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MorningGlory

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About MorningGlory

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  • Birthday March 11

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  1. Spartin life coach is my friend on Facebook. Woop Woop he rocks!!!
  2. I always found it amazing after the governor released his toxic pain on me how good he felt. I believe he felt so good I even looked beautiful for a brief moment. How he treated me, taught me that this was not love? So I did learn I believe I finally accepted him for who he was. In fact told him I release you. They say if you love something and let it go completely go it will show you truly where the heart goes. He ran to the phone and called his EX. Then he tried to get back with me and I asked him a simple question. Even the simplest mind could answer it? I asked why do you love me? He answered me in the third person. Said you were the wife of my youth. In past tense. I said no that what you tell people when they ask you how you feel about me. Tell me why you love me? He could not give me one direct reason why he loved me. No substance. You see even narcs hit a point where they are just done with you. They string you along to give answers to make them look good. To try and show people they are trying and you can fake that kind of hate. We know that they are just slapping us in the face to hurt us deeper. To make more hurt and to stick the nail in our hearts deeper. Their wounds can be trusted. Their love inflicts pain. Their truth does not clear any hurt it makes way for them to be free and absolved. Once you know in your head you can help your heart and body understand. It does not take long then you realise you can live separately from your soul and your body pays for emotional pain. The rest of you will forgive yourself for what your mind already knows. Tell yourself you love yourself and be your own best friend. Never share that space again with an untrustworthy person.
  3. The best advice I can give you. Even if you have one or two situations that make you feel like they remind you of your EX. Do not relate them to your EX's relationship. Know that that was a situation that happened with the narc. Go after teaching and communication with your new partner. All abuse survivors have one or two areas that are tricky that trigger memories. Keep telling your self-different circus different monkeys. Believe in the mind being able to have plasticity. Your new partner should be able to learn. Look for the growing in love part. You now know what to look for and your odds of finding it are better. You might be a tad bit more critical/choosy. If your new partner does not have the general goodness part then It should wake you up sooner. The reason for this is that why you learned from pain. You do not make people pay for your pain. I was more concerned with my new partner allowing me to handle issues that I was working out still. Just because I am no contact does not mean that I am no contact with children we share, some of our mutual friends, contacts we shared. ECT... Life goes on and I found someone that understood situations would still happen. We still experience things that were coming from the other direction. If my EX-sent a bomb my way that I was not to be blamed or hurt any further. I needed to try and handle it myself. It's not my partner fault. It affects both of us but he does not have to be anyone different to counter my EX. He is allowed his own voice but with understanding to not jump in and lash out. I practised self-perseverance and protection while clearly stating where the gaslighting was coming from. This part is hard to deal with. The only reason my current spouse gets it is because he has a family member that is like that. That what it took for me finding someone that relate to me. I would never be needing that much of an understanding partner if I did not have the narc abuse. Somehow it is a situation that changes your life. There are wonderful sharp people that if they know you are a narc survivor would just not take on the headache. I kind of don't blame them either? So you find a person that will love you with what you have and what you can build. My narc abuse caused a lot of issues. What it did not do is succeed in sinking me. With the right person, you will be able to open up those areas slowly piece by piece. When you see that they still love you. You will then know what you did not feel before. LOVE!!!!
