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Bennu

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About Bennu

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    Female
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    NY state

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  1. It's blame shifting and projection: it is crazymaking.
  2. I'm sorry Vampy. I think it hurts more and more as time goes on until you can't stand it anymore. I also think that you should feel good about the nice compliment your hairdresser paid you. Maybe you could make enough money doing that to leave.
  3. I have to admit to having a boyfriend with whom shared showers were wonderful. Not so with Eeyore though. Some people can share a shower and still give you your space and others get in your space no matter where they are.
  4. Lousy sex is a good one. I thought I could teach him. Ha Ha. It comes from an inability to understand what the other person is feeling. That's not teachable. Not happy with any job or boss - also a good one.
  5. This happened to me. I remember an incident that happened even before we were married. It made no sense at the time. He blamed it all on someone else, but it no sense that the other person would have done what he said was done. The only thing that makes sense is that it was his lie which he did to manipulate me into doing what he wanted me to do. Our whole relationship was built on lies from the very beginning. That was hard for me to take.
  6. I was able to spend some time away. Without that, I don't know if I could have seen it. What got me recognizing it was looking for a job and seeing my behavior in interviews. It felt like PTSD from a war zone. I could see myself in a detached way. I could see how much my confidence had been damaged and how I wasn't the person I used to be. As I came out of my fog, I gradually was able to see more and more. Interacting with people at work helped some. I got some ideas of how normal people behave and how badly I had been treated and how that affected the way I was able to interact with others. Talking with abuse counselors helped too, but I couldn't get very far with perceiving reality until I had left, I had to leave based on faith alone. That's very hard.
  7. I agree Vickeee. I didn't get that part before. Maybe he's just putting in time until you will have sex with him.
  8. I feel for you Vickeee and do agree that he sounds abusive. That being said, I like to read too. I would not like my partner insisting that I only read during a time predetermined by my partner and measured with a timer. That's different if you only have one bathroom and need to use it. I want to exercise my free will. If someone I was dating tried to pull that on me, I would run the other direction. I know from personal experience that unreasonable responses can come from being treated abusively. You try and try to work things out somehow and some of the tactics are less than stellar. Sometimes you just have to walk away.
  9. What is it that the police wouldn't act on that was caught on video? Perhaps it wasn't an actual criminal offense? Do you have good evidence for the police to act on? Where did the video come from? What is the law in your area regarding using video as evidence? It might not be the police, it might be the laws. I tell you the divorce laws for women who take time out of the workplace to raise children are rather horrible in my area.
  10. For general relationships, but it applies to us too: https://www.amazon.com/Rebuilding-Relationship-Books-Divorce-Beyond/dp/1886230692 Anoter Engel book: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/p/the-emotionally-abused-woman-beverly-engel/1114141497/2680569883016?st=PLA&sid=BNB_DRS_Marketplace+Shopping+greatbookprices_00000000&2sid=Google_&sourceId=PLGoP24166&k_clickid=3x24166
  11. You're not the only one to fall for those kinds of things with those interpretations of actions. I did the same thing, and then I stayed married to the guy. You are smart to get out now.
  12. Not at all. It is your life and that's the whole point. I feel very fortunate to be supported by my ex's family, yet I know that I could never trust it. It helped with the hurt of the transition though. If ripping the bandaid off works better for you, go for it.
  13. My ex's family contacted me but not to fight for his side. They contacted me to be there for me. Sure, they want us to work things out, but they are being supportive. We have been friends for years. Consider that a possibility.
  14. That's all part of the blame shifting. Even the inability to perform is somehow someone else's fault. Little blue pills were too expensive. I had to make him able to perform with some kind of prostitute like magic or something. The fact that I had no desire to do that to a complete a hole somehow wasn't factored into the equation. It makes no sense.
  15. It was triggering all right. I couldn't get anything done for a couple of days after that. Thanks for the support.