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Bennu

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About Bennu

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    NY state

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  1. That's what mine did. He'd tell me that "guys" are like this and that and he wasn't. Actually most guys are not like that and he was. It took me far too long to figure that out.
  2. I also think that your instincts are correct. I'm sorry you came across another one, but you can be proud that you recognize him for what he is.
  3. It was like that with my ex. He did a good job pretending to be a really good guy but the feelings weren't there. I felt things but it didn't feel real between us. It didn't feel reciprocated although he said all the right things. With past loves I felt and understanding to the point that I knew when they were going to call me on the phone or what they wanted to do that weekend. I never felt that way with him. I kept thinking it would come with time. Maybe when the feelings aren't there it's because he's not feeling them. Maybe he's not even capable of feeling them and that's why you aren't. I think that was what was going on in the early days with my ex and I didn't recognize it.
  4. Mine didn't drive fast. What he would do is speed up when pedestrians of other races would cross the road in front of him. He thought it was funny to nearly miss them as they scrambled to get to the other side safely.
  5. For one thing, masturbating is not cheating. It is generally considered healthy. That is terribly controlling of her to prevent you from doing it. How did you mess up her life? Reacting when someone is shouting in your face is only normal, but pushing her is still wrong. I've done wrong things in reaction to abuse too. That behavior wasn't me and away from him it's gone. Threatening to lie to police that you are molesting the children is unforgivable. Not letting you out the door also. I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. You need to be very careful about how you handle her. She will use the children to manipulate you. People tend to blame the male and that isn't fair. My brother's wife abused him also.
  6. That's exactly it. Mine too. That's how their minds work.
  7. I've had a number of coffee/a drink kind of dates. It's interesting out there. One seems worthy of more dating, but he's younger than I am. We'll see what happens. One is being too pushy. I think it's almost lights out for him. Another has a couple of women who have manipulated him into giving them free rent. Not a can of worms I want to get into. I found a meet up group of older folk who like going dancing. That's fun and non threatening. That's more my speed for now.
  8. You describe it well, Over and Out
  9. Good questions. I don't know. I'm newly dating too. No sparks yet. I think I'm too afraid.
  10. Mine too. I would have kept trying but the kids refused to go anymore.
  11. Mine used to act like I was expecting him to be perfect too. I would have stayed with even half decent behavior. (Though I'm glad now I didn't) He couldn't even manage that. I guess for them, half decent is so hard that it feels like perfect.
  12. Was his anger justified? Would someone else get angry at the same thing? Was your fear justified? Would another person feel fear in the same circumstances? I think that is the difference. His anger was a tool to manipulate. Your fear was a justified reaction to threatening behavior.
  13. Those aren't your anger issues. Those issues come from an abusive relationship. The same thing happened to me. He put it on me. I felt bad about my anger issues and I put up with more and more which is exactly what he wanted. He'd always find some reason to get angry anyway. I could do everything perfect and there was always something I could have done better. Like someone said above, he taunts you to give himself an excuse to vent his own anger. It's like an impulse they can't control and they need an excuse to explode. The only way to fix your anger issues is to get rid of him. You can do it.
  14. I'm sorry he disappointed you again, Starshine. I too, needed more proof before finally doing it. When you are a good person you need a very good reason to do something that the other doesn't want. Don't apologize. We are here to support you.
  15. I'm sorry, teenagers can make this much more difficult. I don't have answers. I hope things get better with time.