  4. LMAO The dumb things they do!!! It's okay for them to be a screw up but if we attempt to put things together we get the shaft. You think they would save money and hire someone to do it right. O YAH PRIDE!!! LOL
  5. Your doing great... Being confused about what is normal sounds familiar. It is the different relationships that will put you closer to knowing who you are and how you want to spend the rest of your days. I find it is a balance of knowing yourself and knowing your partner. I look at like two 100% full adults coming together. You do not always have things that sinc up but it is the person that is willing to meet you at points to have a sense of forward moving unity. In time you start to learn who each other are and moving together gets easier not harder. If you want a traditional relationship and your partner wants a modern one. The odds of meeting up will be difficult. You will always be moving away from each other. So knowing what you want is part of the success of finding it. If you want the closeness of little old couples that are like one in kinder spirits. Then you desire to fly to city's and open businesses all over then you are fighting your wants. Most people that want the kindle spirit couples find a spot and stay and pull in community around them. If your the pioneer that wants to fly around and see new things. That is more of a modern relationship and those have more freedoms socially. You have to be very secure with each other. When you see a women like the one you described earlier. She was settled. She sound like she might know if she is more modern or traditional. This is where you have to fall in love with someone that can complement you and have a area of similar growth. I have had anxiety and PTSD. I found that the more I take on to grow with out abuse around me the more that anxiety goes away. It has something to do with growing into my life. I am a more delicate person after the abuse and because of that need a person that can allow me to just be. People that coach others are the opposite of what I need to be healed and feel loved. Yet I do like movement in life. So once you learn your own self you can find these niches. It's never perfect because you are two different people but it should be a experience where you both are trying to help each other feel love. When it opens up in your lap you will find a friend and that will be the person you want to spend you time with. The wounds will be trusted that is all I can say.
  6. This is abuse you can not prove. The hard part about dysfunctional family's. They want to kids to love them yet they are a complete contradiction to educing a loving caring environment. I try to look at it more of a race. Your the aware person so you feel the burden of care. What I did was research the age of my child and what they needed according to psychology at that age to thrive. That was the only thing I focused on giving my child those quality's of what he needed at the right times. I was trying to heal him and open him up before he learned to be closed off. While I was not capable of fully protecting my child. Some of his success is getting sabotaged in gas-lighting. I did give him a point of reference that he would never have if I just accepted it. I can't wait for my child to open up. That is the point I will know I have his heart. The divorce was hard on him and he is allowed to have his own perspectives. I honour his struggles and he knows he has a mom that is trying to reach him no matter where he is. He has to learn to do the relationship connection back. Not be told but actually participate. He will have to reach out and include me. Not sure I can make it past all of the garbage my EX threw on us. I do know that my son knows he has a mom that loves him. It is hard for kid that see Dad make excesses and for them to learn to be a person of action and character. My Narcs Idea of character was more verbal. Yet he did get career opportunity's because of his brown lies. Fake it till you make it. My child will not have the same opportunity. My EX had family help him with his job connections. The governor has not done this for his own child. He is too busy trying to teach him a lesson and make him grovel. For my child to be successful they do need to learn to see through gas lighting. This is the hard patch because as a mom I want a close tender relationship. So you have to balance the mediums of what you TEACH and what your child NEEDS. Please be aware of both things. If you can have those two areas hold each others hand. You will surly get through this time of your life. Fulfil your child's needs while you teach.
  7. This is the damage that happens. It hurts beyond belief. You watch it gobble up bit of your life you cherish and hope to salvage any traces of being human. For me I stayed in the same place. I did not move. I did not change jobs. I stayed in the same groups. I let them see a very unpolished hurt me. Accepted me for being damaged and then worked on my ability's. I found that area's life were hurt and very glad to not hide it. I worked at slowly healing the relationships around me. There is this thing that people can sense things yet they were never apart of the abuse. This is the very thing you work at healing. That conscious energy that felt like I had a large hole in my heart. I did not have to do anything. It was the first time in my life I had acceptance. I was able to do what he denied me!!! THE ABILITY TO LOVE MYSELF!!! To love my life. This comes through the rainy days. With every rain cloud you feel shine bright sun considerate care through it. Keep shining those rays.
