• Announcements

    • Curly

      Replying to PMs

      Please note that you can not reply to a personal message by replying to the notification email. Recently admins have received some email responses to personal messages. This is because some members have replied to the notification email. You can not reply to a personal message via the email. What replying to the notification email does is send a copy of the original message and the reply to the admin email address. It does not send your reply to the person who sent you the message. The email notification of the personal message does request "PLEASE DO NOT REPLY DIRECTLY TO THIS EMAIL!"
    • Curly

      New Members and validating your account.

      New members registering please do not hesitate to contact our admin if you do not see a validation email within a few minutes of registering. Yahoo and some other email addresses tend to block the validation email and without this part of the process your account remains in limbo. Our admins are more than happy to help you complete the validation process should this automated system fail. We can be contacted via admin.our.place@gmail.com Please note that you may experience a delay between registering your account and validating before you are able to post as we do also manually process all registrations to keep this forum free of spam. Your account should be activated within 24 hours of you completing the validation process. Thank you.

Our Place Administrators

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  1. During the next week or so, the forum will be upgraded to the latest version. Hopefully there will be no disruption to the forum, but in case there is we wanted the members to be aware of what is going on. It is possible there might be some downtime during the upgrade and we want everybody to know that it is just the upgrade taking place and we haven't disappeared. (although sometimes things look and act a little differently after an upgrade) If anybody has a problem logging in once the upgraded has been performed please email: admin.our.place@gmail.com See you on the flipside
  2. During the next week or so, the forum will be upgraded to the latest version. Invision technical support is no longer able to assist with this version, so if something goes wrong we would left with no help. Hopefully there will be no disruption to the forum, but in case there is we wanted the members to be aware of what is going on. It is possible there might be some downtime during the upgrade and we want everybody to know that it is just the upgrade taking place and we haven't disappeared. (although sometimes things look and act a little differently after an upgrade) As soon as we know the upgrade is close we will post again
  3. We would just like to remind people to always consider the tone of any post or reply to a post. The main condition for posting on Our Place is that you be respectful of other members at all times. While we welcome feedback, validation and advice on posts it is important to remember that any suggestions you have for another member are just that, a suggestion. Advice is for the member to accept or reject according to their own needs and where they are in the healing and dealing with abuse process. It is not acceptable to post advice as orders, or as fact. Nor is it acceptable to demand your advice be followed. Each person is an individual and has every right to choose their own path. All people are capable of making mistakes or of doing things that may be unwise. It is not our role to judge. Judgemental posting will not be tolerated. If you have nothing positive or supportive to say on a thread then it really is a good idea to say nothing at all. I would dare to say that most people who are being abused or who have recently escaped from an abusive relationship will have self esteem issues. Judgemental posts are not going to help and may even drive a person away from seeking help. The Admin Team
  4. Our Place is run and maintained by a group of unpaid volunteer administrators. The only cost incurred for keeping Our Place available to anyone in need of support dealing with abuse is the cost of keeping the board online through Invision. This is currently $30 a month. To donate please click on the link below. You will need a PayPal account. https://paypal.me/ourplace Donation is totally voluntary. $5 or $10 amounts are welcome. We are not requesting large donations. Any support is appreciated. Thank you in advance The Admin Team
  5. We would like to remind people to respect that not all members share the same beliefs. Please do not assume. Please do not bring religion in to a thread or a private message unless a poster has specifically mentioned or asked for advice on a religious matter. Not all members will appreciate religious advice no matter how well intended. For the purposes of this forum please consider religion as a private matter as this forum is intended to welcome all who need help dealing with abuse in a relationship no matter what their background or belief system. Thank you The Admin Team
  6. eggs

