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  1. Past hour
  2. I was reading yesterday in Lundys book how sometimes Abusers break up with us to punish us. Its all so crazy and twisted.
  3. Today
  4. Bennu I just wanted to say I'm sorry that your relationship is strained.
  5. You can't take that on yourself. It's not like she would still exist, just as a different person, if you hadn't.
  6. Well, even if it's genetic, it's my fault for choosing that particular sperm donor.
  7. It took me awhile to get to the not wanting to write a break up note but I think the public porno video , coupled with the dating profile from when we were still trying to work it out just made me lose any residual feelings I may have had. I think he made a wrong calculation with me. I think he thought my disability would make it easier for him to isolate me . Also, I have friends but am usually a very private person just because I don't like unsolicited opinions as I tend to like overanalyze opinions and so it's not like I have surface relationships but my family is the only one who knows my deepest darkest secrets because they know me. So I think he thought that he could isolate me, move me out of my family home , and then he could take over my "care" and not have to do other work. Well besides totally loving my parents, I just couldn't think about how it would work on a practical level. We live in a pretty high rent area and I didn't think we could afford a place, (well a safe place.). Plus he had awful credit history (imagine that) Also, even when I still really was into him, he was an ok caregiver in a pinch but I thought he wouldn't be able to handle it day in and day out and if I wanted to look presentable when I went out. (I'm femme and definitely have a beauty routine .)
  8. That's good advice. If you haven't seen an attorney yet to learn your rights, that's a good first step to take. It's generally typical that an abuser doesn't want to leave and it is often difficult to get them out. But an attorney can give you facts and information and advise you best. Many or most do find it easier to just be the one to leave themselves, no matter what is right or how it "should" be. It's a sacrifice and only you can decide what means most to you.
  9. Yesterday
  10. She may have been like that anyway. And the problems in her marriage may be from her own behaviors, too. Kids from even the most seemingly pleasant of upbringings still get screwed up somehow... and it's still always the parents' "fault." I think sometimes people just are who they are. You probably didn't cause this. This seems deeper to me... :-\
  11. Quaddie What you said makes a lot of sense. Your right he is treating me like a prostitute, he has done this in the past too, which probably doesn't surprise you. There were also times in the past that he would joke about paying me, not sure if it was a joke or not. Thank you for answering me.
  12. Bennu Thank you for telling me your thoughts. I'm glad to hear that most men are not like this.
  13. It's like she has conditions that I have to pass for us to have a relationship with her that she doesn't share with me. Then she turns everything she does back around on me. Typical abuser behavior. I did it to her by choosing her father. I feel so horrible about that. I think that she is having issues in her marriage and she makes herself feel better by abusing me. It sucks. She's a adult now and responsible for her own behavior. I wish I could convince myself of that. I feel so culpable.
  14. Thanks Quaddie, I really appreciate the time and effort you put into that. It is very triggering for me too. I feel that most of my miserable marriage my ex and AC tag teamed gaslighting and making me feel wrong and incapable, and each of them trying to make me their own personal servant. My other child reports similar treatment and avoids contact. It's so sad to see your wonderful little baby being that way. I might have to just let go, but I still hold out hope. Maybe it's time to give up unless a change in attitude is evident. I needed that confirmation that it isn't me. Thank you
  15. I’m taking notes in a separate document while reading so I don’t lose any of my thoughts. Here goes: I, too, depending on what I’m talking about, don’t like to talk to a person while they’re doing something else. They may claim they’re not distracted, but I don’t feel like I’m getting their full attention. Also, I HATE having to talk “over” noise. I have vocal issues, but even if I didn’t, I wouldn’t want to. Personally I think you were very diplomatic about asking for time that wasn’t during dish-doing. But there’s a chance AC didn’t “get” the reasons behind your not wanting to do it during dish-doing. Sometimes people look at it from the other side and think they need to “reassure” you that YOU won’t be distracting or interfering with THEM – when really, it’s something else entirely. So maybe AC is someone you might have to be more straightforward to about the “whys” of things like that. Okay, so I just got to the part where AC says they think it was rude you refused to talk to them while they did dishes. I don’t think it