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About Bennu

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    Advanced Member

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    NY state

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334 profile views
  1. I'm sorry. Give yourself time.
  2. Good grief, eidi16, You are still with this horrible person?
  3. He is taking it out on you. Then, worst yet, he pretends he isn't.
  4. Who knows if that is even the truth at this point. They say whatever they have to say in the moment to get through the situation. Just like a child caught with chocolate all over their face. They have never matured past that point. I'm sorry.
  5. I'm still doing it. I'm working on friendships. I had been forced to abandon them. I should probably work on reconnecting with family, but I haven't yet. It's a lot harder to make friends now than it used to be. I'm working on my employment situation. Trying to do well at my job. Trying not to overreact to negative things and difficult personalities which you always face in the work place. Working on doing well to get references for that next job. Working on building a routine, including exercise, reading, in my daily activity. Working on being more efficient, getting my place more organized and cleaner. Trying to get back to who I was. It's going to take a long time. Trying to be a better person. Trying to get over the negative attributes I picked up as a result of that experience. Trying to not get immediately defensive. Trying to find joy. Keep going through the motions and it gets easier.
  6. Clouds and Sunshine, you picked a bad guy. I'm sorry. I'd get out of there. My experience tells me that it only gets worse.
  7. Hi hoping, I have an idea for you to see if he has really changed. An abuser will pretend to be nice when they feel they have to because you have mentioned leaving. A genuine good person will be nice to you whether or not they feel that you might leave them. A genuine nice person is nice because they are nice. An abuser is only nice until they get you trapped again and then revert to using you to take out their frustrations and take advantage of. Make him feel secure again. Tell him that you don't know why you ever though you could leave. You need him and you could never leave him to be on your own. Then see how he treats you.
  8. Yup
  9. I'm sorry Fluffytea. That's hard. Of course, there was nothing to fix. It was never anything real. That man who you thought you knew was a fantasy.
  10. I found that when I didn't serve his purposes, the abuse increased. Could you alter your behavior in such a way that he might reveal his true colors? How changed is he? Would he revert if he wasn't getting his way for awhile?Would that help? Another thing that helped me was discussing his favorite memories of our marriage. The things that he remembered fondly were some of the things that I wanted to forget the most. Many things he remembered fondly, I was ashamed of. That could be telling too.
  11. Me too. Violated and used.
  12. Hoping, instead of thinking you caused him to behave badly, did you ever think that he may be the cause of your decreased mental stability? I know my abusive ex caused mine. Getting away has been a huge improvement. If he's treating others badly too, that a big confirmation that it is him, not you.
  13. Living with an abuser makes you start to feel like getting your needs met by manipulation is normal. Of course it's not right to withhold affection (sex) from someone to get an apology. But, is it right to not apologize when you have done something wrong? Is it right to treat your spouse badly? Is it right to not want to have sex with someone who has treated you badly? Of course you don't want to have sex with someone who is a big jerk! I have a feeling that the only way to fix your problem will be to walk away. He is who he is. The way he behaves when you are speaking to your family is despicable. They are your love and support. He should be glad that you have them in your life. He is a self centered jerk.
  14. It's blame shifting and projection: it is crazymaking.
  15. I'm sorry Vampy. I think it hurts more and more as time goes on until you can't stand it anymore. I also think that you should feel good about the nice compliment your hairdresser paid you. Maybe you could make enough money doing that to leave.