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About Bennu

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    Advanced Member

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    NY state

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  1. My ex took them. He got better at intimidating without being outwardly violent. He'd instead storm around the house making loud noises without actually breaking anything. He'd do this in the middle of the night so that no one could get any sleep if he hadn't been having proper ego stroking from us all. He's make me sit through long lectures about how I had ruined his life. He's insist that the children needed to be disciplined for imagined offenses. It just made him better at abusing covertly. The problem comes from the fact that they feel entitled to whatever it is that they are trying to make you do. They just learn other manipulation tactics because they still feel believe that their women should be serving their needs without question, compensation, or even decent treatment.
  2. Sometimes I think about going for one of the younger men who approach me just to bug him. It's not worth it though. We need to look forward and live our own lives free from any thought of them.
  3. Of course it is. I'm sorry Sometimes they give you a big reality check by doing something super jerky when you feeling like that. We have our hopes and dreams and they can be hard to let go, even when they weren't true or real.
  4. That's it Morning Glory
  5. I'm sorry littlebear. You did it once. You can do it again. Start making your plan.
  6. And that what they want to do makes you feel really bad. You are supposed to shut up and pretend to enjoy it.
  7. You have people who are here for you. We're glad you found us too, but sorry that you had to.
  8. To me it felt like jumping off a cliff without a parachute without knowing what was at the bottom. There was a bull running at me at the top so I really had no choice but to hope that the bottom of the cliff would be better. Picking up the pieces at that bottom has been a challenge, but probably better than dealing with the bull. The landing was softer than it could have been.
  9. It is shocking to me how similar this is to something that happened to me. What monsters these men are.
  10. I am sorry that you aren't getting support from your family. Since that is the case, don't discuss with them. They will make it harder for you to sort out for yourself what you should do. While you are figuring it out, don't tell people that you are leaving. You can say that you need some time to think and then do that. Let your family know that it's temporary. They may be looking out for themselves and not wanting an extra family in their house for long. It's not always best for the kids to stay together. I did that and my kids are really messed up. Kids develop serious anxiety issues living in an abusive household. I'm sorry for what you are going through. I recommend Lundy Bancroft's book "Why Does He Do That?" too. It opened my eyes. Also youtube: "The Spartan Lifecoach".
  11. I'm sorry. Give yourself time.
  12. Good grief, eidi16, You are still with this horrible person?
  13. He is taking it out on you. Then, worst yet, he pretends he isn't.
  14. Who knows if that is even the truth at this point. They say whatever they have to say in the moment to get through the situation. Just like a child caught with chocolate all over their face. They have never matured past that point. I'm sorry.
  15. I'm still doing it. I'm working on friendships. I had been forced to abandon them. I should probably work on reconnecting with family, but I haven't yet. It's a lot harder to make friends now than it used to be. I'm working on my employment situation. Trying to do well at my job. Trying not to overreact to negative things and difficult personalities which you always face in the work place. Working on doing well to get references for that next job. Working on building a routine, including exercise, reading, in my daily activity. Working on being more efficient, getting my place more organized and cleaner. Trying to get back to who I was. It's going to take a long time. Trying to be a better person. Trying to get over the negative attributes I picked up as a result of that experience. Trying to not get immediately defensive. Trying to find joy. Keep going through the motions and it gets easier.