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Disco

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Everything posted by Disco

  1. ... they DO NOT. Or at least, mine has seemingly NOT. I have gone to write this post a few times recently, but here goes nothing .... I am an old Member of this Forum (and other Forums like it) from many, many years ago. I never thought I'd even be back on this Forum ever again, but something deep within me compels me to write here again. Even if it is only to get it off my chest, and even if this post only serves to help but one person. Not even sure what old Members still post here as I have not checked as yet .... My Brief Backstory: I live in Australia and had an approx; 15 year on and off again relationship with an emotional, verbal and physical abuser. I found the old Cat b ox (Abuse) Forum run by Dr Ir ene (I think it is now defunct) during a period of complete desperation when I was trying to find and fight my way out of a very violent and destructive relationship. I came across it when I was searching for answers. It was during an extremely dark period of my life. Cut to now: After ooooh about 12 years of No Contact whatsoever, my abusive ex, in his infinite wisdom (yeah right! LOL), decides to contact me through Facebook. It was completely out of the blue. I know he has since married and has 2 children with her, and as far as I am aware, they are still together. I had cut ties with all of our mutual friends back in Sydney many moons ago, as that felt right for me to do at the time. I had seen his profile appear on my "People You May Know" list, but I was NEVER going to contact him again! We apparently still have a link from the past through me reconnecting with old friend/s on there, OR, he just decided to look me up. Regardless, after almost throwing up my guts for half an hour after getting his message, I thought I would do the *right* thing and let bygones be bygones and reply to him. I remained civil (even jovial) in chat, and so did he (to be fair) ... and to cut a very long story short - after a few short but sweet exchanges over a couple of weeks, he clearly got (or did not get) what he wanted (whatever that was), he then promptly Blocked me for no reason! WTH!? People - do yourself a favour, leave the past in the past if you do manage to get out of an abusive relationship. If they do ever contact you again through social media or whatever, block them. I know many people do remain in, and they may have continuing ties that bind them forever (like children) but that was not for me, in the end, it was not be as I made other choices. The abuse basically sent me bonkers and I still deal with the negative effects of it all to this very day. I should have cut my losses years before actually, but it is what it is. I have been seeing the same Therapist every now and then, through Victims Of Crime, over the years (from the time we parted company back in about 2003, but contact with him dragged out to about 2005 I think it was). So Therapist says: "So, D, what are you going to do if he should contact you ever again?" Me: "Err, block him!" ..... ... stick a fork in me, I am well and truly done THIS time! UGH! They simply do not change - the Control issues etc are all still there it appears. I am far from being a perfect human being, and not sure what life has in store for me in future, but one thing is for sure, I never want him in my life again regardless of any enduring feelings I may still have for him. Cheers, D.
  2. Check this out for a reality check: http://www.globalrichlist.com/ D
  3. "What if i'm not always the victim?" I think that's where many of us started from. Look, I don't know your story, but if you are not seeing a Therapist now, I think you should be seeking one out, even before trying to self-diagnose yourself through the many self-help books available out there on the market, is my advice. Start there and work your way up/out. If you don't know how to find a Therapist then ask how to do that ....
  4. What? So you always, ultimately, leave your ball in the other person's court, to do whatever they want with it? More to the point: whenever they want ... Don't you ever, at some point, want to take some kind of total personal responsibility for yourself and want control back over you to say: "No" or "Yes" for yourself over your own life outcomes and your own destiny, no matter what they may say or do? I mean, it is YOUR life ... is it not?
  5. So sad to read abuse still happening all around, so sad ... I hardly have words :(

    1. Chloe

      Chloe

      Couldn't agree more :( ((( D )))