was rude at all. I think you were diplomatic. But yeah, I can see that AC didn’t “get” the message and now gets angry that you didn’t say it straight out. I think it’s easy to look at that and go, “Yeah, that’s a really good point. They just didn’t understand.” But what really troubles me – and I get a bit triggered by AC’s reaction there (no worries) because I’ve encountered it before – is the anger and the lashing-out. If it was a simple misunderstanding, okay. But here AC is turning it around back onto you and insulting your communication skills. Yes, you hinted rather than saying it straight-out – but AC could be more understanding, and there’s no call to attack you, call you rude, and then accuse you of “trying to wait them out” (what does that even mean?). So at its face it “looks” like just a communication issue, but imo there’s more going on. On the other hand, if AC is someone who needs things to be said straight-out or else they don’t pick up on hints and cues, I could see where they would get frustrating and think that you are just “playing games” with them. (Even though you’re not.) I can see that it would probably do you service to be more assertive and open in stating your needs. BUT the attacks on you were not appropriate. No call to call you “rude!” It wasn’t rude! You did not offend AC. AC just didn’t pick up on your hints, then turned it back around onto you and being your fault. Which yeah, is kind of an abusive behavior. Blame-shifting. Okay, back to reading… (For what it’s worth, I’m reading how you don’t like talking on the phone or disembodied voices, and I’m totally like that, too. I “get it.” And frankly the thought of video chat doesn’t make it better – and I’m no technophobe at all, it’s just that I would really hate it and be uncomfortable with it.) Telling you that unless you prearrange time, AC may only have time to talk to you while doing other things? Again, on the surface that does seem reasonable. But you did ask to prearrange the time, unless I’m misunderstanding. You asked for a time you could talk interrupted. I heard that in what you said. It almost seems, now, like AC CHOSE to not “hear” that. Now is turning it back around onto you for not prearranging…when to me, it seems like that’s exactly what you tried to do. So another turnaround, confusing kind of thing where it seems reasonable on the surface – and it actually IS reasonable on the surface (except for the part of “I may not have time to talk to you unless I’m doing other things” because fer cryinoutloud you’re AC’s mother, sheesh, so that to me is kind of dismissive and disrespectful). But the fact is that you DID try to schedule the time. So twisting it around like that and making it “your fault” is an abusive-type manipulative behavior. Telling you that you’re lying? And about something as personal as your ability to hear and perceive conversations? To me that seems abusive. And I know how to someone else it might seem “weird” to have issues like that, but it’s a real thing and no one has the right to tell you that. And…. it’s definitely not okay for AC to say “it’s rude of you to lie” in response to your saying it was rude for AC to accuse you of lying. YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TO “DEFEND” YOURSELF like that. That’s messed up. Your kid should not say these things to you. I’m sorry L And then all the accusations about not being honest and criticizing your communication. BUT … then this: AC: “as I said before, if you had a problem with me doing dishes you could have said that explicitly so we could have discussed it you could have told me that you don't feel like you're important to me if I'm doing other things when we speak” That sounds - on the surface - totally reasonable. BUT I’d venture a guess that if you DID say that last line, that AC would turn that around and criticize or go off on the “don’t feel like I’m important to you” thing. So if you DID change how you interacted, I’d leave it at “I don’t like to talk to you while you’re doing dishes” and leave out any of the “feels” because there’s too much opportunity to twist and be criticized for it. It’s okay to just state needs without defending the “whys” behind it. (Also, you were - imo - pretty clear when you said: "AC: I'm happy to talk as long as you don't mind doing it while I do dishes Me I'd rather talk to you when you have more time" ...This to me is pretty clear that you DID mind talking while they did dishes. Okay, now I’m at this long lecture from AC about how you “should” communicate. This part: AC: “As I said before, I'm pretty busy and I'm not typically free at any given moment when you might message me. if we scheduled time in advance, I could keep that time free so that we can talk if you want to communicate even more effectively, instead of telling me that I hurt your feelings when I have no time for you (which is blaming me for hurting your feelings and saying that I have no time for you when this isn't actually true), you could say that it makes you feel____when I say that I'm too busy to talk to you talking about what happened and your own emotions instead of immediately placing blame on me for