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About singingyamada

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    Welcome Member
  1. http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php Is a very good forum for dealing with difficult abusive manipulative people. To know the enemy better than they know themselves is very empowering.
  2. How about you don't prepare for his anything and instead just go on about your business. Keep your side of the street clean (tell the kids IF they ask that it is NOT your responsibility to keep track of their father's life.) and focus on something besides him, what he may or may not do. Being prepared or anticipating what he might do won't stop him from doing it. Who cares what he will do? You took the first step, now take the second step (which I always think is way WAY harder than the fist) and follow thru!!!! Prove to yourself that you can break this addiction to him!!!! here here Hopw else do myou gain control over your own life. Your kids need to see you gain control. Is this what you want your kids to think relationships are about.
  3. Well said kitty devil, the first step to freedom is accepting your responsibility.
  4. There is a great book called trauma and recovery. I believe until you know trauma you dont know what you are addressing in yourself. Other wise you think you are going mad. I have PTSD and when I read about trauma I was releived.
  5. No the other place. This place is blessed with freedome of speech. And a great resource on how how to get out ect.
  6. To be brutally honest ask yourself what you are getting out of this both all the good stuff and the bad stuff. Write it down. It make give you an understanding of why boundaries are broken and why you have no control over your life. Your victiness from anger is controlling your life. Change is frightening as it takes you away from everything familiar. And he knows it/.
  7. You are having high anxiety and it is effecting your thinking and the thinking is getting catastrophic. Take a couple of breathes and make one decision. Bear in mind some of these decisions mightnt be ideal and the one you want. However life often throws up lousy choices but we have to make them. This is the hard thing with grief is change. Change is terrifying because it isnt pleasant under these circumstances. But you can do it. You are very capapble of it. When you are broke there are two ways of getting money 1. Earning it. 2 not spending it. It may been you may have to give up some of your costs for a while and that prospect is scary and sad, but being paralysed by anxiety is worse. So take a breathe, stand up and make one decision that is for the best even though its a yukky one.
  8. I wise woman once said to me if I respond I am in control and I have boundaries. If I react then its from anger. The great thing about response is comes from boundaries and takes much less energy. With everything of his behaviours and your projected consequences for you, you haven't thought of those for him.
  9. today it is sinking in better, Its likie its too good to be true and someone will try and take it away. WE are waiting for him to breach,
  10. She is blessed that.she has some intelligent women around her from all backgrounds and a forum to talk. Sadly the website isn't dv focussed and I hope it moves here as we have gathered so much information and thinking outside the square that others may find it of use. And it is not over by any means. There is so much family court stuff. And I am assuming he will appeal but the judge in his summary made it pretty airtight. He is going to breech as he thinks himself above the law.
  11. I spent a day with a woman who who despite brick walls of apathy and sexism from the service that is supposed to protect her and who wouldn't accept their responses such as.....and these are just a few of my favourites "There is nothing we can do" " No that's not harassment" "Can you prove that?" "Sorry we couldn't turn up we didn't have a car" (despite 8 cars out the front of the station) My personal favourite. "The sergeant/officer in charge / inspector is busy" "Doesn't matter is you have fingerprints hand prints its not worth the forensic team coming out"............when she reported all the incidents. Well here is one for the sisters and the misters and all victims of domestic violence. She, through her own tenacity and fortitude and her brilliant brain that deals with logic and argument .....she just got an EIGHT , 8, year AVO awarded against her psychopathic ex. According to those in the know, its a record. She has broken the DV back when the very institution of safety was against her and in my books they owe her one fat apology. The ex aye-hole stood up in court in a witness box and wilfully lied and it was to quote the magistrate "untenable". His behaviour, including ,malicious damage stalking harassment and threats to her was indefensible. I now have two new heroes. One, my friend who will continue to inspire me and the other is the magistrate who not only made his position on DV very clear but who practises the justice within in the law to deal with it. They are heroes, not sooky athletes. And my dear constabulary friends watch out as he will breech. and we will be back stronger and as always smarter. And finally he has had a plethora of women to abuse. He goes on dating websites. Today I report it to DOCs and I got met with "I think this is family court stuff" But I was so inspired I returned with " No this is child at risk stuff"
  12. Now that I have a computer in front of me rather than a phone I can think better. Its still sinking in then it goes then it sinks in. Shall check in later.
  13. Much to my joy and an inspite of what seemed like the polices best effort to obstruct her, my friend Goran Avo awarded against her ex for 8 years. We have been told this is a record and the cops including the patronising inspector look like the so and so,a they are . We hope this has the response of the cops looking like the sexist pigs they are and taking dv seriously. Word will get around and my friends courage will hopefully give other dv victims courage to speak out. It is far from over,but this has huge ramification a for the rest of the lethal stuff.°
  14. The omnbudsmen is the next step and the local member. Its great to have found a safety plan here as we started one but this covers alot of bases. The police have until Monday. Then all heck will break loose if nothing has changed. The great thing is that she has diarised EVERYTHING. The AVO was dropped because the police dropped it, without her knowing about court and the dropping. When confronted they tried to bluff her and she pulled out the court transcript. If I had to advise anyone with abuse or DV, is diarise, keep texts and messages and emails. It can b e a chore but so far it is very very worth it. Record who what where , why and how. And keep a copy with someone you trust. Even if it is a scan or email summary.
  15. This changed my life and made me believe in karma