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Vicky

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  1. So Sorry, I cannot even imagine what you are going through. (((((hugs))))
  2. Aurora, Congrats on your new marriage and what a great update! Sounds like you are doing well to remember to take care of yourself. Big Hugs!
  3. Noroses, the judge ordered her to pay him , but she got that turned around and the law changed! Chavah, it takes a minute for the page to load with the story, so just open it and wait and see if it works. I did look her up on other websites. Crystal Harris. Here is another clip and story on her, but the first link tells the complete story. http://abcnews.go.com/US/sexual-assault-victim-ordered-pay-alimony-attacker-fights/story?id=16075409#.UaLSgofVCSo
  4. Interesting to hear several of you speak about this and I believe it was Chavah speaking about her body rejecting her ex. Hmm I experienced that same feeling but never heard it described that way. I too did not want to be close to mine, I could snuggle or hug easier, but that meant sex to him, I was repulsed by his bodily fluids, it made me vomit, I was also turned off by his scent of his body.I couldnt stand his breath either, granted I attributed it to his health, but maybe there was more to it. And the last time I was intimate with him, I also felt like a prostitute, like I sold my soul. And it was me beforehand telling myself to just have sex with him and maybe it would make me feel closer(we had been separated and not living together and going to counseling and not intimate sexually for months) You dont sound ready at all to let him back into your intimate life, which is totally understandable and you are facing pressure to do so. And the threats to hurt himself, that is manipulation tactics. I just posted a thread from a Dateline tv episode that just aired, it made me think of your post, the woman filed charges against her husband for his abuse, they separated, he went to anger management then they later got back together, she said the abuse continued again, and eventually it got into the sexual aspect, she said No one eve and he said her answer was unacceptable, he raped and choked her, I just posted the episode on the forum. Listen to your body, your instincts are telling you something whether you realize it or not
  5. Just watched this episode online from Dateline titled "Behind Closed Doors" not sure how long the links will stay up as the site rotates episodes. This woman was married to a man who was abusive to her and she reported to police right away and split up and he went to anger management counseling. She contacted authorities, even had orders. She began to fear for her life, and they had 2 kids together. This is graphic and can be triggering, it addresses Rape in marriage, This is one tough gal, and I can relate to why she did things the way she did. People wonder why people dont just get out and get away, and there is the fear of being killed or no hope the police will hold them. And then what she endured going to court against him, she even got one of the rapes on tape,,, and they tried comparing it to 50 Shades of Gray and her husband and attny said it was "Role Playing" This woman got a bill in action to protect victims of violent crimes He was sentenced to 5 yrs in jail. And she was to pay his legal fees and spousal support! She got a law passed, its awesome! But they said in one year he will be out of jail. And my first comment is.... Wow, hes probably going to bother her next with visitation/custody for their 2 kids when hes out. See here is a person who took legal steps for protection and action and look what she still went through? God Bless her http://www.nbcnews.com/id/3032600/#51972270
  6. Summer, Agree with the others RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN He seems to be nothing but heartache, drama, games, insults, manipulative, inconsiderate. I dont see much positive in what you posted about him, so what is the attraction exactly? And are you footing the bill for all these trips?
  7. She mentioned leaving the state for a break on her last post, perhaps shes away?
  8. OT

    my husband has had a lot of back pain, been on his back, thrown it out and down for days at a time in the past. Finally got him to dr, they gave him a shot, but that was a temp fix, Not sure what Physio is on this post, or if thats the same as Physical Therapy? If so, I think both Chiro and Physical Therapy are good. Ive used both, my husband did the physical therapy but it was limited and expensive. As was mine for my wrist after I broke it. He sees an awesome Chiro now, who specializes in sports medicine and athletes. My husband also found out he has degenerative discs in his lower back. Since seeing this guy, hes not been down anymore, the guy gave him a "Rumble Roller" and its been a godsend for him to help with stiffness and pain, he has one for travel size he can take to work and for travel. Ive seen more benefit from chiro though for my husband. And we now have insurance that covers it which helps!
  9. I told my sons when that stuff got old, grounding from cell phones due to behavior that dad bought, I reached my limit cause of the games, and said "they stay at your Dads house" So you might just say the IPOD is for Dads house and it needs to stay there, if you catch it again, its GONE. I went through the clothing thing too, its a pain in the behind I know but not a lot you can do about it, they just know if they can upset you and get your attn, they keep at it. I had to put it on my son to make sure his stuff was packed and to get it together, I let him pack for wknds, and yes I often didnt get socks back. Or clothing stayed there for long periods. So when i did laundry the week before a visit, I often put the best clothes away or somewhere son didnt see them, so they didnt get packed up to go. Then I got emails I was dressing the kids in rags and blah blah blah, I just replied with "Your more then welcome to purchase clothing for our son also, I dont pack his bag, he packs it himself" somewhere around that point it finally stopped, the clothing emails. And I did tell my son about the email saying he was dressed in rags, to which he was puzzled. I kept a lot from my kids but sometimes it was so ridiculous and got so old.