  8. After going through Narc abuse it is a miracle to have love and acceptance in my life at all. I was so trigger happy with every slight. Not everyone does it to hurt and control you. Some people are just strong people. You can tell in time because when a situation that is repetitive comes around. They do not continue there is monitoring and stopping of self once they learn your feelings. They can stop themselves yet they are strong and do have skills of assertiveness. One of the things that I notices was my awareness I was watching everyone where people are busy having relationships I was still monitoring. I do know people that are Narcissistic in nature but as a healed woman of narc abuse. These people do not control me and it does not mean that because I was the target of one that every single narc will make me the target again. Actually I do let them know I see them. I do let them see I can not be controlled. As for deep relationships it will always be topical. No need to tell them that!!! Not every Narc I experience uses those skills the way my EX did. It is impossible to walk through life and not know a few. It is the good ones that you want in your life. Not every narc attacks their closest source. Actually I find Narcs can be a bit sloppy. They do leave holes and if your smart once someone learns how painful it can be to cross you they usually never try again. You are always allowed to protect yourself and put up boundaries. All relationships have boundary definitions and that is normal. That is what has been damaged. That is why we look and look and look. Almost like we are waiting for them to fail. Why because we have learned something. Our New relationships will know we grasp this but do not access it and we require the other person to exercise the same restraint. For me to find this in a mate I actually had to find one that had experience Narc abuse in his own life. We both know it does not come from each other. We are both quite strong intellectually. Somehow we both like nature and just having a casual good time. It like we both surrendered our own experiences. Each person has to work this out within themselves.
  9. Welcome the book is awesome. It might get you started in the right direction. I am glad you have found us. We are a great forum to bounce ideas off of. Please know that we do offer great advice and the sole decisions are yours. Make the best decisions for you and your life. Your safety will always be first in all of my advice. Take care!
  10. The Governor saw I updated my linked in profile and deiced to hit auto send on his and send me a friend request on his Linked in account. Well I have ignore all of his poop. This one I decied to copy a phone shot and post to my Facebook page so my friends can have a go at it. Let him see what people think. :-)
  11. Sounds great !!! How exciting :-) Wohoo!!!
  12. Welcome so glad to see how well your write. There are a lot of similarities in all our storeys with subtle differences. If he is willing to yell in front of the kids you might be in for a ride. These guys do that and when your not around put seeds in the kid's minds to make them feel you are causing the problems. Try to be really smart with the time you give him with the children. Did Mr Nice guy ever quit drinking? Keep writing it helps so much to sort feelings.
  13. Yes, I fully understand!!! I am working out of poverty. It is getting better. Trust me I do miss much of the comforts. This is where you know yourself. It is fully okay, to be honest with this part. You have done very well you have taken a stand. Yep nothing left financially but for me, it was the right thing to do. I was deteriorating badly. Not sure I could have made it through the old age part. We were starting to up the arguments and it was getting wicked. I settled too much along the way and did not get my proof. Forgiveness gives a clean slate but it also buries you. I say call the police and forgive afterwards. Try being straight forward and sweet but very firm. Hard lined but say it softly and sweetly. See if he starts to respect a smart woman that knows herself. Know if he leaves you other men would be happy to be him. Somehow that confidence is attractive. Narcs love to have things they can't have. So if you project this he might respond with interest. Call the weak man's bluff.
