof that he still is. You're gonna be ok. Remember you are strong and wonderful and deserve to be treated well. *hugs*
  12. I'm getting better about being less accommodating but it's hard. It's so ingrained in me. I feel guilty like I'm leaving him in a lurch I know it's not my responsibility and sometimes I get so mad but then I get scared and I shut up and I act nice. Or I'm to tired or sad to deal with the anxiety his moods cause so I just work on projects and keep my head down and maintain pleasant conversations. At least I'll have a few days away with family but I know he'll call and text the whole time and find ways to accuse me of hooking up like he did over Christmas.
  13. Living with pee happy animals can suck but so happy you're happier and free! I'm sure you'll get things together
  14. Its really hard for people to understand abuse when they haven't experienced or seen it. And it's especially hard in a culture that seems to prefer denial. You are very strong and I'm happy for you that you have decided to protect yourself and children from future abuse by this troubled woman. She seems to have serious psychological issues that will never be addressed but it's not your fault and it's not your responsibility to suffer if you don't have to.
  15. Thanks blueskye! I know I can do it. It was hard to tell him it was over, I keep feeling stronger every time I stick to my guns when he asks me about working things out. I wish I could afford to up and move and I keep failing when it comes to forcing him out. I know I will get to that point, right now I just feel crazy and embarrassed in front of people who know kinda what I'm dealing with but who MUST be sick of hearing about it. Thank god for all of you and the understanding of how it's so much harder than it seems from outside.