  10. Around $10-12,000 for the divorce. But more in years to come for custody hearings... I loose track.... He was ordered to pay some of my fees, he did not, so a few yrs later my attny came back to me for what ex was ordered, and I had to re read my contract, didnt know if he defaulted I had to pay. And my ex still owes me $50,000 in back child support. Ive got a little over a yr to go till my youngest is 18, then Im legally DONE with the man in regards to kids, Hallelujah!
  11. Hanging, I wasnt beat by my abuser, it was a lot of mental head stuff. Mine threatened to call the police on me once, he was pinning me down and I hit his arm trying to get loose, he stood up and told me I was abusive and held the phone. I remember crying and pleading and he just stood there using it as a control game. He did not call, but it scared me. When I began attending the local DV group in my area, the first meeting I went to was to watch a movie, it was on women who killed their husbands. The idea of the film was all of these women were in jail today, but they endured abuse for a long time and snapped, they relived the stories of when they couldnt take it anymore, and they killed their husbands. This is to say how far this can all go and what happens to us when we live under that Glad you are here, keep posting! (((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))
  12. the word is "Extreme" which you can insert in front of any demographic I think abusers glob onto places where they can assert "Control" you can call me right wing conservative. And I left an abusive man, but I didnt think that was the reason, he just misused tenants of thought, more in the church,,, But I dont want to say Conservative Christians are abusive, its like comparing Westboro Baptist to all Christians or Baptists, its a SMALL tiny percentage and extreme people that twist things. I think when one gets into anything extreme and starts acting like their God, thats where trouble comes in
  13. I dont disagree with this, but another part of the problem is the isolation, self doubt, etc when one tries to get away. Most of us blame ourselves, or feel we have a fault or deserve, or dont understand, etc etc what is occurring. And many of us have dealt with it alone, or we cant always PROVE the abuse with physical evidence. So when one tells another person they were abused, they are often asked if they were "Beat" had filed police reports, seen a dr, had evidence, taken proper legal actions for the proof. Many havent, and with verbal and mental, thats is very difficult to often prove for most of us. Many of our abusers are charming to the outside world or phony there also. So then it becomes a matter of "Proof" Of the abuse, and then there are those who use the "I was abused" angle for legal manipulation when it isnt true, and then a whole other series of messes occurs. So I agree it totally breaks the contract, but most of us are not in a right place to even gain that type of insight till later on.. and the outside world (friends, family, lawyers, judges) often are not much help either. And for being in the church, which I was, my abuser went around and said I was the one with the problem once I started to try and get away from him,, he gathered his allies and went to work to discredit me. I was the quiet one not telling people what was going on in my home, nor did I understand, I was reading books on how to be a better wife, submissive, living in lock down and thinking if only I could do better, and beating myself up for it.
  14. Yes been through same disrespect and behaviors. Its really hard to establish rules and boundaries in your own home when they drag an outside abusive parent into it and manipulate and threaten with it. These are new issues people didnt have to this degree in the past with cell phones, computers, rapid access to communication at any time. I dont have any magic answers, myself and other moms I know can write scenarios like you describe. The behavior and disrespect got so out of control that mine went to live with Dad finally, have a gf who has a jr high daughter pulling same stuff, she just let her to go to dads also. An abuser can have constant access to us and what goes on in our homes with the computers and cell phones. It becomes a really slippery slope for further abuse against the mother, and messes with the kid, who becomes Dads ally for information and a puppet, sad thing is kids dont truly get it at the age they are at. Dad is cool and fun, Mom is the killjoy with the rules. And then insert being a teenager in the midst, its not pretty.
  15. Example I agreed to meet with mine at church with a pastor. He cried, said he had been doing things wrong, etc etc. I had already moved forward and filed, we were living apart, I agreed to meet with the pastor, he was all emotional and crying Once we got to the parking lot to our cars afterwards? He asked me to dinner, I said I wasnt up for that and wanted to go home. He said "Well then get away from me cause all I want to do is have sex with you" Nice huh? That sure will win me over! Yes be careful and what everyone else said