  14. He sounds incredibly perceptive. Might be because he was talking about his job and most people would have some general conversation about how wonderful he is to help women. He might think you reacted because of the direction of the conversation. Not that you were easy to read. This was a hard thing for me to realise in my healing. The trama's that I went through changed the way I would talk. If nothing happened to me at all my conversations would be general warm chit chat and banter. Because something has I have more conviction and views because I spent allot of time developing myself. Not sure it is a bad thing. I see it as good but having a conversation which flows is an art form. This is what I am healing from. If it is truly behind me then I do not need to project things into all my conversations. I really would not worry about what he notices. I would see each relationship as a chance to learn who people are. To see if you can have fun with him. What might be nice is that he might want someone he can talk about work with. You might tell him that because he works in domestic violence sector that why some women might get sick of talking about his cases. You do like hearing about the storeys and how women get through the challenges. Take the wins in your life. I would tell him that you did go through some drama's with your EX but you find it more important to get to know each other before you have deep talks with him. That you like to feel closer to people before you have those open conversations. You need to be close before you open up because when you talk about things of past it because it creates questions. Hard questions can get in the way of getting to know each other's humour, building your friendship, learning how to respond in front of mutual friends. That if you both get to that point in your relationship then you would be glad to answer all his questions. It has very little to do with what you can create. Just because you had a bad experience does not mean you can't create beautiful, loving, warm deep relationships. At the same time, he is perceptive and well if he is the type of guy that fills in the blanks when he has fillings. This will stand out by waiting to develop a deeper friendship tie. There is good narcissism and he can see you. You see him too! What is important is how he uses his talents of perception? How does he treat people when he is done? Your past it hurt but it really does not define you. Kind of matters but not hugely. What is appropriate is up to each person. Maybe you should just have fun and then if things are still going strong after a while then you can discuss the location of your toothbrush. You are free and there ar no such thing as wrong. Just adults that do not make big mistakes. You are allowed to make slow decisions on big matters. So do not rush into anything. Tell him your looking forward to getting to know him and who you are with him. That is enough for now.
  15. If you want to stay with him it is okay? Will he change NO because true Narcissism is a lack of internal connection? They do not have the ability to do the deep soul searching needing to fix it. They love it when you do the work you pour it out here. Even you stewing it out here brings you closer and shows care he wants. Does not matter if it's negative. Your pain points were pushed and that is part of the mechanism. It is the external care. He loves you working your heart out for him. Who cares if it is killing you on the inside. This is not their concern. Yes, they will say sorry and even show short term change. It's will not be lasting change these individuals are not capable. It's more to get you under control and back into you rightful place again. So mentally you can accept that your husband is this way the question is will you ever get what your heart desires. That pain will remain. You can only try and minimise the effects by using the narcs very weakness, which is nacistic supply as a treat reward. He does good deeds he get compliments. He has to do only positive actions to get verbal rewards. In turn kind of makes you a bit narcissistic. Sorry but because you have empathy you have something he doesn't. It's like my husband is colour blind. He can do things to help him see things a certain way. Can I ask him or expect him to see purple if he does not have cones to see this colour? You have to know it's going to be like driving by braille your who life. He knows he is near the edge of the freeway by hearing the car wheel throb from the ribbed grates in the concrete at the edge of the expressway. So if you realise this is what you have you stay awake while driving and give nudges. Lots of women stay married to narcs but I do not hear one of these women say by gorge he now emotionally gets me. He now put his own needs last and put everyone and the whole family before his internal desires. Look you can spend another 10 years hoping he can figure out how to make you feel beautiful on the inside or you can say screw him I am beautiful and the things you think are important will not interfere with my ability to function in my life. If you stay with me it will be because you did not leave me. Is this not how he treats you? I could not sacrifice this openness of love in my life. Just needed more to live than a 3-day shopping fix. I was not growing and my strength of perseverance was damaged. Parts I loved about myself were disappearing and felt a bit brain damaged from the abuse. For me, it was not worth sacrificing anymore for his ego. You might feel differently than I did? That is okay. :-) I think your husband knows he is doing it. The question is did he say sorry because he could not hide that one? He now can say, OOOO I said sorry! As if sorry fixes it! LOL Your granddaughter has the right to ask for respect and peace from adult family members. This is not disrespecting you guys it is actually very healthy. Please do not squash her self-respect here. She does not need to be called out for being disrespectful. Especially for being honest for telling you guys yelling in front of her makes her feel like garbage and she can't see why you're both together because you argue a lot. Now how she says it might need refining. "Granny when you and grandpa argue in front of me I feel hurt and it affects me? " Please stop! Trust me if your granddaughter wants to tell you this. You can imagen the number of adults that really would say it if they could. By her being able to say this her odds of ending up in a relationship with a Narc and much lower. It is healthy.