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About MorningGlory

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    Queen of Coffee
  • Birthday March 11

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  1. Just another facet to argue over. He will not quit.
  2. Thanks, Quad need to develop those habits while writing here. After putting 15 minutes into writing I get so frustrated when I do my internet texting habits and the whole kit and kaboodle disappears. Have a habit of SHIFT + ENTER. once get to the end and hit ENTER. It's a goner. Save before ENTER! Save before ENTER! ────(♥)(♥)(♥)────(♥)(♥)(♥) __ ɪƒ ƴσυ'ʀє αʟσηє, ──(♥)██████(♥)(♥)██████(♥) ɪ'ʟʟ ɓє ƴσυʀ ѕɧα∂σѡ. ─(♥)████████(♥)████████(♥) ɪƒ ƴσυ ѡαηт тσ cʀƴ, ─(♥)██████████████████(♥) ɪ'ʟʟ ɓє ƴσυʀ ѕɧσυʟ∂єʀ. ──(♥)████████████████(♥) ɪƒ ƴσυ ѡαηт α ɧυɢ, ────(♥)████████████(♥) __ ɪ'ʟʟ ɓє ƴσυʀ ρɪʟʟσѡ. ──────(♥)████████(♥) ɪƒ ƴσυ ηєє∂ тσ ɓє ɧαρρƴ, ────────(♥)████(♥) __ ɪ'ʟʟ ɓє ƴσυʀ ѕɱɪʟє. ─────────(♥)██(♥) ɓυт αηƴтɪɱє ƴσυ ηєє∂ α ƒʀɪєη∂, ───────────(♥) __ ɪ'ʟʟ ʝυѕт ɓє ɱє.
  3. The brain will try to heal itself in your sleep. It will run different scenarios and patterns. While some of it when you wake up might make you uncomfortable. You do need to let your brain blow off some steam. What I found is when I was receiving pressure and feeling attacked. It generated anxiety which sent my brain into overtime. It is one of the signs that you're dealing with PTSD but still does not mean you have it. Even when you start to heal from PTSD years later a stressful situation can still trigger nightmares. Some of the pain we have to deal with is what we wanted for our lives. The goals we always tried to obtain and the time the NARC took made some of those dreams distant and unobtainable. Your mind has to reconcile this with your spirit and soul. So it entertains it self in strange ways. For what it is worth it might be your mind pumping you up to withstand an upcoming encounter. Be grateful for the mind doing so much work in your sleep and thank your mind for working on it. When I went to bed I would say to myself if you can figure out how to get more peace I would be grateful MIND. Do what you have to do to heal.
  4. Yeah, the Governor would do that to let me know how it was going to go for me if I represented myself rather than make his life perfect for him. He is working really hard to create a whole scenario of confusion to make you just go along with him. Disengaging is also the best defense and the best revenge. They are not getting the emotional feed back. Get absorbed into something and put your focus on something else.
  5. Anything that is not clear and sorted clearly in paperwork can be dropped with out needing to consult you. Just to be a jerk my EX-canceled his land line so I could not call my son. I at least had Skype written in and because of that, he had to provide at least the Skype. So he did with a mirror behind it in the living room so he could watch me talk to my son. Specify EVERYTHING. LANDLINE, access to your child through Skype and social media accounts. Require having your child's passcodes while he is underage to any accounts created. If you get remarried that they can not interfere with the child being there or the ceremony. The child brings clothing in current size. If he moves he is not allowed to add extra traveling expenses to your visitation. My EX even tried to say he grounded my son and I was to uphold any punishment over here. YAH RIGHT! They try everything!!!
  6. Every time I hit enter all my TEXT disappears. Any one else doing this? I have written some really good stuff to hit the button and it is all gone. POOF!!!!
  7. I find the abusers that have changed can talk about what they did and can publically say how they hurt their wives. They can even state what they do so they see change. My guess is that he is being nice but has not done the work of healing abuse. If he had there would have been understanding that is clear and stated. Put your money in a safe place and have your exit plan in order when he shows that side again make it swift and fast. The more you go back the more they steal from you. The more people around you get sick of it. The more friends that stop believing your feelings.