hurting you and for not having time for you (which isn't true) can help with having a more productive conversation.” · Again, I thought you DID try to schedule in advance… · I think saying “You hurt my feelings when you have no time for me” – is pretty much the same as saying “It makes you feel ____ when AC says they’re too busy to talk to you.” I feel like it’s splitting hairs. There’s not much difference except for the structure of the sentence. The message is almost identical. The only thing that AC can argue it’s “blaming” is because the sentence began with “You” instead of something else. But it’s not an important enough difference – in my opinion – to lecture or criticize, and definitely not from your own child. This kind of lecturing and criticism, like I said, is kind of triggering for me. It feels condescending and the trigger in mine is coming from a psychopathic boss I had who really did a lot of damage to me. A LOT of damage. Bottom line, your child should not speak to you like this. It sounds reasonable, but it’s really not, in my opinion. And I bet if you tried to draw your boundaries and remove yourself from a conversation like that, AC would accuse you of being melodramatic or some other negative. So you can’t win. Okay, more coffee and reading on… Oh. UGH. There was imo NOTHING wrong with this: “Me: My feelings were hurt when you kept wanting to wash dishes while talking to me despite me repeatedly saying that I would prefer to talk when you weren't so busy.” But this response by AC? “AC: I think you know that your wording there is equally as unproductive as your original wording. The point is to have a productive conversation about how you and I each feel and what we are each thinking, not to blame me for not assuming a motive which you didn't communicate to me That way we can take action to resolve the problem As it is, I am having a problem (and have many times in the past) with the unkind way you are talking to me I am also having a problem with your poor communication” This is not okay. And the “that way we can take action to resolve the problem” is really squicky and blaming and condescending is VERY critical and condescending and lecturing. The first sentence is really insulting and a put-down. There was NOTHING wrong with your wording – and in any event, IT DOESN’T MATTER. You’re being clear, you’re opening up to them, and all they’re doing is splitting hairs and criticizing and lecturing you and putting you down in a very squicky way that’s reallllllyy – imo – inappropriate and awful. is AND YOU’RE NOT “UNKIND” in the way you are talking to them! You’re just stating your feelings! Sheesh. Wow. Imo, all this is incredibly disrespectful and …wow. The “I am having a problem with your _____” and such, is SO reminiscent of the psychopathic manager I had that I’m wondering if they’re the same person. I’m sorry. L This is not okay, in my opinion. I’m lacking words in this moment to explain … because the words “condescending” and “disrespectful” aren’t cutting it, for this behavior. I don’t have good words for it. This is a giant mind-fvck, imo. I’ve been victimized by this type of behavior and it’s among the most awful. And this is your CHILD, who should not be talking to you like this anyway. And you do not have to put up with it. I’m sorry. L Hah – okay I see you picked up on that it seemed like AC was choosing not to realize what you wanted. But then AC turns it back around to insult you AGAIN. And UGH – “this would have been good communication” – is incredibly condescending and patronizing toward you. Disrespectful. I’m sorry – the stuff that follows is more of the same. I can barely read it – it’s really awful, in my opinion. I’m so sorry your child treats you like that. Omg, yeah, triggering… work on tone, consistently unkind…. no no no, none of that is okay or even in the realm of okayness (in my opinion). You said “ I feel disrespected when you tell me how I should talk” ß I think that’s perfectly worded. And disrespected is putting it mildly. Oy, and then the blame-shifting/twisting AGAIN from AC: “AC: it's incredibly problematic for you to try to blame me for enforcing boundaries in terms of the kindness I expect from the people I associate with I'm not telling you how to talk I'm telling you that if you don't change the way you speak to me, I will choose to speak to you less often” This whole time, you’ve barely said ANYTHING and AC has lectured, criticized, been disrespectful, “corrected” you - now is insulting and some sort of gibberish about boundaries that THEY are enforcing when THEY are the ones who are being offensive and inappropriate??? Oy, no L At this of yours, I chuckled: “Me I feel like you are unreasonably pronouncing yourself a communication expert” <- SO TRUE. What you are feeling is accurate. Your perspective is valid. And their behavior was totally out of line, completely disrespectful and NOT focused on good communication. You know what “good communication” would look like? If AC practiced it, and they honestly HADN’T realized what you’d meant about the dishes? Then AC would have said something like this: “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that