    eggs and bacon testing
  7. We wish to remind members that it is important to remember to always post in a respectful manner and that personal attacks are never acceptable. If you have an issue with another member please discuss it politely and privately with the other party or bring it to the attention of the admins. It is perfectly acceptable to disagree but it is not acceptable to attack the person you disagree with. It is acceptable to agree to disagree. Opinions often will be varied and the person seeking the advice has every right to choose what suits them or not. It is never acceptable to demand that your advice be taken no matter how right you believe it to be. Those seeking opinions have the right to act on the advice or not. We are all different. What works for one may not be right for another. Please remember that. This forum has a great history of respectful drama free posting that has successfully provided a safe and supportive community and we do congratulate our members who have made Our Place what it is and we hope this will continue to be the case. Our Place Administrators
  8. Every now and then we post a reminder to members that the Our Place forum rules do apply to all exchanges through the board. This includes all posts, personal or private messages, the board email function, the blogs and the forum chat. If you do receive a communication from another member that is unwelcome or in any way inappropriate there are options available to you. You may politely let the member know that you have an issue with their communication. You may also block a member from communicating with you through the PM system. If you feel that the issue is something you can't resolve, then please contact an admin. The PM system does have a report option that can be used to alert the admins to the issue and the report will forward the PM to the admins so that we can see what has been sent and deal with it accordingly. The board email system comes with a warning that lets members know that admin can read these communications. While we do not generally do so we can in a situation where a complaint is made. This does only apply to emails posted through the board and not to replies made directly to those emails. In regard to chat we do not have transcripts so it is up to the person with a complaint to copy and paste the conversation they wish to report. We can only act on incidents in chat if we are able to see the transcript. No one should have to accept an unwelcome, unpleasant, disrespectful or hostile communication through this board. Please forward or report any messages that you think are inappropriate or unwelcome.
  9. Every now and then we post a reminder to members that the Our Place forum rules do apply to all exchanges through the board. This includes all posts, personal or private messages, the board email function, the blogs and the forum chat. If you do receive a communication from another member that is unwelcome or in any way inappropriate there are options available to you. You may politely let the member know that you have an issue with their communication. You may also block a member from communicating with you through the PM system. If you feel that the issue is something you can't resolve or don't feel you can resolve then please contact an admin. The PM system does have a report option that can be used to alert the admins to the issue and the report will forward the PM to the admins so that we can see what has been sent and deal with it accordingly. The board email system comes with a warning that lets members know that admin can read these communications. While we do not generally do so we can in a situation where a complaint is made. This does only apply to emails posted through the board and not to replies made directly to those emails. In regard to chat we do not have transcripts so it is up to the person with a complaint to copy and paste the conversation they wish to report. We can only act on incidents in chat if we are able to see the transcript. No one should have to accept an unwelcome, unpleasant, disrespectful or hostile communication through this board.
  10. Recently, a number of threads have been derailed, hijacked and used as an opportunity for jabs and digs at other members. Jabbing at someone's vulnerabilities in order to discredit their advice is simply unacceptable. Mocking someone by ridiculing them (however subtly) and then claiming not to have done so or apologizing after the fact will not be tolerated. Passive-aggressive retaliation is not a healthy response and isn't allowed on this site. If you don't get along with or like someone, then stay away from them and do not respond to them (use the ignore button). Warnings will be issued to members who break the rules and banning will take place when the third warning is issued. And a reminder to members that what they see/read/perceive is not always representative of what is actually happening. The administrators often have access to information that is not public knowledge, and this information can shed a very different light on a situation. Please do not take it upon yourselves to publicly intervene or attempt to moderate, but report posts that appear to contravene guidelines. Thank you Our Place Administrators Our Place Forum Rules
  11. Welcome to Book Club Here you can participate in group studies of books that can inform, empower and help healing from abuse. There is also a Book Exchange that can only be seen by members. We have divided the forum into sub-forums so that each book has it's own area. To begin with there is: The Nice Girl Syndrome As new books are chosen, we will add more subforums. if you have suggestions for books or ideas that could be useful for the forum please add to this thread. All ideas are welcome Happy Reading Our Place Administrators
  12. Chapter 1 - The high price of being too nice
  13. Some time hopefully in the next few days the board that supports the Our Place forum will be upgraded to the latest version. This is long overdue and something we need to do as Invision will not continue with it's technical support for the older version. This last week we have been dealing with a massive increase in spam registrations an issue that appears to have hit all message boards at the same time. This spam dump has dramatically increased the admin workload and has had us tied up with what is really a huge waste of our time. The upgrade will include improved features for dealing with this issue. Hopefully there will be no disruption to the forum but in case there is we wanted our members to be aware of what was going on. Hoping that there is any downtime it will not be for more than an hour or two.
  14. We would like to remind everyone that Our Place is intended as a place of learning, healing and personal growth. In keeping with that we expect our members to show tolerance and respect for each other as we grow, learn, explore options, make choices and occasionally get it wrong or slip up. Our Place is not about taking revenge or trying to fix the abuser. Our Place is about focusing on self and what we can change. Our place is not about breaking the law nor is it about condoning the invasion of anyone's privacy. Most here are horrified and disgusted when a member reports that the abuser has hacked the victim's email account. Most members are angry in response to this violation, a violation that is against the law and also morally wrong, yet at times when some of our members reverse that role and hack into the abuser's account the response from some is quite different. Having been a target for abuse does not make it right to break the law and violate the abuser's privacy. Our Place does not encourage, support or condone breaking the law or violating another person's privacy although we do understand that at times to do so may seem very tempting for a variety of reasons. Breaking in to any private account that is not your own is wrong. Going through another person's private journal or papers is wrong. Aside from the moral issues these stalking behaviours keep people invested in the abuser and what the abuser is or is not doing. This is behaviour that does not help in the healing process. It is also behaviour that could possibly get a person in trouble with the law. It is the opinion of the Our Place Administration that to violate another person's privacy is wrong regardless of it being done by the abuser or the abused.
  15. There have been concerns expressed by several members that Dani82 is playing us and is not in the situation she claims to be. We are removing Dani82 from the forum as it is now clear that her story does not add up. Computer evidence shows she has not moved to another country.