why can't I stay mad though? Sitting, waiting for D6's cheer class to end. Then home to passive agressive anger, nasty glares and silence. I haven't tried to talk to him the last 2 days. Guess I am being PA too. I don't know what to say. This one wasn't my fault in the least - but I can tell, he's decided it IS. That's fine. There really isn't anything to hold onto - just fear of being alone...fear of what's going to happen in the future (job...bills) I wonder after 20 years, and trauma bonding - and not knowing how to be alone if I can? I guess my dad should be an inspiration. He went through the normal depression of loosing his partner of 45 years and came out the other side ok. He's even more tolerable now than he used to be.
Then I go home and look at the tree up in the living room and just wish I could be treated nicely. I don't want to be alone. I also don't want to keep dealing with the emotional rollercoaster. I know I choose to be hurt by him by staying.
It's not going to stop...when am I going to love myself enough to stop being afraid?