  6. Well, you have a friend who dogged you, sadly, hate to point out the obvious
  7. AG I just hope you sort it out, Sweetie. Whomever is doing this to you Online is 'muck' IMO. x D
  8. It seems this fake is close at hand, IMO. Just from what I have gleaned. Auslan, have you discovered who it is yet? D
  9. Ask around (well, that's what I did) & you will work it out I'm sure. D
  10. Oi! Curly! I'm Disco now, not DMC! LOL Auslan, Hun, you have a stalker on Facebook (obviously). But you already know that I think. I replied back to the 'fake you' on Facebook and they replied back to me. So, they are active on that (your) account. English does not appear to be their first language though. I think you should report it to Facebook & make your profile private on there until you sort it all out. It seems they know a bit? about you too. I dunno, if it happened to me I would do some investigating to find out who it is ... but that's just me. I reported & de-friended this account BTW. Cheers D
  11. Ta, have not been around these parts for a while Oh good news then, Chinacat, very good news, I'm happy for her! D
  12. He sounds controlling, are you still with him now? Why? (I'm not going to ~beat around the bush~ here ..... You have to weigh these things up IMO .... Why are you still with him/what is the pay off for you, honestly?) D
  13. You guys are not coming from the same 'place' it seems to me, atleast on this point. And that could very well be OK .... but .... I imagine this is not just a ~one of~. What other areas do you disagree on? And how do you both handle that/ & what is the outcome of that, or how do those disagreements generally go and end up? D
  14. This has been all over the news/current affairs here (in Australia) also lately ..... I don't know what to make of it myself. I can see the good(?) & bad(?) points of it myself .... but yikes ... just yikes!
  15. To my Dear and fabulous friend Chloeeeeeeeeeeeeee, I hope you have a faaabulous day Darlink and a very special day at that (this is a "biggie"), Sweetie. So, welcome to the 'Fab40's'! I think you know how wonderful and special I think you are by now! But here are some cute pics just incase you don't! Much D
  16. Exactly, MG! ONE ... count it .... X D
  17. Yah, but this one has not "changed", he has clearly just "changed" his tactics/methods of control & manipulation (AND he is not even concealing that very well! ) & I agree, you have every right to leave, even if the person has had a complete personality overhaul, everyone has the right to walk right out that door or kick their arss out! D
  18. Just on this - Notice how he speaks for you BOTH there It's just how these types operate - it's ALL abut them and YOU should be all about them too! There is no "you" in that "we" - to him "we" = "HIM". What he is really stating here is that HE is perfectly happy other than that. Get it? Honey, this is a guy who is still not considering you AND he is trying to convince you that everything will be OK with your relationship if only YOU with do/be X, Y & Z. So selfish and self-centered. He destroys the relationship with HIS abuse and HE is unhappy, eh? Where is his new-found understanding of what he has put YOU through and the after effects of this on YOU then, eh? Not only that, but he is trying to guilt trip you back into submission with his 'woe-is-me' tales! Please, see this for what it really is - more manipulation. He has not changed - this guy has just changed his tactics on you - and if this new set of tactics does not work on you? Oh boy, I fear you had better watch out! Oh and sure, he is going through the motions now with the counseling, to keep you there, it's manipulation. It's to keep you placated, which is the wrong reason, and it won't stick because he has not changed (only his methods have changed to suit). So, I can almost guarantee you that at some point he will flip out again, I'm sorry, but I have to be honest. Yours is like my X in that he has been physical - and that is no easy thing to change long term - that would need a complete personality overhaul! IMO you are living with a living-breathing-tick-tocking-abusive-time-bomb, set to go off at any given moment. I think he will go off when he can see that you are really not coming to the party and his new set of 'tools' have failed on you. I think he will ignite when he realises that and has had a complete gut full of that. When that happens he will likely explode in a major way. Look, I've been physically and verbally abused, and had gone back to the X who did that to me, infact, I went back a number of times to him, but my deep fears, my anger, even my bitterness towards him, and all the rest of the horrid after effects of the abuse remained. My walls were up and I was protecting myself after all. It all never really went away for me and I don't think it ever could whilst I remained with him really, all things considered - I have struggled