made you feel that way. It wasn’t my intention – I just need to get stuff done. If you want, we can schedule a time where I can give you my undivided attention.” (Something like that.) “Good communication” is NOT a big lecture about how sucky they think you are about communicating – and blame-shifting, and claiming it’s about “boundaries” – and insulting you – and being totally disrespectful. Okay yeah, the rest through the end is just more of the same. I do agree, I think it’s abusive of AC. And this kind of thing can unfortunately be very damaging for you. I’d encourage you to think about boundaries for yourself and what you’re willing to tolerate from AC. Rather than subject yourself to the criticism, can you end the conversation? It doesn’t really matter what AC is accusing you of – they’re just blame-shifting. So trying to defend or convince them otherwise isn’t going to work. So the only thing you can really do is protect yourself. The attitude toward you that AC displays, to me, is gut-wrenching. Perhaps I relate too much because I experienced this, but you don’t need to take being put-down and disrespected like that. Unfortunately you’re never going to be able to change AC’s mind or convince them that they are being inappropriate. This is simply not how “good communication” works. They’re wrong about that. You don’t lecture someone and put them down and insult them and be so frickin imperious that they are the authority and you are the “problem”…. and all this over a very, very simple request. A request which was very reasonable and understandable from you. I’m sorry L. This is really sucky feeling, especially from your own kid. L
  16. Ick. I'm with you on not wanting to have sex with someone who claims you "owe" them. That's just coercion. Ewww. Sexyyyy (not). Abusers think of on-demand sex as their right and that you are doing them wrong by withholding it. They don't care if you feel like it, if you're in the mood, etc. They expect it like they'd ask you to pop a zit on their back for them. Eww yeah, but ... Anyway. No, in a healthy relationship the man would want you to WANT them. They wouldn't try to manipulate you or tell you that you "owe" them. You're not a prostitute. Just because he "paid" (via dinner or present or watching the grandchild or whatever) doesn't mean you entered into a transaction and now you owe him the sex. You do not owe him the sex. Not for that, not for nothing, not ever. If a person cares about you, they do nice things for you just because they want you to be happy and they want to help contribute to your happiness. They don't just do nice things as a transaction so that you owe them sex. And in my head, that's treating a partner like a prostitute. And in that situation, it's "felt" that way, to me. At the time I just didn't have words for it, though. Eww. No.
  17. You need to protect yourself from having to support him after your break up. I would go talk to a financial adviser and a divorce lawyer before doing it. I'm guessing it's important to file while he's employed, for example.
  18. Wow. Okay, thanks for sharing.
  19. I sold the house. It was a lot to give up, but I didn't see another way.
  20. I really want out of the marriage, but I can't get him to go. It's always the same cycle: he acts like a jerk and then sweetens things when I either want out or if he wants something. I am a public high school teacher, so I have to contend with insolence on a regular basis. I don't want it from him. He treated Valentines Day as if it were any other day. Nothing special. No effort. I cover his part of the bills when he doesn't make enough. We have separate accounts because I don't trust the way he handles money. I have helped him and his family a lot in the past. In any case, yesterday he asked to borrow $50 because his boss, who is a contractor, hadn't paid him. I gave it to him. A couple of hours later he asked me for another $50 to order a phone for his 11 year old son. I asked him why not wait to get paid to order the phone. He then proceeds to tell me I'm a bad person! I had just given him $50! He is deceitful and manipulative and it is very hurtful that he would say that to me. I asked him why he is with me if he thinks I'm a bad person. He then had a big boy tantrum, yelling at me while I am holding my 4 month old grandson in my arms. I told him I don't want to live with someone who thinks I'm a bad person, and that I already deal with enough crap at work to then come home and get attacked. I told him I'm done. We're not talking right now. He is going to repeat the same cycle and I hate it. He is not in my corner and he is not the man that I need in my life. I want a partner who believes in me, or I want to be alone. However, in the house it is us, my children and my grandson. He couldn't afford the rent here on his own anyway. So, he should be the one to leave. I would much rather be alone. I read the book "The Emotionally Destructive Marriage," and my marriage fits the description. How could I get him to go? In my state we have to have lived apart for 6 months before I can file for divorce. I really want to get this ball rolling.
