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About sunshine27

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  1. I had a consultation with Evans. I sent her information about my ex including a list of all the hot words and phrases at the back of the book that he had said to me. After ten minutes of speaking to her she suggested that I leave town and have him served while I was gone. I didn't think my ex was that bad but apparently he was worse than I thought. I didn't follow her suggestion but now that I look at things if he didn't care about making money so much money (if he was put in jail he would have lost his job as a teacher anywhere) he would have seriously hurt me for leaving him. It made him look bad of course. There were times I could tell in his eyes he seriously wanted to injure me. My point is, Evans knows there are few men that can be helped and they will need years of intense therapy to be helped. She said this to me. She also stated that my ex was not one of them that could be helped. Even with treatment you would spend the rest of your life policing behavior if you sought the treatment route with your SO.
  2. I would like to echo the others. The label really doesn't matter. My ex H could fit into so many labels it made my head spin. In the end all I knew was that I was glad to be divorced from him and I would never have to deal with him again.
  3. Congratulations! I always love hearing positive stories on this site. Sometimes when we get out things aren't great financially (they haven't been for me the past 2 1/2 years) but I agree, I'm so happy I'm no longer with exh.
  4. WB - be gentle with yourself. If you do decide to leave, it can take some time. It has to be your decision your way. Not what others say you should do or based on what others have done. When you are ready it will happen. This is definitely financial abuse. My exh financially abused me badly. It got to the point where he would pout for days if he knew I had extra money so I would give in and give it to him just to get him to quit pouting even though I needed it. He got me to the point where I would borrow money from my parents out of fear of asking him. I would actually have them drive 30 miles out of the way so he wouldn't notice the extra mileage on the odometer. You are going through some tough stuff but remember, we have been conditioned to act the way we do. The next step is to uncondition ourselves. I won't lie, it's hard. He will fight back but after being out for 2 1/2 years I can tell you it's worth it.
  5. :spudnikbackflip:Yay!!!!!!!! I'm so glad he is gone!
  6. You are welcome! It has helped me out many times because I'm so prone to feeling sorry for people or excusing their behavior.
  7. Thank you so much for the options! I actually belong to a lot of meetups. I work a lot so it's hard for to make most of them. I have just been really down in the dumps so I was mainly venting. I do really appreciate all that has been said. I'll be okay, just kind of sad right now. Feeling a little better today. I realized today that I did go through this last year at this time. I think it has to do with the divorce. Just have to think positive!
  8. I echo all of this confusedmom! Your H sounds a lot like my ExH! I was terrified of him. Please educate yourself and post and read. You deserve way more than you are getting now!
  9. Bumping this for new members.
  10. He may be abusive because of all that has happened to him with his health or he may be just abusive. In the end the only thing that is really important is your happiness. Where do you want to be in life and does it include putting up with him?
  11. Vent as much as you want! We've all been there and return to that place often. I do hope you find a place to live soon. I don't know your story but he sounds like a jerk!
  12. Pandabear, I'm so sorry you are going through this. You can't "deal" with him. I rarely say this but you need to leave. He sounds dangerous. Abusers are wired differently from healthy people. He will never see things from your perspective. There is a great analogy by Patricia Evans who wrote "Controlling People" and who personally helped me get out of my marriage. Here is a link to the blog post. http://nomoreverbalabuse.blogspot.com/2008/07/teddy-check.html Maybe this will help you to understand what is going on. Much love and many hugs from afar!
  13. I haven't posted in a while. I do pop in from time to time to share and to help. Not today. A little background - I've been divorced for two years. My ex was covertly abusive, violent, and basically a clinical psychopath. He never hit me but came close a few times. I'm struggling really bad right now. I'm not exactly sure why. I've been in the dumps for a good month now and it's getting worse. After two years of being divorced being alone all the time is really taking a toll on me. I don't even really have friends to do things with because they all have boyfriends or families and don't have time or have other plans. It's not that I don't meet up with people, I do, I'm just always the third wheel. Anytime I want to do something and invite someone they can't go so I end up by myself. I feel like no one truly cares about me. My family with the exception of my D and my younger sis don't even care. I was over at my parent's house for the 4th and still by myself again so I went out to look at kitchen cabinets for my new house. Every guy I meet sends up red flags for me so I've decided to stop dating again. The latest and greatest one told me he missed me yesterday and I have met up with him only two times. Great! I know God is with me so I'm not completely alone but God can't go hiking or kayaking or go see fireworks. I actually had that "I should have stayed" thought recently so I know it's bad for me right now. My sister also got engaged and I'm very happy for her (I went dress shopping with her today, so much fun! The dress I hope she gets is so beautiful on her) but part of me is a little hurt that her life seems so great when I've done nothing but struggle since I got divorced. Her fiance is nothing but awesome too! Everyone says it will get better but I'm not seeing it. I'm trying to be patient but it's really hard! I hate this! I want happy Sunshine back. I've been snippy with my family and work. I don't like this person I've become. June 24th marked my two year divorce date so I guess that's not helping. I thought I would at least be dating someone by now. Honestly, I just want a friend right now. A real friend that's not too busy for me.
  14. Bunny - Don't be ashamed of staying with him so long. I have been through a total of five abusive relationships as an adult. It wasn't until my marriage that I finally started researching abuse and now see it. I think you find that the more you educate yourself you'll see that you are not to blame. A lot of times we are either conditioned slowly by abusers or we were conditioned during our childhood by our parents. I was definitely abused my whole life and it will take awhile to undo it. Abusers also seem to have this magic power over us. The good news - it's possible to break the spell. I did last Summer with a guy I was seeing. It took about a month but I stopped the cravings for him. Keep reading and posting. We are here for you!
  15. Deb, I'm so sorry you had to find us. I'm glad you did though. We are here to listen, tell our stories, and give information to any who needs it. Have you reached out to a DV center yet? They can help you. I often see that abusers will say that they will help only to not help in the end. I used to work in a shelter and the DV agency can even hide you in another state if need be. My point is, there are a lot of resources to help you if you want them. When and if you are ready, share more of your story and we can support you better.