enough with the memories/flashbacks/physical and mental ailments badly enough for years even after I left him, let alone having him in my space on a daily basis since! Oh yes, I tried and tried my hardest to forget it all, shelve it at the time, especially when he was being extra well behaved and especially nice to me for longer periods of time - but I was just trying to fool myself, it was not really working - I could not deny the truth and bury all my fears. And my fears always came true with him, at some point the abuse always came back. Furthermore, it's natural to be on your guard from then on in with someone of that ilk after they have seriously abused you, it's like you even sleep with one eye open on them. You become suspicious and jaded by natural default. I think it's a very sad and miserable existence actually, now that I look back on that time I had with him, I never truly relaxed with him in truth, and like you, I had lost the trust and the respect. Oh and I loved him, but in essence 'IT' was gone Baby, gone. So, IMO, the choice to stay with/go back to someone who is known to be physically volatile is always a very dangerous choice - dangerous for your health, for your body, for your mind and for your soul (if indeed you believe you have one). On every level it is dangerous. If you have a child or children, well of course it's dangerous for them too - something you really need to give some deep thought and consideration to also. I know the choice to walk away is not an easy one, it took me years and years (many of us here did) to make the final break, so we get that, but I don't know of anyone who made that choice then regretted it down the track - not one single person ... that really says something I think. Take care, D
  19. My sentiments, exactly! D
  20. Even when we (X & I) were in the throws of the very worst of the abuse (physical & verbal) he was still pressuring me to fall pregnant, that pressure was always present with him. Fortunately I did not I guess. So, this link does not surprise me. It's all about trapping & controlling isn't it ... D
  21. Agree. He is trying to screw up your holiday IMO. What a major ahole! I mean seriously, he's bloody toying with you from thousands of miles away. He's so jealously warped in his head, he's hideous! & seriously you should cut contact with him when you get back home, back to the bare minimum until your business with him is sorted. Then CUT him OFF completely after that, Pi - to remain in contact with him, for you, will be like playing with fire, Dear. I cannot see any benefits to keeping in contact with this nut after this, can you? He's a selfish so&so, you don't need this, no one needs this shite. So, forget this sucker, ignore him now. I hope you move on and enjoy yourself, Pi. X D
  22. Yeah .... whatever .... expected this one .... *yawn* Think of the continued alimony, Robyn ...... D
  23. What you say is: *Pointing in the direction of the kitchen* "See that big White/Sliver thing over there in the kitchen? It's called a "refrigerator" and your drink is in it waiting for YOU to get up, go over, reach in & claim it!" IOW: Get off your bum and get yourself your own drink! Good on you for saying "no" to him, BTW. D
  24. I'm wondering why you are still with this major Git & still agonising over him & the things he does, Ocean. Honey, he's just not gunna change (if this is what you are indeed hoping for). I think many people (yes, I was one of the 'many people' once too) stay "in" because they think their controlling/abusive/manipulative/self-entitled/call-it-what-you-want-to partner will *miraculously* & *magically* change somehow and become this fantasy person that they want them to be ... somehow. Is this you, are you still "in" because you are waiting and wanting this, Ocean? If you are, it's such a waste - a waste of your life ... such a waste of your precious, precious time ... and it's wasted on someone who does not appreciate and respect you, clearly he does not. If you seek some kind of equality with him, you are barking up the wrong tree. Life with an "abuser" is not fair, it's never really fair, nor is it equal, and more to the point - it's never, ever going to be. D
  25. I'm off on a 2 week Holiday, driving down to see Curly whom I have met before on one of our Retreats, and to meet Chloe in person for the first time. Curly has been generous enough to put me up for some of my time down there in Melbourne, and Chloe's dear Father is opening his home on the Victorian Coast to us all one weekend whilst he is away. I'll be staying near Chloe's home on the Peninsula for a few days also. YAY! Setting off tomorrow morning, staying with other friends along the way & back .... so, can't wait to get on the road! I'm all packed, got a new GPS and ready to go! Here is a link to my mapped journey (it's a looong drive but will be worth it!) ===> http://www.whereis.com/?id=1E22E85CC8F0D0&...intref=emailmap D