  21. Hi, I would love some unbiased opinions on this conversation. One of my adult children and I have a strained relationship. The other adult child thinks the behavior is abusive and I think my ex had too much of an influence which I hope will fade with time. In this case almost all of the conversation was recorded in messaging, so I can ask for another opinion which I can't with a phone call. This went on over a period of almost 6 hours. Thank you for you time. Me (around 6 pm): Want to chat? AC: maybe in a little while? I'm working on stuff rn Me: How long do you think? AC: hm, are you busy tonight? I'll probably work all evening but I could take a little break to talk Me: Just working,not going out AC: ok is it ok if i message you when i'm feeling like having a break? maybe in an hour or so? Me: OK, but I might not get it. I won’t be at the computer the whole time AC: ok well i don't mind talking later Me: or at least not right away OK AC: the only think i'm doing tonight is running Me: OK AC: (around 7 pm) I could talk now but need to do some dishes and cooking so it would be good if we just do voice chat so I can do that at the same time Me Give me 30 minutes AC OK Me If you are so busy, we can talk another time. I love you AC: I'm happy to talk as long as you don't mind doing it while I do dishes Me I'd rather talk to you when you have more time AC: I do have time I have to do the dishes anyway, but this way I have company. It's not exactly going to distract me from the conversation Me (around 9 pm) There were a couple of things I wanted to do that are noisy. I wanted to get them done before it got too late Do you have time to talk now? AC: yeah, but I can't talk for too long give me a few min to get ready Me ok AC: (9:30 pm) i'm set (I called on google chat and AC still had to do the dishes and put me on speaker. I said I would prefer to talk another time when we could do it face to face) Back to messaging: AC: I felt the way you refused to talk to me while I did the dishes was really rude if you have a problem with me doing dishes while we talk, you should communicate that before starting the call instead of saying you'd rather talk when I have more time and trying to wait me out good communication is very important Me: In general, I don't like talking to disembodies voices. I thought I made it clear by asking to talk when you had more time. AC: it was not clear because you didn't say what your problem was I don't understand your problem with talking to "disembodied voices" Me I didn't explicitly state that I didn't want to talk while you were doing other things, but honestly don't think that anyone would AC: that's what a phone call is, and we have spoken on the phone many times Me It is like you can't be bothered to take time for me. I'm not big on phone calls either. I tend to avoid them too. AC: no, it's like I'm busy and I don't have time if we don't schedule it ahead of time well we have had many long phone conversations Me I can't remember the last time AC: I often fit in speaking to people while doing other things (running and cooking, recently) we used to when I was in first year we spoke on the phone often Me I can't hear what you are saying well enough without seeing you too AC: of course you can the video freezes and lags and we have spoken on the phone many times Me I don't want to then AC: ok, thank you for being clear unless we prearrange time, I may only have time to talk to you while doing other things that need doing Me: Who are you to tell me when I can and can't hear. How can you know whether or not I can hear?. I know if I can hear. AC: I'm not telling you when you can and can't hear I am telling you that it is clear that you are lying Me I can't understand well without seeing you AC: that's just not true Me I am not good at paying attention and without seeing you I can't do it AC: we have spoken on the phone many times with little to no trouble with you understanding me Me Not any time in the recent past AC: have you gotten much worse at paying attention in the past 3-4 years? or has your hearing gotten much worse? if so it might be a good idea to see a doctor Me It is rude of you to accuse me of lying AC: it's rude of you to lie Me: It happens in class too I think it's attention I wasn't lying AC: well first you said it was hearing and then you said it was attention initially you just avoided telling me the problem at all it doesn't seem to me like you are being honest you certainly aren't communicating effectively with me as I said before, if you had a problem with me doing dishes you could have said that explicitly so we could have discussed it you could have told me that you don't feel like you're important to me if I'm doing other things when we speak Me You hurt my feelings when you have no time for me AC: and we could have scheduled a time to talk when we were both free thank you for communicating your feelings to me as I said before, I'm pretty busy and I'm not typically free at any given moment when you might message me. if we scheduled time in advance, I could keep that time free so that we can talk if you want to communicate even more effectively, instead of telling me that I hurt your feelings when I have no time for you (which is blaming me for hurting your feelings and saying that I have no time for you when this isn't actually true), you could say that it makes you feel____when I say that I'm too busy to talk to you talking about what happened and your own emotions instead of immediately placing blame on me for hurting you and for not having time for you (which isn't true) can help with having a more productive conversation. I have things to do tonight, so let me know if you would like to schedule a time to talk at some point Me: My feelings were hurt when you kept wanting to wash dishes while talking to me despite me repeatedly saying that I would prefer to talk when you weren't so busy. AC: I think you know that your wording there is equally as unproductive as your original wording. The point is to have a productive conversation about how you and I each feel and what we are each thinking, not to blame me for not assuming a motive which you didn't communicate to me That way we can take action to resolve the problem As it is, I am having a problem (and have many times in the past) with the unkind way you are talking to me I am also having a problem with your poor communication Me It felt like you were pretending not to realize that I didn't want to talk to you while