  8. Anywhere on the internet is not really private. If you posted here he would have to prove it was you and I do not think any judge would let him use it as evidence it more hearsay. We are good for advice but people can give similar stories and it is not the same person. I had my abuser stalking me and following me on Facebook sites attacking me. He did this to try and shut down my honesty. So people could not put things together. I am a big believer in living with some truth. Truth has never helped me make friends or get ahead. It has kept me alive and gave other people in my life understanding so they had ground to stand. Give Nick names to people. never write areas. ask advice and take out things that can link you to it. You can alway delete your profile but if someone quotes you it is in their text. I would think the true trick is more when you can write and when you can read in private. Hope it helps!
  9. Yes, state laws are huge even if you're in counseling. If you are not allowed to record someone with out their knowledge it does not matter what they said on the tapes. He can file something against you and it will go on your record. I did record my abuser and it was legal in my state but it became illegal the next year. I kept it because it could be administered by the court of law if the court saw that it was recorded before the law changed. I also saved it for my child to hear. If he ever wondered. I did tell one of his friends to create a fear that I had something on him so I could get him to be more agreeable. I do not recommend trying to fool your abuser or putting him in a position. The only reason I did it was because I knew my abuser well. If he thought he was going to be seen he went incognito. It was my way to let him know if he killed me he could still have enough evidence against him in his own voice. I even had my abuser admitting he had threatened my life before. For the sake of custody issues and proving you're a fit parent. I do not suggest taking it there. That stuff can make you look unfit. A fit parent can keep a clear mind in hard situations and know NO means NO and not fight when provoked. You do not need to prove anything it will not help you where all of a sudden he becomes sad your hurt. It will not teach him this thing he was lacking from the beginning. Care and love of your best interest in the relationship. Stay strong and clear keep your focus. Be with your children for the right reasons just to love them and provide good care. This is the only thing that matters and you are the best one that can give it to them.
  10. My son on his own has contacted his doctor. Son(19) has decided to try and remove the Asperger syndrome the governor used to put control mechanisms on me and remove my son's confidence, to be honest, and truthful. He had to leverage my son or his new wife would figure out who he truly was. So for me, it is huge because my son is saying you no longer have a hold on me and you have made the goals in my life impossible because of this thing you have done. Ladies I hope that I can continue to help my son and he decides to not hold me responsible for what the governor has done. I could not fix some of the things that man did. Pray for me this week if you do pray? Thanks, everyone!
  11. Sometimes they do this to try and rub salt in the wound. I am so happy Blah Blah Blah.
  12. Your not ready to date one man for a relationship. I do feel you are ready to date. I would be very clear that you are in the process of getting to know yourself again. That you need to have fun for a while. That once you have had some time to learn who you are again and what you like. That after that you might be willing to talk about what you want in a person. Hopefully, by then, you will be surrounded by a few men who you know who they are and you can be honest and have a few to whom you can see your self with. It more than an answer the right question match-up. You really need to get to that point where you can say I know who I am and this is what I want. When you're there you will ready to date in a solid relationship. Because if you do not see it you can say, sorry hun you are not it! You will have more clarity and instead of telling someone till they become what you want you will see how to find exactly who you're looking for.
  13. Unhappy- Glad you're here and with a group of survivors. We do not have all the answers but our advice can help you sort from the false mishmash. I would encourage you to take deep stock at look at each person with this is a way it is the mentality. By doing this we can think our way straight and develop strategies that move you into a spot where you can start standing more self sufficiently. Thanks for all you have written it really helps for us to get to know you. Let's go with what we know: Your husband loves to make you pay for his emotional pain. He is a Physician and has the accountability and understanding of one. he intimidates you by yelling and calling me names. Takes it to action by inflicting physical harm on himself and getting physical proof and getting printed records for the reason he knows and is fully aware. My belief is because he wants to secure the paternal parent ship of the children. Each time he does that he creates a more believable record. Did you mention leaving him or divorce near these times that he beat himself up? We also know he has no problems completely lying to anyone. This means his thinking is very calculated. It also makes him unpredictable. There are parts of that unpredictability as to why you probably call back calling him on his lies? Your children have witnessed years of abuse and are now participating in these actions making plans with your husband. You state this when you wrote. Abuse is usually centered around money and he has your family in on it. This is a great book to start: http://allworth.com/allworth/allworth/titles/12317-9781621535546-love-money might help you counter some of this garbage you're facing. Look for your windows of opportunity and seek lots of advice from people that have abuse backgrounds. The only counselor you need to go to is your own and I would make sure they have an understanding of domestic abuse. I would not attend a counselor my husband is seeing.
  14. Thank you for reminding me of why I left. You help me stay strong in me resolves. :-) It is amazing the more you give the more they feel entitled to bicker. My current nice husband expects me to cut his hair. I told him one day I will not be doing it he needs to go to the shop. So he tried to argue about the expense. I told him you're going to argue with your hairdresser about your hair. If I am your hairdresser you will not be telling me how to do my job! So he said I will wait for the next slot. I said NO. You're going in and you will quit harassing me over it. If I have a hard week and feel like I need to send you to a hairdresser once in a while you will not argue with my discretion. You will sort it. You asking me to do something that is not my expertise and once in a while if I say go you will go without giving me grief or guilt. So we both went to the hairdressers and he got his hair cut. I said to him, notice how you treated her you even said thank you. If I choose to cut your hair it is a favor and you will be grateful for that favor. If you feel you need your hair cut you can alway come here no one is tying your hands. His hair looks nice. Believe I might still send him again. Will be phasing myself into respect and not take on a thankless burden. Awe hey he is getting the picture. Narc man would find a new avenue. Good men learn respect. They learn from experiences. You still might have a situation but it creates fully different results. Narc men bang on and on. This is what women in healthy relationships do not get. They can have a situation and believe that if you stand you get different results. They can't see the different nature because they have a man with a good nature.
  15. ****Starshine big hugs***** You're doing awesome. Just think of how compassionate a woman you will be in your career. The drinking is not a joke. He does it for many reasons. He tasted the nectar of many things he loves and it's selfish. It's not a true love it fulfilling his own needs. Men drink so they can do conscious sins and hide behind the drink. Sleep with women, do things to drunk women without consent, instead of taking emotional responsibility in relationships blame a lack of love on partners. All of it is hiding and blame shift. When you go through this process of leaving him. You will see him try to gain area to blame shift. Diffuse as many of those as possible and alway confront him with self-responsibility. You can take anything he has ever offered you as gifts and experience. You have learned even from his worst times. The best times were a gift and even though those are few and far between you can still celebrate those gifts of time. In anger never destroy the good in your own soul. When you are no longer a couple. you can take those good times and still assemble yourself without him and know you had lots of good and love to offer. Why because you did put the best foot forward and sometimes things just don't work. If I am no longer with a man it does not mean I throw all that good away. I do move on and retain myself. You're at a place that feels lonely when you separate from a relationship. It's hard because to walk away from them all the reasons you're leaving your partner need to remain at the top of your head. Just know once it's over you can brush off those reasons and have the good that you are on the inside. Even if he quits drinking you know the work he would have to do? The honesty is not there with the reasons why he chooses to the drink. Nope, that man will have to be sober for years before he can even tackle the pieces to who he is. This is where you know you are smart. The amount of time you would have to sacrifice would be years for a not guaranteed result. You can meet someone else that is not there and have years of awesome fulfillment full of life because they are there and already arrived. You have not lost any of your life. You will have about 7 years of fullness rather than waiting for 7 years to be light years away from a partner just starting to see himself. You will be still very unfulfilled because your fullness he can ever reach. You will not have an intellectual partner. You will not have a friend. You will still be alone. It hurts to see the truth but this is because you have those healing qualities within you. You will be a great friend to other men and women waking up to the same experience.