you were doing the dishes AC: no, you were communicating poorly. it did seem like you didn't want to talk to me while I was doing the dishes, but you never stated the problem explicitly (this would have been good communication) and you didn't respond when I addressed the concern I perceived in your messages Me: That is typical of my generation AC: well, it is poor communication I'm sorry that you were raised with a poor communication style that might be something to work on in the future if you want to communicate more effectively you might also want to work on your tone/way of explaining your thoughts, because it was unnecessarily rude and unkind also, while it is not true that I don't have time for you, it is true that I am not actively making time to talk to you - this is because of chronic problems I have with the way you treat me when you are consistently unkind to me, it doesn't make me excited to talk to you Me: I feel disrespected when you tell me how I should talk AC: it's incredibly problematic for you to try to blame me for enforcing boundaries in terms of the kindness I expect from the people I associate with I'm not telling you how to talk I'm telling you that if you don't change the way you speak to me, I will choose to speak to you less often Me I feel like you are unreasonably pronouncing yourself a communication expert AC: I have never described myself as a communication expert I am giving you advice on how to communicate more effectively because you are communication very poorly regardless, the way you responded to my messages is part of a much more significant problem - you are unkind to me on an extremely regular basis I would not stay in contact with anyone else who treats me the way you do because of our relationship I still stay in contact with you but when you treat me like this for not making time for you... why would that encourage me to make more of an effort? Me I only stated that I don't want to talk with you when you are doing the dishes. How is that being unkind? AC: your tone throughout this conversation has been unkind the way you talk to me on a regular basis is unkind Me I did it in a round about way because I considered it the kindest way to do it AC: I have pointed out instances of this many times I'm talking about your tone in the rest of the conversation Me I considered it kinder to say that I will talk to you when you have more time than it is to say I don't want to talk to you when you are doing dishes AC: I and many people I know think it's kinder to be clear when communicating but I am not referring to that portion of the conversation anyway I don't really expect you to change the way you treat me since I have mentioned this many times and you only make an effort to be kinder when you worry that I will cut contact with you again for the foreseeable future I will probably not have time to speak to you, because I am busy with work, class, activities and people who treat me with kindness and respect this conversation has reminded me of how unpleasant I can find our interactions and has put me off of having more any time soon
  22. I'm sorry hoping. Most men are not abusers. People have sex because they want to, not because they are obligated to. Abusers ruin sex for their partners with these attitudes.
  23. My husband said that he was working Valentine's Day and it might be a little late when he got home. He said that we eat out a lot and it is Valentine's Day every day to us, so we didn't need to go out and eat. We also had spent money on repairing vehicles so I knew that could be part of it. I told him it didn't matter and it was ok, which was a lie, but I wasn't about to tell him how I really felt. I have been thinking about leaving anyway, so I ask myself why it bothered me. It bothered me because he didn't know I was thinking about leaving and I didn't like how he was treating me. I ask him for 10$ to take out my granddaughter for Valentine's Day instead of buying her a present. I told him it would be from the two of us and I would tell her, which I did. The next day he said that he wanted to go out and eat something for dinner. That evening on the way he told me it was for Valentine's Day. During the dinner he said that I spent all of my money every month. I said yes, I probably do. I eat out and I pay part of the bills. I went to see the doctor the next day and my husband said he didn't mind picking up our granddaughter after school, that he wanted to see her anyway. It was in the afternoon and I also went by to see a friend. After I got home around 8 p.m. I told him that I was going to bed, due to being tired. He said he wanted sex and I said no I was tired. He said that he had bought me a nice dinner and he wanted his Valentine present. I told him that he was the one that wanted to go and he ate too and it was his Valentine's Day present too. I don't know whether he paid for all of the dinner or I paid half, because of the way I give him the rest of the money I get for the bills. Either way, I didn't like how he said I owed him for paying for mine, especially sex. He then said he watched our granddaughter for me. I told him he wanted to see her anyway, and to quit trying to manipulate me. Today he hasn't said anything else about it. Are most men like this whether they say it or not? Expecting sex for presents or instead of a present?
  24. Melinoe, yes. It's really hard. Thank you for the reading advice. I truly appreciate it. I've started on "Why Does He Do That?", the boundaries book is in my queue Blueskye, that's exactly it. He does seem to see us as competitors instead of a team.
  25. Last week
  26. I'm glad you're blocking him and don't plan on writing a breakup note. He doesn't deserve anything and the less contact you have with him the faster you'll heal from his abuse. I'm glad you have your parents assistance and support and that he wasn't able to isolate you from your support system.
  27. He doesn't care and he wouldn't be the first abuser to hope that financial hardship will drive you back to him. Can you get a roommate or find some other way to replace that money in your budget.
  28. Here's another question which has been dogging me. Since this "breakup" I'm out 600.00 a month from him. How does he think that money is suddenly going to reinstate itself into my life?
  29. Keep up the good work! And don't feel guilty about blocking him. You deserve peace of mind and time to recover form his abuse.
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